so i was with this guy.
we went form being good friends to not being able to keep our hands off eachother. we decided to cool it for a while. since we decided to cool it hes been hostile towards me.
i have asked him over and over what the issue is and he does not have a coherent plausible reason.
my friend says i should leave it alone and that im being egocentric. that the only reason why i care whats going on with him is b/c its affecting me. she also said that for me to keep pushing for an answer would make things worse.
i feel like weve been through too much for any aspect of our relationship to come down to this. i belive i deserve an answer. what do you all think?
2007-01-16 16:05:16 · 10 answers · asked by Tian 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
no hes not gay. her definition was that im thinking all of his behaviors are revolving around me. that maybe something else outside of me is happening and that its manifesting itself as him pushing me away. it was his idea to cool it, and now he cant handle it? wow.
2007-01-16 16:13:28 · update #1
HE was saying he wanted to be serious. Then for some reason dropped it. When I brought it back up maybe a week or 2 later, all of a sudden HE wants to take it slow. Fine with me, I figure we can still be friends, hang out etc. We cant just turn off our feelings like that. In the mean time tho, hes being a jerk, and expects me to sit there and take it, when i run, he calls and pleads for me to return. Its a vicious cycle.
2007-01-16 16:19:00 · update #2
i have a feeling your friend doesn't know the definition of egocentric. but to me, no that doesn't sound egocentric, it sounds like you just want to know whats going on.
2007-01-16 16:08:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whether you deserve an answer does not give you the right to browbeat him into giving you one.
When he is ready to give you an answer, if ever, he will.
Until then, let things be. His hostility may be directly related to the amount of pressure you are putting on him to explain himself.
Remember, there are two people here, and he is just as entitled to his feelings as you are to yours.
Perhaps when "we" decided to cool it for a while, it was more you than him; maybe a lot more you than him, and he resents that. His resentment may be the cause of his hostility, and your probing only exacerbates it.
Relax...time heals all wounds, and wounds all heels...
With the additional information you posted, it puts your question in a whole different light!
It appears that there may be some things going on outside of your relationship with him that led him to cool things down.
Set your anger aside and sit down together and talk this through. Don't demand an explanation; explain to him that you care for him and want to understand him - what he is thinking and feeling.
Explore why he wanted to cool things off, changed his mind, and can't seem to explain why. Gently peel away the layers of the onion, and perhaps you'll find the answer you are seeking, but you'll have to put your anger aside to succeed.
Good luck!
2007-01-17 00:11:40 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Egocentric? Don't know about that, but you are "waking up" to the cold and hard realities of pre-marital relations. Sound too old school, maybe so, but the facts are the facts -- why do you feel not so good about his indifference? Today's world postulates a women's right to do and choose, well with those choices are also consequences.
I don't mean to sound harsh, but it is just the way it is.
Been there done that and learned my lesson.
No matter how you slice it the guy is going to take advantage of a situation if he can, period. Don't sugar coat the situation.
You are not being overly arrogant to believe (know) that you have value and deserve to be respected. But we as women must first respect ourselves.
Best wishes.
2007-01-17 00:14:21 · answer #3 · answered by LadyB!™ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is hot for you and it doesn't seem to be just physical. Why did you want to cool it down? Now you've sent him mixed signals and he's frustrated, aggravated and angry. If you told him why you don't want to be physical and ask him if he wants to be just friends, I bet he'd say no. You went beyond being friends, broke it off, and you have moved on, but he hasn't. Maybe you need to let him go. Egocentric, well it seems so. You want your ego pacified. What about his feelings? What about what he wants?
2007-01-17 00:14:13 · answer #4 · answered by shell 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you're being egocentric. I think he is the one with the ego problem. He probably feels rejected since the two of you decided to "cool it". I'm sure he agreed to it, but he probably did it so you wouldn't know that he was hurt or felt rejected.
2007-01-17 00:09:11 · answer #5 · answered by Purdey EP 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Objective lesson number1: don't ask complete strangers if You should ask a friend about Your relationship. Just do it. Ask Him today. Get it off Your chest (and His Too). Who was it that actually decided to 'cool' it? What aren't You telling Me? Is Your friendship worth trying to save?
2007-01-17 00:15:07 · answer #6 · answered by Ashleigh 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you assuming that he's gay?
Maybe you should take your friends advice and give the guy some space? That is, if he's not willing to talk things over right now?
2007-01-17 00:09:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you have every right to be that way. If he's getting attitude, you have a right to know why. I wonder if it's because he's not getting the action he thought he'd be getting? Guys sure can cool off, then. Best wishes!
2007-01-17 00:08:44 · answer #8 · answered by §Sally§ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not being egocentric, my dear. Your friend turn lover is being sore looser, you dont deserve him and he is not worth your precious time. Now its your time to show him what he deserve-NOTHING
2007-01-17 00:14:51 · answer #9 · answered by trykindness 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe you are deserved an answer...but I don't think you're gonna get one.
2007-01-17 00:08:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋