Is 3.5 mos too young to let him "cry it out"?

Question

My son is getting to where he has to be held ALL the time! I can't put him down without him screaming! I know there is nothing wrong with him. He's just been fed, burped, changed and he's not sick but he's in there throwing a fit and I don't know what to do with him. Do I just let him cry or do I get him? I don't want him to be a crybaby later, and I'm afraid that's what is going to happen if I keep pacifying him. :/

Thanks for all of your great advice! I couldn't stand it anymore (it hurts my feelings when he cries) so I picked him up and now hes laying on the bed beside me watching me. It's weird to know that all the wanted was to be able to see me.

Facefind: It's not gas. I know that cry. He hasn't had gas since I switched him to soy. Thanks for your comment, though..

Bollywood: I do what I know, and what I don't know, I ask. My son is ALWAYS clean and fed and loved more than I ever was..I was simply asking because I don't have anyone else TO ask and I want my son to be independant and responsible. Thank you.

*Independent. I hate spelling errors. haha

Answer 1

Babies this age cry to COMMUNICATE and NOT to manipulate. At this very young age, being held is still a true NEED for him. Something that is "spoiled" has been ignored and left on a shelf to rot, not given love and attention.

Even those who advocate CIO (Ferber) do not suggest it prior to 6 months of age.

Answer 2

I'm not really fond of the "cry it out" method. I understand that new mothers need lots of rest! (and to take a break occasionally) But, the baby is in the period of life where it is learning to trust its environment. The baby's needs are comfort, mom, and food.

I would suggest merely going in and rubbing the baby's back, if its not a hunger-cry, and reassuring the baby that the world is an okay place where its needs will be met.

Babys have distinct crys for different needs, I am sure you are already learning this. Pretty soon, you'll be able to calm the baby with a gentle pat on the back or a coo from the door.

Some babys need more attention than others. If you are sure that the baby's needs are met and he's still crying, lay him down and just rub his back. It may take a little time to adjust to it, but it'll work! Babys crave contact...after all, he was VERY close to you for 9 months, now he's out in the cold - away from you. He's just making sure that you're still there.

Answer 3

Just my humble opinion...yes. I think that at this stage of the game, you are absolutley right that there is nothing actually "wrong" with him, but he does want you. That is a great sign that you have been a wonderful Mom and that he knows EXACTLY who he wants and never to leave sight of. He is depending on you for 110% of everything in life right now. Any separation from you at this point might seem like sheer terror (which of course it isn't) to him...he does not understand that if you pee for a minunte and a half, you are literally coming right back. He does not understand that although that yummy smell of food is not for him, his is coming soon. It is so hard for their little brains at this point to know that you are totally sure they are OK even when you put them down heaven forbid for 3 minutes! All that said, you need a break and deserve one.
Consider getting a Snugli. If you have already done this, be brutally honest with yourself and determine how long you can comfortably hear him cry without feeling really guilty about it. As long as you are certain he is OK, and you feel that if you don't take a 3 minute break behind your bedroom door ALONE you will burst, then by all means do it and come back refreshed and renewed and cheerfully rescue him from the safe place you put him in.
As for just the everyday clingyness of needing you ALL the time, if my two boys are anything of an example, I am sorry to say, but that is there to stay! Boys are very in-tune with their Mothers - it starts at birth and never stops, I never understood that until I had my own. Someone once said, "Mothers of boys work from Son up to Son down." How true it is.
Wishing you peace and sanity...you are doing great! Take Care.

Answer 4

Babies can't be spoiled at 3 or 4 months old, he's crying for a reason.

Does he have colic? He'll pull his legs up to his chest when he cries and his tummy will be hard.

He also may be just bouncing off your energy, all my babies (I've had four!) have done that... the more frustrated and unsure of myself I was, the more my newborn would cry. If you can have anybody.. a friend, neighbor, relative, daddy ... take over for an hour to let you get some reprive, it would help.

Calm, assertive energy works wonders with getting a baby to calm down.

Answer 5

Screaming like this is usually gas...probably from his formula..which most likely contains iron! You need some mylicon drops for babies..for gas! He is far to young to be crying it out! This is why he wants to be held..he is in pain, and your warm, this helps soothe the gas pains..try giving him a warm bath when this is really bad to relieve the gas..some gas drops, and have some patience too! Next have him checked by his pediatrician for ear aches and tell the doctor about the crying!
He may want to change his formula to help with this. Good Start formula without iron is a good one. Johnsons baby bath with lavender..sleepy time I think it's called is also soothing to little ones. Swaddle the baby good, and lay him on his side to sleep.
Good Luck...I know it's hard sometimes.

Answer 6

Childrearing is like religion: everyone has their own opinions about it, and they all think you're damned if you do anything but what they say. There are all sorts of opinions out there, and NOBODY really knows. A lot of people seem to think that the best way to raise your child is whatever is hardest for you, whether that means being at the kid's beck and call day and night, or sitting in the next room and listening to him scream.

Near as I can tell, the important thing is to love the kid the best you can, and trust your instincts for the rest. Read the guidebooks if you want to, but trust yourself above all.

Answer 7

I have six grandchildren and this is the typical view that women in society take because they couldn't bear for their freedom to be imposed upon. You can never spoil an "infant" by holding them too much. He needs to be held, animals cradle and carry their babies for months. He may be colicky which is not considered "sick" per se.
Think about it, for 9 long months he was cradled in a warm comforting environment and now he is laying in a crib alone.
It doesn't hurt to carry and hold him as much as possible as an infant. Why do you think the Native American women had papooses for their little ones? They were/are in closer touch with nature....

Answer 8

Yes it most defiantly is too young to let him cry it out. Take a break collect yourself. Put on some soothing music and then get him to sleep.

Studies have shown children under the age of six months do better in their toddler years if they do get the attention they need.

At this age, they NEED your help. At six months that's when you can start weaning him/her from you! I know it's tough but you can most defiantly do it! Just calm down for a few minutes and try again! Best of Luck.

Answer 9

3.5 months is not too young to let him "cry it out". Break him in gently. Start with letting him cry for 5 minutes at a time. Leave the room or go slightly out of ear shot if you have to, to get yourself through it. It was the toughest thing i ever had to do as a mother. I was told by my doc that it was perfectly healthy to let them cry up to 15 minutes at a time. If they are crying really hard (like really hard) for more than that it could cause a hernia, or other small problems. Good luck with it.

Answer 10

Babies might be ready to cry it out at 6 months, NOT 3.5 months.

"Crying it out" is widely misunderstood. Please read about The Ferber Method.

Ferber never says you should simply leave your baby in his crib and shut the door behind you. His progressive waiting approach allows you to gradually limit the time you spend in your child's room while providing regular comfort and reassurance — as well as reassuring yourself that he's okay.

http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/7755.html