Desperate housewife. I need help!?

Question

Almost 2 years ago, I quit my job to stay home with my kids. I spend most of my day running around after them, cleaning, laundry, errands, etc, and I have dinner on the table when my hubby walks thru the door (think 1954). I’m exhausted by the end of the day. I have no time for myself. I can’t even pee by myself. We moved about an hour away from our friends and family, so I don’t have that support system. I can’t leave the house (childless) for an hour before I get a phone call from my husband wanting to know how much longer I’ll be. Yet he leaves anytime he wants to. When my husband’s home, he’s busy with work, homework or surfing the net – not offering to watch the kids (unless I complain) or pay any attention to me (unless I complain). I haven’t had a “date” in over 3 years. I’ll never regret being home with my kids, but the situation is driving me nuts! I’m not happy. What can I do to improve my situation?

P.S. I love my husband and would never ever stray from my marriage. And I know he feels the same way.

Answer 1

Unfortunately we women want to take care of everyone else then when our head is about to explode and our back is giving out we look around and say what about me. You must for you sake start a new routine. Sit down and talk to your husband and let him know your not complaining.What you are doing is asking for some me time. Your husband has his routine because you have allowed him too. yes I know you wish he could put 2 and 2 together and think on his own that you need help but forget it hes not trained to. trust me.( I'm not referring to him as a dog) . We all get trained in our life routines how and when to do something. Make a schedule with kids it's easy to let one area fall to the wayside.
Back to me time. Start off slow. Sit him down and tell him on Wednesdays night I am going take one hour to myself in the house. Go and take a hot bath do not answer door for anyone. The first time will be difficult because you are going to want to go fix every situation but right now he needs training to taking care of the kids so while they are eating get in the bath. Let him go through it.Ado this every week until he is confident in taking care of them. When that happens ask if one afternoon you can go pick up something from the store real quick and you need to go by yourself to try things on. Don't abuse it stay out an hour. Then start asking to get out by yourself.Try to explain to him that you need to take care of yourself in order to take care of them. Try to get your children to take naps, if not it's okay to let them watch a movie in a room. While they nap clean nothing just sit. Enjoy the peace.

Answer 2

If you are not happy you need to make a change and hubby needs to get off his a** and help, he needs to realize that it isn't 1954 anymore and he's not living on the Wonder Years. he could at least take you out on a date night once a week geeze even babysit HIS kids for more than a couple of hours without complaining once in awhile would be an improvement over what he's doing now. Does he think that because he's the wage earner that, that is all he has to do that, that is his only role in the family he needs to try being a father and invest some time in not just his kids but his wife to, showing you some appreciation would be a good start. Tell him exactly what you want and don't let him off the hook until he meets you half-way. maybe you should find yourself a part-time job even if covers your child care a least you are getting out of the house and building up your self-worth and self-esteem. You have to start some where sit hubby down and talk to him and see if you can't come to a workable solution together. My fingers are crossed for you.

Answer 3

My husband has a saying around our house that sums it all up....If mama isn't happy then NObody is happy. You HAVE to tell your husband exactly how you feel before you either get so mad and fed up you want to leave or so depressed you can't function. Sit him down and discuss it (without complaining) You know how the experts always say to start a sentence with "I" instead of "you"...? Well that really does work. It shows that you need help without blaming everything on him. Talk to him in a calm nonthreatening way and when he does help (even if it's a little thing) make sure you say thank you. That's what I did with mine and now I've got him coming home again with flowers and sending me out to go shopping and I don't have to beg for attention anymore b/c now we like being around each other again. It's a really nice change! Good luck... I know that you're in a tough situation and I hope it gets better soon!

Answer 4

I feel for you and often fear that's how I'll end up. I'm about to have my first baby to be a stay at home mum. Is there any way you can tell your husband to only call you if there is an emergency not to find out when you'll be home. Maybe claim that it "worries" you more than angers you? I think a big thing about being a man is you don't typically offer assistance unless it's asked for. So it sounds like you will HAVE to ask him to watch the kids and have to ASK him to take you out. Give him notice in advance and say something like "There is a great movie coming out in 3 weeks that I want us to go and see so keep that Saturday night free." Or "I've heard of a wonderful restaurant that I would like you to take me to next Thursday night." Unfortunately, you may have to make the sitter plans and dinner reservations, but if you get what you want then does it matter HOW you actually got it? I know it would be nice for them to offer but I think you'll be waiting forever. Good luck!

Answer 5

Tell Ward Cleaver that it isn't 1954 but rather 2007 and this isn't how things work outside of his little world these days. Lay this one on him, a stay at home parent's "earnings" are comparable to about $140,000 per year! However, we do not give them the credit because they are at home and don't have to deal with bosses, coworkers, traffic, blah, blah, blah. Personally, since being fired a year ago and having stayed home for that time, it is priceless to spend time with my last one still at home while the others are at school. It sucks to have to taxi the three of them to school and practices etc. but I (and you) are adding VALUE to their lives which no money can equal.
Tell hubby to get off his lazy a s s and help out, give you a break, realize he has kids and a wife that want his attention. This ain't beaver cleaver land anymore. The old "Cats in the Cradle" song always comes to mind when I hear of a dad slacking when it comes to his kids when he gets home from work. When they are older and will definately remember he did NOT give a f--- about them, he will be the one crying in his beer.

Answer 6

Get a part time job or volunteer. You might also try giving your kids chores. a 3 year old can put silverware on the table even. Next time you go out, forget to take the phone. It sounds like you do too much and your kids are running over you. You have nothing interesting to say to your husband and the only time he appreciates you is when he wants something, so stop being HIS mother.

Answer 7

You need to talk to your husband ASAP. I dont mean in a complaining way but when the kids are asleep and you two are finally alone, have a serious talk with him. Try to really reconnect with him. This is a common problem many women go through... but obviously you are a strong woman just keep remembering how much you love your family and that its worth it. I think once your husband really sees how you feel and you two work together, it will lift a huge weight off your shoulders. Good luck.

Answer 8

Get a babysitter! If you can't afford one, find someone to swap kids with once in awhile. Find something to do for you, take a class, join a bookclub, whatever, to get you out an evening a week while hubby watches the kids. Turn the phone off and let him handle it, the kids are his job, too.

And go on dates with your husband!!! Go out, just the two of you, at least once a month, if not once a week. The kids will be better off if mom and dad have a strong relationship!

Answer 9

You sound like the woman in Mary Chapin-Carpenter's song "He Thinks He'll Keep Her". In any event, it seems that you and your husband have become emotional strangers who just happen to live in the same house. You are obviously not happy and it sometimes is hard to articulate that to a man or a woman. You can't change men so I am not sure that your talking to your husband is going to help. You want to be wanted, to be desirable, to be romanced, to be pampered...

I have a feeling that if in your 24/7 schedule you ran into a man by accident and he showed a smile and a genuine excuse me, you would go to pieces. Divorce is not always the answer, but is there any other choice if you want to have the things that you are not getting?

Answer 10

If he's unable to give you a break, hire a sitter. Initiate a YOU fund, to enable some YOU time. TAKE IT, any way that you're able. And whenever you feel your resiliance, and patience are wearing thin. Once a week is not too much to ask. + enables you something to look forward to. Pamper yourself, by just relaxing in whatever way works for you.
You need your sanity for both your children AND yourself. If you're worn to the bone, there's no way to be an effective/efficient homemaker. Best Wishes for a New Outlook for a New Year! ;)