Life's Inconsistencies
Happiness always lasts temporarily
and it's consistency is controlled arbitrarily
All hopes and dreams are glass waiting to be shattered
after they are your body and mind are left tattered
Happiness is inconsistent
but the sorrows in life are ever persitent
It's better to grow up and face the strife
then to be naive and think there's true happiness in life
Everyone should accept honesty
rather then ending up living in misery
People don't understand this philosophy
they would if they knew my life story
Happiness makes everything bright
but once it fades you wonder who turned out the light?
After you crash in the dark from the heights of happiness
that's when you'll realize your foolishness
You will see that I was right
then you will learn to stay out of the light.
I don't write good poems I know but I want to know just how bad it is so I can decide who can see it or if it should be burned.
2007-01-16 14:43:42 · 8 answers · asked by rry_dvd 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
Don't Be overly critical, be honest not abusive
2007-01-16 14:44:08 · update #1
poems came from individual feeling
anywhere it comes ..from spiritual feeling..or movement feeling
the point of a poems is ....
there's no rules that this is good or this 1 is not good....
most important of poems that the writer can freely put words on a paper and feels what's on mind ...
if you can freely put words and mind in a pieces paper
then it makes good poems ...it'll sound nice n worthy
good luck....
2007-01-16 15:26:06 · answer #1 · answered by arjuna>mencari>cinta 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think the poem is bad at all. Sometimes times happiness is hard to find, but it doesn't have to fade. There are starving kids in some places with no one to care for them. Even though their parents are gone, they still find the inner strength to sing. Don't burn this poem you never know. An other person might feel the same way. You should go to poetry.com
2007-01-16 23:19:32 · answer #2 · answered by Rachelle D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you're sad...don't get me wrong, if this is what you were going for, or you are, then you hit the nail right on the head!
I like it lots but one minor problem...
In line 4 your need a comma after are or a line break
Otherwise great!
...don't burn it!
What I would do is post it on urbis.com and you'll get good reviews from other poets.
on that site...my user name is BeeDot if you want to check it out!
2007-01-17 10:35:56 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The last 6 lines are pure gold. The rest is a bunch of crap.
2007-01-17 01:25:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anpadh 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not know whether it is good or bad but it sure tells me that deep inside you are sad....a desired quality for a good poet.
2007-01-16 22:49:32 · answer #5 · answered by moksha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think its very deep and has a clear message.
Try not to be so hard on yourself.
2007-01-16 22:55:52 · answer #6 · answered by Marina 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow, this is a really good poem. simple, but realistic and deep in emotion and feeling. i luv it. keep it up. ;-)
2007-01-20 16:30:17 · answer #7 · answered by p.s. - i love you 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think its pretty deep it has a message i like
2007-01-16 22:50:08 · answer #8 · answered by creamy1984 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋