husband and I have been married for 25 1/2 yrs, now when were anywhere around one another where like pit-bulls

Question

we don`t even know why"! i don`t think ether of us wants anyone else" at less i know i don`t" "but" he acuses me, that i do" I`ve been trying to tell him we need to get away alone somewhere away from the usual krap that go`s on here at home" he says we can`t aford to"" i say we can`t aford not to"" to be alone together with no outside interferences, phone calls, people coming over, and the ruteen rutt where exspearencing at home"" we both "need"! to be on one of those pampering vacayshions""!!! but were on a limed fixed income""YA" fixed finacially to be stuck all the time right here at home in all the problems all the time all around us"" men seem to still want it " in the middle of problems"" where as women want the problems solved"" to be at ease"" to be in the mood""! And I just can`t get my husband to understand this""! we need this get away" to see if theres a hope"" or our we beound any hope""! we don`t beleve in marrige counserlers they drive y

here`s some info they did`t have room for, part of my feelings may be that" we had reverse rolls" i went to work, and he stayed home and some what took care of our son" most of the the time he was to partyed out" to be much good at that ether"" exsept" I did`t make enough to pay a babysitter"" and he was our son`s own real father"" if i had gotten someone else there`s always the chance the`ll be abused by a stanger""! and now my husband is Aleing he`s serusly ILL, he`s been given two years to live, marrige says in sickness and in health" "but" what he put me through when we were young"" interfears with my feelings now""! he was and still is a drinker, a stay at home drinker, yes he was sometimes veribily abuseive then"" that has stoped only because he`s older"" and only twords me, not to our son. he still trys to be controling"! i think that`s what`s behind my not wanting to""!!! our past""!!!

Answer 1

My ex was not suppose to make to the age of 50 , he is still kicking and he is 59. He is suppose to be disabled. What a fake and a liar, he is one of the bums that make the system not work. He doesn't work, but he plays hard and drinks, has girlfriends, smokes anything that comes by him. He is a liar, a thief and a cheat. I put up with it for 37-1/2 years Stop wasting your time. He will not change and enough is enough. In fact you are like me you waste your life on a loser . Move on now. Before you get any older.
You deserve a better life.
Get out and move on let him die , he will be like my ex so pickled he will never die.

Answer 2

If this is a problem to both of you, you need to communicate. And do it in a mature manner which means allowing each other to speak without interrupting or raising your voice. I know you don't believe in marriage counselors, but guess what, they are still in business for a reason....they can really help. They will prepare a comfortable environment in which you can both voice your concerns. You may be on a tight budget, but if you do some research and look hard enough, you can find counseling services at a very low cost or maybe even free. A vacation will not fix your marriage. Hard work will. You know that marriages take commitment and work, you have been in one for over 25 years! As an added note....financial stress is the most common problem for married couples.

Answer 3

Ok, what do u really think this vacation is going to fix???? same ole problems will be waiting for u at home, ur not solving the problems ur just putting them on hold..

Ya'll are arguing all the time because ur up each others rear ends all the time after 25 years of marriage, most if not all kids are out of the house or to a point that they can take care of themselves.. so ur bored.. u have nothing to focus on anymore , it use to be the kids..but now its just really the two of u..

U need to do things together, and u dont need to go on a vacation to that.. u need to both want this to fix itself, which means trying to work through this.. going that extra mile to be romantic to find the giddiness in each other again..

And im sorry id rather spend the money on a marriage counsler that could fix my marriage for a life time, rather then on a vacation that only lasts a few days and right back to where u started..

Answer 4

It sounds like you are both missing the point - "We could save our marriage if only you would..."

It doesn't matter if you stay home or go away to do it. Your commitment to each other and your willingness to work on your marriage is what will save it. Get busy and talk thru your issues. Be willing to give to the relationship and stop worrying about whether or not you each get your own way. Your pettiness is going to ruin your chances.

If your are trying to 'get in the mood' this can be accomplished at home by creating a retreat in the middle of chaos. Bar the door, draw the drapes, put out the 'do not disturb sign'. Do not let anything deter you from each other. Spend a weekend in each others company. Don't let lack of money spoil a great idea or a marriage.

Communicate.

Answer 5

The answer to me always starts with "me". What can i do to make things better. Plan a sexy night with him. Pick him up from work... don't tell him where you are taking him.... make it an adventure. Let your guard down and have some fun for a change. You need to read up online about rekindling that fire and passion. A marriage is never too old for that. We all need passion and romance in our relationships. We get married... we get involved too deap in everyday life and kids and such. We don't continue to nurture the relationship. Take this thing back to the days you were dating. Have fun together. You have to let go of the rest of the world and consentrate on just the two of you having fun and sharing together, whether it is on a vacation or just out to dinner or a night home alone. You have to continue to date always. It doen't have to be expensive either. DVD night at home alone, out for coffee, a walk in the park... you get the idea. One tip on the sex..... you don't always have to be in the mood.... it is OK just to give him sex sometimes when he wants it. If you give him sex more, chances are he will take the time out for you to make love more. Sex is about giving your mate pleasure. Just the way men are made.... read Love Smart by Dr Phil McGraw. It is a very good book on relationships.

Answer 6

Honey, if you have been with him for over 25 years then I don't understand why you are complaining now. When you were younger and he was being this way to you then you should have gotten out then. But now that you are older and you have stayed with him through thick & thin then I don't understand why you are not able to do it now. Especially with him being ill and not having long to live. Yes marriage is based on for better or worse for richer or poorer in sickness and in health until death do you part. But what it sounds like to me is that you are unable to handle the sickness and in health til death do you part. And that makes you sound like you are a very selfish woman. What if it were you in this perdicament? Would you want him to leave you hanging high & dry?

Answer 7

Sometimes this happens regarding things a man doesn't want to talk about. Especially when as he matures he needs you need to take more the role to initiate some fun and intimacy. Make sure you are getting your evening shower (hygiene is critical) and wearing something cool before bedtime and nothing is more stimulating than intellegent conversation prior to hitting the sheets. He is no longer the animal of the early years and now he is the one that needs to be aroused. Try it and see if that doesn't make for better days.

Answer 8

Just an old married couple. Thats the way most of them are. Hubby and i have been married 35 yrs. Pit bulls? We both have chewed off what a pit bull would of chewed off lots of time and thats not pants legs either. You take and you give. You give and he takes. Forget about separate vacations. Just get separate bedrooms. I have when he goes to snoring. Give and take sex . You may not like it sometimes.But it goes along with the territory. You have lived with each other this long.. quit griping and go with the flow. Use some imagination. Smile and be glad if not go your separate ways. At least he doesnt beat you half to death.

Answer 9

hii its been a long time now yess but if married people let the fun caring needs fade this can happen thats love its like caring for our own needs care, love life should be about fun happyness allways just carnt let out own ways of thinking needs problems pop in the way they just grow if there not talked about openly with care as you see now in your life its never to late to change ways be open with each other again just like back 21 years ago remmber the fun times well do thay have to end just because its allmost 21 years later ??? one thing is needed thats to make things right again just like when you first met, if you can find then again today then life will be fun better again the fights problems will fade all will be roses again but it wont happen unless you really try again just like when you first met them wondfull memories well make new ones again today but togher for the right reasons thats love you shere.

Answer 10

You have a lot to say. You are confused. I think there will be no solution until he stops drinking. Also abuse should STOP completely. Most communities have anger management or domestic violence treatment. you might have to have him arrested to get him to go. Let him be mad at you but set limits on what you accept from him. Kind of sounds like he's pushing you away too. See a counselor for yourself, please.