should a married man have co-workers as "friends" ?

Question

he works w/2 girls and outside of work he says they are friends. i found out he has lunches w/these girls all the time and is always driving them to places when they need help. they text him throughout the day and when he comes home he has been deleting their calls and texts. he says its cause he doesnt want to have to explain what it is they talk about. i have also found messages on yahoo messenger and when i ask him if he has talked to them he says no. its very frustrating how should i handle this? do i step in and tell them to back off as well?

Answer 1

It is very inappropriate for female coworkers to be calling a married male coworker unless it is job related. I would make that clear to these women in exactly those words. Your husband could of put a stop to it too. It is well within his power to do this and lunch with these women too? I do not know of any wives that would find this acceptable.

Answer 2

I'm of two minds here. I manage a staff of 25. My assistant manager has been with me for the last ten years (back then it was a staff of seven). Coincidentally, my wife and I have been married for ten years. I can't imagine living my life without either. While there is no attraction (and as far as I can tell has never been any) between my assistant and I, I have mad respect for her, I consider her vital to my career and I would probably not want to continue working with my agency if she left. We regularly have lunches, we buy each other coffee, we send and receive texts and sometimes IM. My wife even refers to her (jokingly) as the day-wife (to which my assistant always replies that at least she is getting paid).

That being said I would never cheat on my wife. She is my dearest friend in this world. I worship the water she walks on and it would hurt me beyond measure to hurt her. I am incredibly lucky to have her. She may be one of the most cherished women in America. I try to find a new way to tell her how much she means to me every day. My wife is secure in our relationship because I will never give her a reason not to be. It doesn't sound to me like you're getting the same treatment.

SO... I strongly recommend a keylogger. You can get one at www.download.com for free. You'll have a complete record of the IM's hubby is sending and if they are innocent you'll know it, if not you'll have the evidence you need to make a confrontation.

Answer 3

It is possible that they are just friends, but if he doesn't want to share what they talk about and is trying to hide the fact that they do talk, I would have to wonder. I would make an effort to sit down calmly and rationally discuss what issues bother you. Tell him that you don't mind the fact that they are friends, but you feel that he is hiding something by deleting calls and text messages and that makes you question his honesty.

Your mate should be the one person that you can trust beyond all others. Suspicion is an awful wedge that can tear a relationship apart.

If he still does not understand your concerns, you may have to take more aggressive steps like sharing your concerns with the girls. But, he is the one who is at fault here. He is the one who said I do, and he should!!!!!

Answer 4

Been there done that sweety. Don't be stuck in a hard place like I did. He's up to no good. Stop this while you can. My husband has so called "Friends" I don't fall for that **** anymore. It is very frustrating and I feel for you because your stuck in the middle of the lies. And the lies I'm speaking of is him telling them stories about you not doing this and not doing that. Really your lucky if he's even metioning you at all. These women these day are so damn bold it's not even funny. They're tell your man how they will do this to him and his naive *** is believing it. As far as stepping in be warn that these trifin' whores are going to come at you with "if you was doing your job, he wouldn't be talking to me". Trust me honey we bouth know we're doing our job. They're the ones that's not doing their ******* job because if they're all that he would have left a long time ago. So like I said you really need to get him and show him what it is before he take it tooooo far.

Answer 5

Yeah thats a tricky one. I think having lunch with Co-Workers are o.k, but driving them around and texting and emailing is all a bit too much. explain to your husband that it makes you feel uncomfortable and that you would like it to stop. You can just hand out at lunch time but after that is not appropriate. I know I woldn't like it if that was me. Don't talk to the girls about it as this is between you and your husband and its his reponsibility to put a stop to it. Be strong and don't back down no matter what he says. Good luck

Answer 6

I'm sorry for the situation you're in at. It's bitter and painful.
You should find the right solution for this. Start talking with your husb. in a calmly manner as possible and explain to him how you exactly feel and say, lets be smart and honest about it, cause this will get bad. Mixed up emotions doesnt do any good to any marriage or relationship. ALL THE BEST.

Answer 7

Having friends is one thing,but the lying makes you wonder what he has to hide. If they are just friends at work those friends usually don't text and call etc. Especially if they know he is married. I would be having a fit considering he works with them too. And as far as driving them places , do these girls have absolutly no one else? That would make me explode. My husband knows his clothes would be on the front porch. He needs to know there is a difference between co-workers and friends.My husband said to tell him if he continues against your wishes to take his **** and go. good luck

Answer 8

I'd say he's too chummy with the women he works with. Yeah, WAY too chummy. Next thing you know, they'll be going shopping at the mall together and he'll be helping them pick out bras and panties. Tell him to stop because it is beginning to hurt your marriage. Trust is a fragile thing sometimes, and he is pushing it. Depending on what happens after you tell him that will depend if you need marriage counseling. He should respect your wishes to at least stop texting, messaging, and doing the lunch thing too much.

He needs to make some guy friends. If anything, also tell him that it looks gay to hang out with the women.

Answer 9

Anyone would have friends, but you need to investigate. Stop questioning him, it will only create animosity among you. Try observing and find out what happens at these lunches and outings. Tell him, that he need not delete the texts because you are not going to question him about anything. But when you have the opportunity, investigate what they are.

Its not good to be suspicious of anybody but once you do become suspicious, you can't rest until you find-out for sure. Or I will not advise you to do this. Good luck.

Answer 10

I worked with one guy (boss) and 3 and 4 other women. We went to lunch all the time and did favors for one another if asked, when necessary or just to help one another out. We went on seminars together and joined other men and or women. We were a team and a successful team. We had to care about each other. We did. There was no hanky panky going on either. The boss did have an affair many years later. We did not approve of it but what could we do? He was the boss after all so although we didn't like it one bit we kept to ourselves about it. And, yes we talked about anything and everything with him. It worked. The wives never interfered or we jealous of us.
However, I do believe a husband should share in the office affairs with his wife. What else does he have to talk about over dinner anyway?