Help getting through to husband!?

Question

My husband is wonderful & in some ways is THE most sensitive man I've ever met, however, he can also be the most INsensitive. We have moved into a new home & have been tried to communicate with him how during my childhood my home was a complete mess & my Mother was totally disorganised & how that made me feel hence why I enjoy a tidy home that people can confidently drop in any time. I'm not crazy tidy & am not a clean freak however I enjoy a certain level of cleanliness. He rolls his eyes & doesn't take me seriously & we go around in circles having the same arguments. I want so much for him to understand how I operate so we can help each other. I have also been taking care of all the paperwork, however, some things are in his name only & require his attention. When I ask him to see to it, they never get done because he's so busy. I am MORE than happy to help my him where I can, however, there are some things I just can't do. I share my feelings with him but he thinks I overreact.

I have definitely phrased my requests in a way that explains that it is important to ME and that's why I would like him to attempt to understand it. I have taken away the issues (housework, paperwork etc) and tried to just get him to be more sensitive to my wishes, but that doesn't seem to get through either.

Answer 1

Ditto, same with my wife. I was in the military so I like organization. She is a procrastinator and does things at the last minute...if then. I'm guessing you feel he is a procrastinator as well. If so, you have alot of stress coming your way. I read up on a Dr. Phils comment. He says people procrastinate because they get a reward for it. My wife says "yeah, I don't have to do it."
What has best worked for me....since I have no patience is kind of a "i'll do this, this, and this, if you'll help me by doing this." A heads up in advance works out to, they don't respond to the spur of the moment actions. He basically has to WANT to help out and pick up after himself. Arguing your point is probably worthless, because we have alot, and it's to no avail. He KNOWS. Dr. Phil also said it's arrogance and a lack of respect for others. So they know, they just don't care much of the time because it doesn't bother them. Hear that? It doesn't bother them. That's the arrogance and lack of respect. They are thinking more of themselves than how you feel about it. If you find a definite way for it to work.......let me know.

Answer 2

Sounds like you are a very patient wife and doing allot of the right things. However, you are training him to avoid his responsibilities. You are allowing him to continue to do the things he does by not setting forth consequences for his actions, or lack thereof. Humans usually dont change behavior unless they feel the sting of their actions. When the negative results of the paperwork catch up with him, or his laundry doesnt get done, he will feel the sting. You're not trying to punish him or change him, you are just eliminating your overburden so you dont get burned out. You can only do so much. I would first set him down, and instead of explaining to him what he is or isnt doing, explain to him how that the things he is doing, "makes you feel". Then ask him, "Do you care that I am feeling over burdended, and frustrated, etc, etc. ?" Get him to answer you. If he says he does care, then that is the first step to making progress. If he says he doesnt care or says you are over reacting, then you will need to bring in a third party, like a pastor or a good friend who can help you explain to your husband how you feel and how this is affecting your marriage and to understand how serious this is. Try to get him to go to marriage counseling. Men dont relate real well on an emotional level and some just dont know how. A marriage class/counseling will help him to see the differences in men and women. Too often, men dont realize the differences and they think women should think like they do. Get some help with this.If he wont go to a counseling class, you go alone. It willl help tremendously. Learn to set some boundaries. I recommend a book called "Boundaries in Marriage" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. You can get it any most any christian book store and probably some others as well. Hope this helps.

Answer 3

He probably is resisting because he thinks that you are a control freak. Some men want to be in charge and resist.giving woman some of the control. What you should do is make him feel like he is in charge while gradually taking certain things over. As far as the cleaning, dont nag just clean up after him if you have to. You wont change him so either this is what you will have to do or live with the mess. One thing men hate is to feel like they are nagged and they just resist more. I have learned to use psycology on my husband and it works. Good luck!

Answer 4

i imagine you should appeal to close no matter if him no longer loving you, as you're saying, got here by marvel and in reality after your affair or there have been sings of that even previously. If the former, there's conceivable he will come round, only provide him time and area and do not insist on some thing, yet no longer too a lot area, in the different case...some distance from eyes, some distance from coronary heart, come across a sturdy degree, imagine issues by. If it truly is the latter, and his activity in you became waning even previously the affair, and that i think it truly is the case, it truly is no longer likely on and deep down you recognize it. The dishonest only tilted the entire ingredient over the threshold, and it truly is in no way coming back, for my section. i imagine divorce is the perfect portion of do in this challenge; you're fostering fake hopes and he's only torturing himself. Now, that does no longer mean you 2 can't be the perfect plausible mom and father on your son even after divorce, you could and also you should, divorce differences no longer some thing on your courting with the youngster and also you'll continually be proper by him.

Answer 5

I think your husband is probably a great guy and realistic. I understand how you might want to compensate for what you went through in your childhood but honestly, a super clean house is not the key to happiness and harmony. You probably need to relax a bit and just enjoy being with your family, your husband and not freak out over house cleaning.

I'm sure there was never anyone on their death bed who thought to themselves, "Darn, I wish I'd cleaned my house more!"

So enjoy your life, let the house slide a bit.
Best of luck!

Answer 6

I really understand how you feel.

The best advice I can give is don't nag him. It can get really hard sometimes, but when you nag him you start to sound (and feel) like a mother with a rebellious kid.

Ask him once, maybe remind him once, and then let him accept the consequences. Ie: If the garbage doesn't get taken out, then he has to deal with the smell.

It can take some patience, but he'll get it soon enough.

Answer 7

If it's important to you, then it's important to HIM whether he realizes it or not. You may have to change the focus from how clean the house should be to him blowing off your stated wishes, whatever those might be. It's two separate issues. Maybe you cared about turtles. So, maybe he couldn't care less. But it's still wrong for him to blow that off and ignore you or fail to cooperate with you.

Try framing it that way?

Answer 8

Sounds like you are dictating what you want rather than working with him. Ease up a little; if he is not naturally a housekeeper it can take a while for him to get up to your level of tidiness.

Answer 9

Come and take a look at my house. It'll give you a completely different perspective. And, I haven't balanced my checkbook in about 8 years or so!

Answer 10

There are going to be little quirks about our spouses that drive us nuts. Learning to live with them is what will create harmony. Perhaps this is something that you will just have to learn to let go. He may never get it.