ok i have sort of a problem here, i have been with a girl for 2 years now, at first i knew that was what i wanted and i loved her, she was acting crazy on me so that started changing my way of feeling, lately i find myself not wanting to be with her, she now acts so nice and is very loveble but i wanna be with a man, i dont want to hurt her by breaking up with her, im also scared she might tell my mom about us, though i believe she was already suspecting something, i have always denied us, i would never think about comming out but she would, this causes fights, but now i know i dont wanna be with any woman, i experienced it now im done, it only assured me that i am meant to be with a man, but she is so nice to me i am so scared of loosing her as friends or even hurting her, what do i do now?, also i am 20 , she is 25 i dont know if this helps to know
2007-01-16 15:53:13 · 22 answers · asked by Happygirl 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I have dated men before.....
2007-01-16 16:03:56 · update #1
I sounds like you were experiencing a "love of person" as apposed to a sexual attraction with your gf. It also sounds like you are not happy in the relationship anymore and are finding sexual attraction to men.
There is nothing wrong with trying things and experiencing them, so don't feel guilty about that.
As for hurting her feelings in a break up and keeping her friendship - not going to happen. Beakups suck, no matter how "nicely" or "mutual" they occur, there will be hard feeelings and everyone gets hurts. It is best to walk away completely. If, over time, you BOTH feel that you can be friends, then by all means, be friends. But in most cases, after the shock and hurt of a break up, you'll just move on and will find more friends.
As for your mom, if this gal is truely a friend, she won't bring your mom into it. If she does, then YOU need to figure out what to say. If it will do familal harm that you have been with a woman, perhaps it would be best to tell your mom that "shes making it up cause shes mad at me for not wanting to be her friend". (you should have a reason why you don't - like - she lied to you...she talked about you behind your back...) Your mom should take your side and drop it.
If you think your mom can handle it, tell her the truth. Tell her that you had an affair with a woman, it is over now and as a result of it, you feel that your should be with a man.
How you handle your mom is up to you.
Just remember, time heals all. Stupid as it sounds, time has healed all my "hurts" and break ups so just give yourself some time and all will be ok.
Good luck to you.
2007-01-16 16:08:32 · answer #1 · answered by zkiwi2004 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
FIRST of all, you are still very young and just because of what happened does not mean that you are meant for men. You may just discover that being with a man doesn't make you feel right. Women offer different things and you most likely will miss those things more strongly than you thought. Don't be so quick to think you are now completely done with women forever! At your age, you would be surprised at how much you will be learning about yourself. Maybe you will be straight, but I would not bet money on that. I am sorry your girlfriend acted crazy on you, but don't do something stupid or hurt her, either. Even though you have dated guys before, you will miss miss women and some guy might ruin men for you, too. My advice is that you shouldn't throw 2 years down the drain or believe that one person's behavior has removed your attraction for ALL women. Give her another chance before you insult her by hooking up with a man. No matter what, just let yourself stay open to your future possibilities. You might have another girlfriend some day. Men are far from perfect and they will give you problems. Guys don't really understand your feelings, they aren't as loving and romantic, nor can they rock your world in bed like a woman can, and guys typically are more abusive and they're more likely to cheat. If you think you can leave her and be with guys and have her as just a friend, FORGET IT. That's not going to happen. You will most likely hurt her and drive her away forever. Can you blame her? Sorry, but no d!ck is worth that. Think about that.
2007-01-16 15:58:14 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Oh how much does that suck. I'm sorry to hear it. I guess you have to break up. Is this woman an emotional time bomb? If so, maybe you ought to have someone there when you do. A lot of people break up in public. The downside to that is if they have a sh!t fit in the middle of the restaurant. Its embarassing. On the upside, theres no way they are going to hurt you in front of all those people. I hate to say this, but after you break up it is best if you don't see each other at least for a while. It ain't like training wheels. You have to make a clean break. Later, if that is what life throws your way, you can choose to have whatever relationship you desire. I wish you luck with all of this. Short term it is most likely going to be unpleasant no matter what you do, but long term you will be much happier. I don't know if it means anything to this answer, but I'm a guy, and so's my sweetie!
2007-01-16 16:08:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have never been with a man in any sexual liaison nor any relationship for you to "want" to be with a man. I think you are trying to figure out a way to get attention that is unhealthy for you and your soon to be X girl friend.
Until you have actually experienced a man, you have no business contemplating it without solving the relationship problem you have, first. Also, you are now 20 years old... A woman, and it's time to fess up to your mom and everyone you know that you have a girl friend.
The sooner you do that, the sooner you will accept yourself and own your future.
Create a great day, create a great week, create a great month, and create a great life by being honest with yourself first. Then, the rest will take care of itself.
2007-01-16 16:00:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
You have just gone through the same thing as half the young people who are still looking to find themselves. My Mother is a lesbian, and then She isn't, and then She is again, and then......Get the idea. Every one of My lesbian friends (and Gays too) have had doubts about the rightness of Their choices. +So long as You are not scared of being whom ever it is that You are and are not being bullied into being someone Else's idea of what They want You to be then it will all work itself out in the long run. If You think She can handle it then tell Your Mother that it was a stage of Your development that You were going through - then bring home a boy and see how She reacts! If You still want to be "Bi", just at the moment it is very fashionable and You have the added benefit of being "saved" by every second person You meet.
2007-01-16 16:09:18 · answer #5 · answered by Ashleigh 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You were probably never really "bi" to begin with. I recently answered a question about bisexuality and it's existence. I happen to NOT believe in true bisexuality. It's a cover-up from insecurities and ALOT of women do it because they can...straight men love seeing two women together and women just to it to be trendy. You are either gay or straight.
Let her know that you are no longer interested in pursuing a relationship with her and that you now feel attracted more towards men. If she was aware of you "bi" status she should be accepting of this and let you be with a man because that is what "bi" people supposedly do. It shouldn't matter to her whether you are leaving her for a man or woman...she should understand that her time is up and it's time for you to move on.
Work it out--you'll be alright.
2007-01-16 16:01:23 · answer #6 · answered by AnthonyPaul 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
By the way u are saying.. it feels that actually you are not in love with the girl.. in fact you just have this crush on her that's all.. that's why u were have this mixed feelings about her... why dun u just tell her that it's a totally mistake for both of u and love cannot be forced.. tell her that there are others out there waiting to love her.. and you both can still be friends
2007-01-16 16:44:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your only twenty, your still a baby. just getting your feet wet. your still learning about yourself which is ok. feeling that you have for certain people will change over time. thats just human nature. You like guys now and thats just the way it is. But you gotta be honest with yourself and ur girlfriend. dont hide anything from her. If you do then you may hurt her even more than you think.
2007-01-16 16:01:27 · answer #8 · answered by monroe5508 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I had a lovely friend in college whose first affair was with another woman. They had a great relationship but one day the other gal broke it off and moved on. My friend was heartbroken for awhile but she eventually got over it. Last I heard from her she had married a man and was pregnant, so yes, you're gonna be okay. And yes, you will always be bisexual. Nothing wrong with it, but if you don't want to act on it again, so be it. Just chalk it up as another relationship and move on.
by the way, my friend and her girlfriend lived with my friend's mom during the affair. So she was cool with it. If your mom can't handle it, that's really her tough luck. You are an adult & she'll have to deal with it.
But do me a favor: don't become one of those "ex-gays" who are so hateful and oppressive, okay?
2007-01-16 16:02:06 · answer #9 · answered by mabster60 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Sometimes feelings change, and maybe being in a relationship with a girl and having it not work out is making you question ever being with a woman again. Its like dating a white guy and he treats you like crap and then not trusting white guys anymore. Not justified, but sometimes its a persons natural response.
2007-01-16 17:06:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋