A father-to-be fears he will be either annoyance or juice-fetcher and no more. He understands that he has some uses, but wonders if men aren't more annoyance than help. No, he's not in the least trying to weasel out.
Explain, please, how and why men are useful during delivery?
"This is especially for women who, er...non-traditional...not on their backs in stirrups with a pile of interventions," he adds. He's looking through pictures in a childbirth book ("The Birth Book," Sears & Sears) and now has it in his head that all the men shown propping up women in various labouring positions were just given a chore to do.
No, I haven't entirely made sense of this question myself.
He repeats: "Are they usually more of an annoyance than a help?"
2007-01-16 13:57:45 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Very annoying, but he was there when the order was placed, he needs to be there when the order is delivered.
2007-01-16 14:01:59 · answer #1 · answered by LoneStarLou 5 · 5⤊ 1⤋
I labored for 31 hours with contractions that started 5 minutes apart, pushed for 3 hours and then ended up having a cesarean. My husband was definitely a big help. I had the worst back pain. It was worse than the contractions and those are heck of painful. He rubbed my back and laid next to me in the hospital bed when I thought I couldn't take it anymore. He also got me ice, made phone calls to family, etc. There isn't a whole lot they can do, but I think just having someone there with you makes it easier. You spend so much time laboring in the room by yourself. The nurses come by occasionally and the doctor is hardly there at all. And I know this is wrong, but if you're anything like me you may let out a few BAD words and he'll be there to remind you to breathe.
I also think it depends on your husband. Some guys just can't relate and probably shouldn't be there. If they don't want to be there, they will become more of an annoyance than a help.
But I will tell you, my husband was with me all three times and each time he was the first to see our babies. He cried each time he saw them for the first time and he said being there had a profound affect on him and he was glad he did it.
Good luck to you!
2007-01-16 14:11:35 · answer #2 · answered by Swim Mom 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I guess this would depend on the man. With the birth of my daughter, my husband hung out with me and kept me from getting bored. He did the ice chip thing and even left once in a while so I could have some room to breath. When it came time to push he was right there in it helping me along the way without being overbearing.
With the birth of my twins (A planned c-section) I never felt completely comfortable until he was in the room with me. He just held my hand and made silly comments like we always do.
I think, too, it also depends on the woman. Some women will be on edge no matter what the man is doing and will find him annoying, even if he's not.
2007-01-16 14:16:01 · answer #3 · answered by Dawn D 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A bit of both really. I am so glad my Hubby was present at both our children's birth, but at times I wanted to kill him. He'd say something wrong and I'd jump down his throat. I do think that it was probably more my hormones than his words. But I don't think that I could have stay so rational without him there. With the birth of our first child I had to have an epidural and I really didn't want to use pain relief again. So hubby and I decided that I wouldn't unless absolutely necessary. At the 2ND birth I cracked early on but he stayed firm. At the time I could killed him, but afterwards, after going through the whole birth drug free, I was so grateful. So really the answer has to be help actually. Tell this father-to-be that it is an experience he will never forget and if he misses it he will regret it for the rest of his life.
2007-01-16 14:19:48 · answer #4 · answered by angelbearcottage 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, my husband was not an annoyance at all. Just knowing that he was there beside me was wonderful. There's really nothing that anyone can do to help with that kind of pain - except of course the DRUG doctor! Just having a strong hand to squeeze was enough for me. Plus, it's a moment that you don't want your partner to miss out on if he can be there! It really is an amazing experience, and unless he's totally grossed out, or if he thinks that he's going to be the type to constantly ask annoying questions, then he should be there. You need the support of your partner to make it through. It's tough. Good luck!
2007-01-16 14:04:08 · answer #5 · answered by Megan 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
i have had 5 children, and i have found it has been vital to have my husband with me yes he may be the juice fetcher the one that you want to scream at ,bite their hands, blame them for this pain, but they are also there for comfort,massages,support,someone to lean on,with the father by your side its just not the mum that goes through all the labour the dad is right there with you the whole way and there to see his baby enter the world even cut the cord or you both could do it together(as it is a tough cord to cut).
I think it is also a great time to get to know your baby together before you get all the family/friends visiting.
mum of 5 and number 6 is due september
2007-01-16 14:11:29 · answer #6 · answered by ourmadhouse2005 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I was so relieved to have him there. He helped me to the bathroom, held me up when we were walking, rubbed my feet and my back. I don't think that I would have wanted it any other way. My mom was there too, so I had a lot of support. This time it will just be him and me and so I will let you know. Just kidding he is very kind and considerate so he will do well. No they can't take the pain away and no they can't help you push the baby out. But they can be your support, telling you yes you can do it when you don't think you can. Hope this helps, and tell your husband that my husband felt the sameway the first time.
Kath
2007-01-16 14:09:39 · answer #7 · answered by kath2 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm surprised at the response by some of the women ,,,, You sure wanted him there when you got pregnant ,,,, So what's wrong with the father being there when his child is born ,,,, Some of you claim he's a bother and you wish he wasn't there at all ,,,, Fathers have a right to be there during the birth of their children ,,,, I don't know how many times I've heard women bittch ,, cry ,, moan and complain because that bastard wasn't there and let you face it all alone ,,,, Boo Hoo ,,,, So which is it Lady's ,,,, You can't have it both ways just like you can't have your cake and eat it too ,,,, Yoda said this ,,,,,
2007-01-16 15:36:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I was alone for the first one and had my husband in for the second. The second was better for a lot of reasons, but having him there was one of them. He deserves to be in there, and provides immense emotional support even when he seems clueless or otherwise useless. It would have been a little more helpful if he had answered my question "what is it" with a gender instead of "a baby!" I was the last one in the room to know it was a boy, lol, he was so in overcome that he hardly remembers that exchange!
2007-01-16 14:03:24 · answer #9 · answered by Bored Enough To Be Here 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
My husband is funny, he looks like a tough football player but when I go into labor he goes in to a panic mode, at the hospital he just sits in the corner and doesn't know weather to cry, passout or throw up, my mom was the best help.
2007-01-16 14:09:56 · answer #10 · answered by Jody 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry with the delivery of both of my kids (7 years apart) he was useless. With the first one he kept ducking out for smoke breaks and with the second he just ran along behind the gurney. I didn't make it all the way in the delivery room. Baby #2 was born in the door way of the labor and delivery room.
Sorry sis wish I could be more help to you.
2007-01-16 14:13:38 · answer #11 · answered by Wealth of useless information 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋