ive been married 24 years and found out my wife had an affair she wants to try again do i give her a chance?

Answer 1

You must be feeling very hurt, confused, angry and scared.

Is she genuinely remorseful or is she just upset that she got caught? Does she REALLY want to work on the relationship or does she just want to keep things status quo? Are you BOTH willing to do the work necessary to overcome this? If the answer to all of these questions is yes, I would start couples counseling. Explore your feelings with a therapist together. He or she will help you to find those answers within. Don't be afraid to be honest with yourself about what you're feeling.

Remember, it isn't your fault!!! Your wife is responsible for her own behavior, and she has to be held accountable for her choices. See if she is willing to truly own up to her mistakes... It's going to take time to see that...she is going to have to regain your trust. Take it slowly. Take care of yourself. Set appropriate boundaries. Don't allow your wife's choices to rob you of your sense of self-worth, or make you feel "less than." It is NOT about you...she cheated because SHE has inadequacies within herself. Not because YOU are inadequate.

God bless...and good luck.

Answer 2

How do you feel about the situation? Its not easy to forgive and forget something so severe as this. Could you ever trust her again? What was the premise of the affair? Why did she have the affair? Was it ongoing or a one time thing (not that it matters an affair is an affair)? Does she still have feelings for this person?

Different people can deal with infidelity in different ways. You have to ask yourself, can you live with this? Can you put it behind you? Is it worth saving a 24 year relationship? Only you can answer these questions. Do you have children? You would be better off talking to someone close to you to help sort through the details? We can say leave her, once a cheater, always a cheater. But you have lived with her for 24 years, you know what you have invested and what you will lose if you walk away. Only you can decide if it is worth another shot.

Answer 3

Depends on what you want, you are the victim here so regain power and make your decision. 24 yrs is a long time. 24 yrs of being good is a long time as well, do we throw away 24years of hard work by both of you and walk away. If you want to stay married then you both need to do some work here. Straying is the work of one member of the marriage, problems leading up to it is the work of both parties. It seems that there were issues that would have contributed to this affair present in the marriage even if you did not see it face up. Often the affair is a cry for help, help for your relationship. Your wife wants to work on the marriage, go for it if you feel you can put the event behind you and work on the future. Boundaries will have to be set, trust rebuilt. Some affairs ruin marriages but some have also been the wake up call that has led to many more happy years. If this is the one thing that your wife has done to deceive you then after 24 years she deserves some compassion. What she did was wrong no denying it but if you truly love her give her another chance after all she is only human, would nt you want that same consideration from your wife after all these years. Oh so you would not have strayed.............never say never so they say, perhaps she just got in first.

Answer 4

Men and women cheat for different reasons - for women it's mostly about an emotional/intellectual connection. If you are both willing to work on the parts of your marriage that have been unfulfilling then I'd give her another chance. If you think everything was just fine (which the evidence shows is not the case) then there's probably no point in trying again.

It doesn't matter if you don't understand where the problem lies, and it most definitely doesn't mean it was your own fault (God forbid!), but if she went looking for something from someone else then there was something missing that she may not even have been aware of herself (or was aware of but never said anything to you, robbing you of the chance to "fix" it).

I do recommend couples counseling, because that can help the healing process by helping you identify where the real problem lies. Obviously she still loves you since she wants to try again, and after 24 years I think your marriage is worth the effort of figuring things out.

Good luck!

Answer 5

I guess only you can answer that question honestly. 24 yrs is a long time to just throw away though. Do you love her ? Can you forgive her ? Do you want to fix up what has been broken ? Can you ever trust her again ? These are the questions you must ask yourself and answer truthfully. My husband and l have been married 30 yrs and he had a 3 yr affair, l found out and we separated briefly. We are now working out our problems and everything is great for us but l chose to forgive him. Trust me it's not easy but if you love each other enough it is possible. It's all up to you though. Good luck, l wish you well.

Answer 6

Been married for 24 years is a long time....but what about if she'll do it again after you forgive her? You knew what kind of relationships you've between you and your wife..You are the only one can judges on this. In my case it would be hard to forgive after 24 years of married and found out she was unfaithful..why didn't you asked her why she did it?..

Maybe she's on menapause LOL... some women when they're on menapause they tend to be unhappy in their life..

Answer 7

You need to look at the reasons for the affair, was there a break down in communication, was she not getting enough attention, did you stop making time for each other? Find out from her why, then work through those things but only if you feel its worth saving. Good luck :o)

Answer 8

Take her to the divorce courts and take her for everything she has as well as what both of you had.Show no mercy,After all,You probably don't have any young ones after 24 years of marriage.No doubt if you had children they are probably fully grown so there won't be any emotional children involved.So i say to hell with it,Enjoy your life and find somebody that will be loyal and trusting.You don't need this crap.Live life to it's fullest,You don't need to stay with someone that's going to hurt you emotionally just because she is insecure.Your in the prime of your life man,ENJOY IT.Good luck and god bless.

Answer 9

When was the affair? Was this recently? Will you be able to look past the affair if you are to work things out? Won't be fair to say "let's try again" and constantly be bringing up the affair. So, be honest with yourself. Is your wife ready to try again or is she afraid of losing you (security/safety net)? 24 years of marriage? Think about it, but listen to your heart AND brain.

Answer 10

I would not.

Even though your wife may be begging you to take her back or give her another chance, deep inside of her mind, she will not respect you for taking her back after what's she's done to you. She will take you for a sucker - if not consciously, then sub-consciously.

I know it may be very tempting to have her beg you etc. and I'm sure it hurts, but chances are you will be better off without her.

The worst thing ANY man can EVER have is a lying, cheating wife/girlfriend.