What is Romance?

Question

My husband and I differ on the issue of romance. I think that when people love each other romance should spark by itself. Dancing, wine by candlelight and lots of foreplay should be the standard, atleast in my opinion. My husband who loves me, is romance challenged. Doing these things he feels are unnecessary and awkward to him. I get frustrated because I think he should just "know" or just "feel" what to do but he sits there umoved and unresponsive. I asked him what his idea of romance is and he said spending time together watching TV or just talking about nothing in particular atthe dinner table while our son is sleep. Why is he not comfortable with the "traditional" type of romance? Are all men like this? How can we meet in the middle (plus, who's right??)

Answer 1

I don't think it is a matter of right or wrong. It is difference in his history of life. He probably never learned to be romantic. Because he never learned he feels awkward. No, not all men are uncomfortable. I would suggest you helping him by making him a list of things that "you" find romantic and asking him to once in a while use the list to surprise you. Be patient and praise him for what he does. Men love to be praised, it's an ego thing. Help him by talking him through it.

Answer 2

Ahha!! I understand your predicament entirely! I have a solution!! Have you read the book, The Five Love Languages? You would be amazed!
I think you are both correct in your definitions of romance, it's just that because you are two different human beings, you have different feelings.
Pehaps his way of showing romance toward you is spending time watching TV while yours is wine by candlelight.
If I were you, I would perhaps spend time together with your husband while laying on the couch of perhaps holding hands while watching TV for you and cuddling up.
Just reealize you are two different human beings.

Answer 3

Geez women, give him a break, he's a man, what more do you want from him? Oh thats, right, in our "feminist" society, the man should cater to our every need, read our minds and become metro sexual men. The reason he is not "comfortable" with societies idea of traditional romance is because that is the stuff that is written in romance novels by women.

Have you tried sparking the romance? Oh, no, you havent you siad? Oh yeah, thats right, MEN are supposed to know this stuff...HHEELLLOOO WAKE UP WOMAN.. If you want romance, get up and do it yourself. You cook the meal, you light the candles, you start off foreplay, i'm sure once you get it started, he will follow suit and take the lead.

But you need to also look at whatelse he does for you. Lets say that you live in a cold climate. Does he warm your car? Does he scrap the windshield or hell, does he shovel the driveway? Wow, to a man, THAT is romantic. He gets all cold and red nosed, so his beautfil wife just has to take two steps to her car and not worry about being cold or wet.

Or lets say you live in a hot climate. Do he do all the yard work? Does he get the car washed? Does he do outside work? Well, my gosh, if he does, isn't that just swell!! But no, you want him to be something he's not.

i think you need to look at all the little things he does for you to make you feel like a woman..Like he might just put a heart next to your name in his cell phone, or he might put something cute in his address book next to your name. he might take extra care when washing your cloths, or put up the dishes after dinner. He might take care of your car, or hell, even work on the nasty plumbing..(yeah, that stuff is nasty) Or does he run to the store to pick you up some tampons and ice cream when you run out? Get off the romance trip and let your man be a man...

Answer 4

People have different opinions on what romance is. Some think of it as you said wine, dancing, and candle light. Others consider it sports, watching TV, or talking.But mabey it could be for you doing something that you and your husband enjoy. Reading a book together, or go out and just do whatever you can find to do. As I said find a common interest, then do it.

Answer 5

Believe it or not both of you are right here... Romance means different things to different people.... Be glad and count your blessings that he wants to spend time with you and doing things with you like this... Not all men are like this... Sounds like you have a great husband there. You can meet in the middle by letting him do romantically to you what he thinks is romantic and you do to and with him what you think is romantic.....

Answer 6

i might circulate with the rain. The rain will the two be romantic because of the fact you're out in it with that distinctive somebody, or which you particularly decide to get interior with that distinctive somebody. The moon is okay, notwithstanding if it supplies off a mild and that may not what i desire while i desire temper romance.

Answer 7

Romance is different to each person! You are both right! You have to be willing to bend for each other! Get the "FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES". It is amazing that we can be happy and romantic with each other no matter how different we are, if we are willing to do those thing for each other that we each need! BEST OF LUCK TO YOU!

Answer 8

okay i have been married 13 years but been with my husband for 16years and in the hole time we have been together he has never been the type to wine and dine me and that's fine because he does things different from me and i love him so whats the difference to me.........as long as he is showing some interest to me then i am happy because i get cards that tell me how much he loves me but yes i miss those things to but you can not change the person you married because you knew what they where like when you married them in the first place.........