My husband works very hard and make a great salary (200k+). I'm a mortgage broker and work on commission. I don't make anywhere close to as much as he does and don't work anywhere as hard; part-time at best. I am however responsible for the majority of the household upkeep. We don't have any children.
Lately he's been on my case about being lazy. When we argue he's quick to point out that essentially everything we own is his. This is very demeaning to me since we've been married for some time.
How should I deal with this?
2007-01-16 14:08:44 · 16 answers · asked by gabgirly 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I hope that you are putting away some money for a rainy day! If he truly loves you, property and money never come into play, what's his is yours and vice-versa. I think you should invest in you and you alone. By this I mean, it is time to sharpen up your skills and become dependent upon nobody but yourself. He has the upper hand because he knows that he has the finances and that you are truly being kept. If need be go back to school and major in something that you like or are truly interested in. Then you start you an account and invest in "YOUR" future. I would also talk to him and let him know how this is unfair and that it upsets you. You will know what you must do by his reactions. Good luck to you lady, you deserve it all and don't let NOBODY tell you any different.
2007-01-16 14:21:56 · answer #1 · answered by notnew2U 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he opts to not help, it sounds like he could afford to pay for a once a week or twice a month cleaner person. If you are not full time employed, it seems like more of the daily stuff would fall on you, but he eats and wears clothes and makes messes, so there should be some way for you to get some help. The arguing about material things sounds pretty negative. Get in his face, does he want to push you out? That behavior would make me want to leave. I have lived in some pretty sparse places in my lifetime and don't mind being alone. It is better than a life filled with fighting about material things. Not having any kids is certainly an advantage to you. You could be free of all this strife.Good Luck.
2007-01-16 22:20:36 · answer #2 · answered by plaplant8 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is why men like him should NEVER get married,
income disparity is a great source of tention / friction and often leads to divorce. cosidering his money probally does pay for the majority of the bills ( including any sort of retirement for the both of you ) it's only natural that he is going to expect a bit more from you in exchage for him being the priamry bread winner..
the thing in should you 2 ever divorce ( highly likey with education / income disparity such as yours according to the US Census ) he'll be the one wishing he had you sign a prenup ( not that you would anyways.. but you would claim equality in a marriage but your not.. and that it's not romantic....but marriage is not about LOVE.. it is about a corporate merger.. and that's EXACTLY how the courts see it.. ) as you be hell bent to sue him for what he is worth as you'll want revenge ( common amoung women who are served summons ) and will hire the best attorney you can buy for the money to get as much out of him ( not for monetary value but to make a statement ) as you can...
if you were truly and indepedant women you walk away and not want anything.. as your independant financial means should keep you on your own 2 feet.. but that RARELY happens.
ther is no equity in marriage.... that is an old falsehood.. and thus none in divorce
2007-01-16 22:23:24 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hire a maid and take up tennis. He will have a clean house and he cannot say you are lazy. You might want to check and see if you live in a community property state, if so print off the law that says everything "we" own I own 1/2 of. Next, don't get pregnant!
2007-01-16 22:20:35 · answer #4 · answered by Ren 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
For one thing if you are married depending on what state you live in everything you own is equally yours and his. If there is anything that has just his name on it you need to change that for many reasons. As far as the household goes unless he controls all the money hire a maid. Then he can't complain.
2007-01-16 22:51:03 · answer #5 · answered by britches 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you live in the U.S. he is wrong about how everything you own is "essentially" his. In the U.S. it's called marital assets and is split 50/50 in divorce court so he's wrong. Maybe you should point THAT out to him...That if you were to file for divorce you would get at least HALF of everything that is "essentially" his.
2007-01-16 22:39:33 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did he get a premaritial aggreement? Half is yours. He needs to get over the money thing and the two of you need to do more than your half to make things better. If both can not do this then this is the problem.
2007-01-16 23:00:44 · answer #7 · answered by ronnny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1) Acquire new professional skills - take courses & all that - to equip you with newer job opportunities if necessary, side-by-side with your current schedule.
2) Have some time out with your husband. Your relationship requires a bit of time to itself.
2007-01-16 22:14:35 · answer #8 · answered by Sabya 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you only have to work if you want to but at the same time if you dont want or care to work it would give you more time to care for the house holed duties... Tell him how this makes you feel and that it hurts you and ask him what you can do to make it easier.
2007-01-16 22:16:33 · answer #9 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Counseling or get out...he's got a problem and I don't think it's you...is he fooling around ??? Or doesn't he like his job anymore ??? midlife crisis ???
Make him see a Dr first...might be something Prozac can take care of...
2007-01-16 22:13:39 · answer #10 · answered by Chrys 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋