Corda, is 9 in a half and about 3 years ago we have noticed some changes in her behavior. She picks fights, she flips out on a dime just the tiniest things tick her off. She's become very bitter lately. She use to be so alive and happy. I don't even know how to explain it. But it's just crazy. She doesn't even smile anymore. We try to talk to her about it. She throws degrading comments towards us, cutting us down. She also took on a friend that is very violent and mean. She treats her fam like this to. She throws things, she screams, slams, literally getting 5 minutes of peace with her is a miracle. Her grades are awful, I really don't know what is going on.
:( We are thinking about taking her to a therapist.
2007-01-16 16:44:37 · 16 answers · asked by +No longer a Yahoo answerer+ 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
There is a divorce & her dad completely neglects her. Emotionally, constant teasing and when she got mad he'd snap back. The only time he ever acknowledged her is when she was annoying him, mad him mad, or did something wrong. He was very verbally abusive to her mom. Always negative about things about her, slamming her when she would step in poke fun at her behind her back, insults. This is part of why there is going to be a divorce.
It was 3years ago that she started making slight changes we thought it was just normal kid behavior. Over the past 6months is when it really began getting bad, the friend, working more, spending less time. Also sister tends to bully a little - "shut up" gets irritated real easy with her. What more can you say sisters trying to get along. I just want her to be happy again :'(
2007-01-16 17:22:48 · update #1
Drug abuse can start at 9?? Geez. I know her friend's sister OD'd on drugs a few weeks before Christmas last year, but her friend always had her destructive behavior. She started talking about her friend's brother and her were talking about having a baby when they are 20!! And he kissed her, maybe I overreacted but my mom just sort of brushed it off ya know? Like o their kids I use to as well.
When I was a child ya know I went through some behavior issues, and even violence. But I grew myself out of it within 2years it started with me at about 10 I got over it at 12. I was almost raped twice in that period of time. Luckily I wasn't. That made me very angry but I grew out of it! And moved on.
We'll see what happens here.
2007-01-17 04:53:46 · update #2
Sounds like you're letting her act this way........you let her have a friend that is very violent and mean and that's ok?? Are you letting her just go away and do what she wants when she's mad and makes a fuss or are you confronting her behavior and putting a stop to it? I already know the answer. If you confront the issue when it happens instead of letting her do what she wants because she's throwing a tantrum....it might help. She no longer recognizes your authority as parents because she wasn't "put in her child place" when she first started doing these things. Now it's easier to just leave her alone so as to not "upset" her. She needs discipline, and YOU need to give it to her............................a therapist would help to find out why she started acting this way in the beginning, but you need to be THE parent and show no toleration for these behaviors.
2007-01-16 16:59:59 · answer #1 · answered by dylancv62 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, this is a tough time for them. The one thing that happened with my son through this time frame was he was being bullied in school. Does she complain about people taking her things? Does she mention that someone stole her pencil or pen? If that is the case, then go onto the web and see if you can find a bully proofing site. I had to go through some of this with my son.
Could be that she has gotten mixed up with the wrong group of friends..if that is what you can call those little darlings. Check with the school and see who she seems to be spending her time with while there.
You could bring up the bully situation, it may not be her that is being bullied, she may be the bully. You may need to get alternatives to violence involved and please do consult a therapist. If there is nothing wrong, they will tell you right away and if this is normal, which it is not, they will tell you that right away also.
Good luck, this pre teen years and the teen age years are the worst. I was lucky, I caught on to what was going on early and was able to ward off the awful behavior.
2007-01-16 16:57:49 · answer #2 · answered by teddybearloverus 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all - the therapist may be a good idea, because unfortunately none of the info you get on this site is tailored to your daughters problem and her needs, and we have no way of knowing what her specific issue is.
Second - Is there anything you can think of that happened three years ago that would have triggered this change in behaviour? Is this when she took on the new friend? Unfortunately if it is the friend and you tell her to stop hanging out with her its not going to work. Let her do what she wants to do - don't push her and coddle her as her response is likely to be a violent or aggressive one.
The best thing I can recommend though is to get her to talk to someone she feels comfortable talking to, then take their professional advice when it comes to her behaviour. My recommendations are simply a quick fix!
Good Luck
2007-01-16 16:52:37 · answer #3 · answered by yummy_mummy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As a teacher, I was taught when there is a drastic change in a child's behavior, look to these reasons: depression, alcohol or drug abuse (yes, it can start this young), sexual molestation, being bullied, learning disorders, and so on.
Child depression exhibits very differently than depression in adults. Seeing a family therapist would be a very good idea. However, why did you wait three years before seeking treatment?
I hope you find an answer soon so your daughter can become healthy again. Good luck to your family.
2007-01-16 16:58:29 · answer #4 · answered by ne11 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I seem to be having the same problem, but not to the extremes that you're experiencing, with my 9 year old daughter.
I did take mine to the doctor, and this was his answer....
"She's probably going through puberty (At 9?) Yes...there are so many growth hormones given to animals now and your child has been ingesting them since she was old enough to eat solids. This has caused puberty to occur much earlier in children."
I've somewhat lessened the problem (not resolved) by buying her bras, deodorant, etc.
Does your daughter get stomach cramps? Seem worse every 3 or 4 weeks? Seem familiar?
The bad friend problem I solved right quick....not allowed to hang around with them, talk to them....I can't control at school but I can sure as he** control out of school. Sure there's some (almost unbearable) resistance at first, but since I'm the parent and she's still the kid (like it or not) she has learned she HAS to respect my rules. (Or be in time out or grounded until she's 18)
Puberty seems to be hitting at a much earlier age....my only bright spot (I hope) is that the transition stage will be over sooner, giving me the edge while I'm still bigger than her (LOL)
Good luck to both of us!
2007-01-16 16:58:57 · answer #5 · answered by Kim K 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would suspect sexual abuse or bullying at school, possibly drugs, and a therapist is a good idea, the sooner, the better. She may have taken up with the new girl as a form of defence.
2007-01-16 16:58:17 · answer #6 · answered by CLICKHEREx 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Definitely take her to a therapist. Girls are starting to mature at a younger and younger age, and at 9 (almost 10) she may be developing a chemical imbalance that is a prelude to puberty. Get her checked, even if she resists.
2007-01-16 16:54:09 · answer #7 · answered by tranquility_base3@yahoo.com 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like her friend may be a bad influence on her. Taking her to a therapist may seem drastic but better safe than sorry huh?
2007-01-16 16:54:56 · answer #8 · answered by bmi=22 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't just think about taking her to a therapist- do it! If my daughter did a 360 turn personality-wise and wouldn't talk to me about it, I'd get to the bottom as to why she did. I hope things work out soon for you (and I'd probably limit her time with her 'friend'. Just because her friend gets away with that kind of crap at her home doesn't mean you have to put up with it at yours).
2007-01-16 16:50:30 · answer #9 · answered by kewte_kewpie 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Going with the therapist is a great idea.
Children at the age she changed are very impressionable, so there could be many causes to her change.
2007-01-16 16:50:37 · answer #10 · answered by MrItwasgood 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋