What do you think of my poem?

Question

what happened
yesterday
is a mere of tomorrow
a glance of yesterday
happiness
your soul flys through space

it could happen
any day
anyway
where going to celebrate

so light the candles
and blow them out
another year
just got wiped out
another second
of your life fades

but its not wasted
anyway because moments matter
forget years
silver hairs
laughter's tears
life's a coaster
that likes to spin
but its not over

so hop on in
enjoy the ride
of life's adventures
a new event
be sure to remember
life's a gift from the one above

treat each other nicely
with lots of love

tomorrow's futer
will be the next day's past
lets treasure this moment and make it last

Answer 1

I like it, set it to some guitar music and you got yourself one heck of a rock song.

Answer 2

wow, if you dont mind id like to write a piano to go with it, who knows i could become the next daniel powter, jk buti might actually right a song for it just for my family and friends. if i wrote a song with a slower melody in a harmonic minor and kinda saddened the ending up a little it would be a very beautiful song. this is really good, i salute you. i used to write poetry but then that hobby kinda developed into writing lyrics and this is really good so you should send it into a magazine or something or an art contest

Answer 3

For me a poem has to have rhythm. It does not inevitably might desire to rhyme notwithstanding if it desires to hit my emotions. i think of readability of expression is significant besides. i don't decide to 2d guess what i'm interpreting approximately. I continuously seek for what I term "poetic gem stones"interior the textual content textile.

Answer 4

I think your poem is great. It has soul, personality and great voice! It shows how you feel about life. I think you should enter a poetry contest or something. Don't let your talent go to waste! I write a lot of poetry myself. And please.... do not let that Zach guy bring you down, he obviously doesnt know the first thing about poetry. Your poem has definitely inspired me to think outside of the box! Keep it up!
P.S: I would like to see more!

Answer 5

Very promising.

"another year just got wiped out" kinda made me cringe though. I think it may have made a slightly different tone.

Bottom line though, when I wrote poetry, it was only to please myself. I consider myself as the only judge that mattered with my work. You can use what people say as a guide, but ultimately your goal should be to impress yourself. (Obviously I did not aspire for any commercial success.)

Good luck and keep writing.

Answer 6

personally i think it's kind of sporadic and poorly organized. there's no thought train, and no hook. sometimes it's better not to rhyme if the rhyme dosen't carry a strong meaning. poetry is more about making someone think and feel strongly not just putting together words that sound well together.

i did get some sort of visual out of it however. don't get me wrong, it's not terrible. just keep writing. don't let anyone get you down. try to expand your vocabulary as much as possible.

good luck.

Answer 7

Not bad, but you need to watch your spelling: it's "mirror" not "mere." And, "future" not "futer" and "flies" not 'flys' and "we're" not "where."

Answer 8

THAT IS A LOVEY POEM. AND IF WE WOULD JUST REALLY ALL LOOK AT LIFE THAT WAY. YOU SHOULD KEEP WRITEN POEM AND GET THEM PUT IN TO A POEM BOOK.

Answer 9

i really like it. you should set it to music.

Answer 10

this is really good! Its got spunk and style! love it!