Ive been sepeated with My Xwife for about 6 months now. My son comes around to visit me, he tells me everything about whats going on with her. When I talk to her about it she tells me she sleeps at his appartment from time to time. It hurts me to here that. My son is 7 years old and he tells me he hates the guy. I just can't stand the feeling that some one els is taking over my family I've been with for 9 years and I can't belive this is all happening to me. I just wish I didn't have to hear all the sh*t that I dispise wile I'm tring to get over her. How can I accept this with out having my emotions get in the way?
2007-01-16 14:39:21 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Unfortunately u have to learn to live with it..wish there was a cure all answer but theres not, the fact is she's moving on, and if u think its bad now it only gets worse down the road, (when a guy actually moves in or she gets remarried) sorry know thats not a thought u want to hear right now but its a fact.. but the more u try to go on with ur life the better u will be able to handle what ur hearing. Your son wont like most guys why? cause he's not u..plain and simple.. and the more distain u show for her bf the more he's going to hate him because well he'll want to be loyal to u.. BUT thats not right.. it actually hurts ur child in the long run to feel this way.. so he needs u to try and be ok with the situation so he can be ok with the situation even if u hate it up to ur eye balls he needs ur support to feel secure in his new life of being with out daddy on a full time bases. My only advice to u for the present feelings, is 1 stop talking to her about it, it really isnt any of ur business anymore what she does and with whom just like its none of her business what u do with anyone.. u need to stop those types of talks.. when ur son brings it up to u..u have to find away out of the conversation ..and not dwell in it with him.. he shouldnt be worried with this adult problem.. I know it hurts.. it sux and i wish there was a sure fire way to cure the pain, ive been there my x husband left for another woman so i know the pain of it all.. but it does get better..as time goes by.. but the first step is to stop talking about ur personal lives with each other and with ur son.. only where it directly concerns him should u talk to him about it, dont pump him for info.. dont make it seem like its a good thing to hate mommy's friends etc..only causes him mental anguish and i think u'd agree he's been through enough at this point.. and the way u handle things will help in him coping with this situation.. if he see's that ur ok, then he'll be ok..
And right now u need to focus all ur energy into him..and stop wasting it on her, she obviously doesnt care how u feel or u wouldnt be divorced..
Good luck, and i promise it does get better with time..
2007-01-16 15:54:10 · answer #1 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Aaww that is so sad. It has only been 6 mos. Trust me it takes time, time, & more time to move on with your life. The best thing you could do is not rush out and start dating someone else new while your still grieving over your break up. Im hurting too because my ex broke up with me & went overseas and got married. But low & behold I have been feeling better as of lately. I think I cried for 6 mos. everyday off and on. Literally! I tried to hurry up to get engaged on the rebound & it didnt work and I made my fiance's life miserable because of it.
If you still love her there is nothing wrong with that. She was your wife for crying out loud. You guys have a history together. Who knows things may not work out with her & this guy. Just reflect on what went wrong and keep your self esteem up high for right now. Dont argue with her when you see her. just let her know that you are a friend and not trying to control her life and let her make a decision. It takes a lot of self restraint, but she may realize that she really does love you and may want to give it another try. Just try not to make the same mistakes twice. You sound like a very nice man. :)
2007-01-16 15:08:46 · answer #2 · answered by Wisdom 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to say that whatever she does is none of your business now, and I know it hurts, maybe you are still in love with her. You must move on, join some clubs, go bowling, go clubing, join sports clubs, make new friends, yes, I know this is easier said than done, but you must push yourself, it will be worth it in the end. When your son comes over to your place, dont encourage him to talk about your ex's private affairs instead take him out to distract him away from those issues that hurt you, get some dvd's, go to the park, take him swimming etc etc, and by doing this you are building a bond with your son, and building a new life for yourself. The only way not to let your emotions get in the way, is by keeping yourself busy with activities and friends, it is very hard, but you must push yourself.
Good Luck to you and your son
2007-01-16 14:52:52 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First what you need to do is tell your little boy that you love him and know that this is hurting him that you his mother are not together anymore. But you think that it is best that he tells you no more about what goes on at moms house. I have been through that and it isn't good for him to see the pain in your heart and children see a lot more than you think. Tell him that it will make you happy to just have you and him talk about you and him. This will help you more than you know. It will get easier in time especially if you don't have to hear about it.
2007-01-16 15:00:43 · answer #4 · answered by *queenfairy1*Antioch California 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude, you need to move on with YOUR life. I know you still love your X but she is moving on. You will continually get hurt by focusing on what she's doing. Are you dating? You need to focus on your son. No one can take over your family unless you allow that to happen. You son obviously loves you so the other guy can't replace that.
Also, I know this is hard but, unless the other guy is an azzhole, do not let your son develope a dislike for him. That will create friction with his mother because she chose this fella and wants to be with him.
Lastly, QUIT ASKING YOU SON ABOUT HIS MOM AND HER FRIEND. You are not being fair putting him in the middle of this situaltion.
Good luck to you.
2007-01-16 14:49:36 · answer #5 · answered by Victor H 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand how you feel...my ex husband has brought all these different women into my sons lives and think there is nothing wrong with it. Now he is with a girl for 3 yrs and he takes care of her children more then he takes care of his own children. Your child will come back and tell you what is going on...remember no matter what children want their parents together. You will get over it and it does take time. Once you find a lady friend you still stop thinking about your ex...trust me_
2007-01-16 14:44:37 · answer #6 · answered by Chickybabe 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you need to tell your son not to inform you of things that are going on. He should not be speaking to you against her or speaking to her against you. Tell him what the boundaries are. If the other man ever hurts him, he must come and tell you. If he needs to speak his heart out to someone, find him an aunt or teacher (someone neutral).
If the two of you are divorced, then its over. She has the right to do what she wants. If you live in the past, you'll ruin your future and that of your son. If his mother is neglecting him, you need to be strong and be there for him. Put him first. Its your duty to do so.
2007-01-16 15:35:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My answer is that you can't. As long as you focus on what you need to do to feel motivated in life, those feelings will no longer overtake you, but it takes time.
It's like suffering the death of a loved one, you are going to have to go through the grief process. Being in the anger stage is a good thing because it means you are closer to getting through this.
Sorry, but for the sake of your son, it should give you solace to know he will look up to you in the long run.
2007-01-16 14:48:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your son may be telling you these thing to make you happy. Make sure you don't encourage it. You may not like it but it is better if the kids are happy in both homes. Encourage him to try to get along with your ex new man he may be there for a while and it is better for all if the kid is happy. You have a long road but IT WILL GET BETTER I have been there
Good luck
2007-01-16 14:49:17 · answer #9 · answered by Dustin W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't. You have not gotten over your ex wife and you still have deep feelings for her. You need to resolve your love for your ex and try to move on. I'm so sorry that you feel like this, but it does happen. give yourself time to heal and everything will be alright. Find a good (female) friend to help spill out all these emtions and you will feel better! good luck hun..
2007-01-16 15:23:04 · answer #10 · answered by Pandora 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋