Please advise?? was betrayed by my ex-bf. I helped him thru much thru our relationship even intense situation

Question

of him wanting to commit suicide.H expressed his love and told me he didnt want to lose me. Come to find out the reason he was feeling this way was bc he got a onenight stand pregnant months before we met. As I helped him come to terms he decided to want to meet his child & I told him he should be apart of the childs life.Well, he decided to remain friends w/ me until he figured how to deal with it all, but to hold on to "us". But I found out he was developing feelings for the mom and he got caught out. We had a huge blow out and exchanged very hurtful words and was cold and hurtful..we never did before.Then we spoke again and he said it was all uncalled for. Yet, I feel he wasn't sincere about it. He wasnt even able to speak to me on the phone for more then 2 min. Now he doesnt want to speal to me at all. All I wanted was to discuss the matter.His he feeling guilty, does he feel imperfect in my eyes now, so he is acting defensive?He hurt me beyond belief. Did he really want me gone

Answer 1

It sounds to me that your ex boyfriend is having some guilt feelings. You both have gone through a lot and I am sure he feels something in that you have seen the 'worst' of him and now - this pregnancy. Suffice it to say that he is very much confused right now. A child that is 'his' coming up after he has gone through possible suicide probably gives his 'mind' a reason to want to live. Sometimes people need something - anything to hold onto. He was probably just as surprised by the blowup you had also. When people say really hurtful things to each other - they can never be taken back and releasing them into the air - even though you have said your apologies - does not make the stench go away, I'll bet you he is feeling that this 'new' situation is offering him a kind of comfort that you are not at this time. Please don't blame yourself,. This may just be a blessing in disguise. I know people today have made allowances for the mistakes that others commit - even against themselves, but you know what? I'd be feeling a little relief right now. If you were to continue this relationship you have not only allowed your ex in your life, but he has a 'family' tagging along. You may not have even given yourself time to absorb the baby, the mother, the bills/debt, splitting time - etc. If I were you, I'd cut my looses. You sound as if you are young and would, in time get over this relationship. I know how you feel though. Your heart will heal, but he probably does want some space in his relationship with you. Write him a letter and let him know your concerns. It might be the best thing for now. Give him the space and see what happens. BUT, you should let him know that you are going to see other people. Good luck. And whatever you do - take care of yourself! your mind! your emotions! your heart!

Answer 2

no i think he is acting this way is
first: he feels guilty that he hurt u cuz he loves u but he thinks he might also love someone else
second: he is scared that u are gonna hurt his feelings again becasue he hurt urs
third: somethines guys say things they only mean at the moment, so when he was being suicidal u helped him and he was so grateful so at that moment u were his "sun" his "love" his "guidance" his "meaning to live" that is why he said the things he did ...he meant all of it but just at that particulat point in time
fourth: in a way he doesn't want to talk to u because u remind him of the foolish things that he had wanted to do (ie suicide) and to move forward he doesn't want to be reminded of that past
ADVICE:
1. give him so time to think over what he wants so don't call him or anything just let him cool off and think this through but set a deadline like i am giving u a week to get things straightened out
2. if he choose to get back with u then show him u really care about him and that u absolutely understand why he did what he did and u don't think less of him
3. if he choose to loose u(so he miss his deadline)then tell him in a friendly way that ur relationship is never gonna work and staying friends is impossible so u think it is best that u each part ways a wish him best of luck in his future and goodbye forever and sorry about all the hurtful things u said

GOOD LUCK!!! i know it is hard but sometimes u just gotta let go cuz i mean its no good if u hold on to that strand of hope that don't exist .......stay strong :o)

Answer 3

What I keep hearing is the word "help". Sound likes a victim - saviour type of relationship. Co-dependent people get easily drawn into the pain and problems of others, feel responsible to help people solve their problems while ignoring their own, look outside themselves for meaning, identity and value, say yes when they mean no and tend to blame others for their own unhappiness, failures and frustrations.

Answer 4

What a mess. I would leave him. He cheated was extremely irresponsible. He could have given you aids or got AIDS other venereal diseases, besides getting her pregnant, He is a bad deal. Get a better life. Don't sleep with the next guy until he marries you. Or you will get hurt again and again.

Answer 5

he wanted it all you and the other girl so count yourself lucky u found out before u ended up with a child from him ,better u found out all about him now then later and he will always have ties to the other girl because of the child ,i no it hurts but move on and consider yourself lucky i am sure you will meet someone and then you will wonder what u were doing with him in the first place ,your one lucky lady most dont find out till its to late

Answer 6

many times while a guy acts like that, he desires to end the dating. He does not decide to return mind-blowing out and say he does not decide to be with you, so somewhat he tries to furnish you motives to offload him so he's not a dink for dumping you.