I am torn between my husband and my first love!! Help!!?

Question

I love my husband very much but have been entangled in an old relationship off and on during my whole marriage. I feel bad about my secret attachment/relationship to my old boyfriend and want to move on with my life but my hubby found out and is VERY upset. We had other issues that he had forgiven me for and just as I am trying to make headway I get discovered. I desperately want my husband to know that I love him and adore him but I need romance, excitement and a man who is more dignified, successful and easy going. My husband tries hard but he is more like a lovable puppy than a dashing hero that makes me feel like a woman. He tries but fails miserably though he loves me and may never satisfy me but he is thefather of my child. His small faults are starting to be magnified as I compare him to this man. What should I do to save my marriage?? I want hubby to be my only but how can I feel fulfilled if he does not have the emotional tools?? Need a 'Hummer" but he is a Camry.

Answer 1

You, my dear, are sad, sad, sad.

Answer 2

Your hubby offers security, your ex offers romance, a touch of adventure but no committment. Whilst romance etc might be exciting and obviously more attractive think of your son he needs security, the sort that is offered by a biological father. There is a reason this other guy is your ex think back and understand why. Consider leaving both relationships to sort your self out. You seem to have an addictive personality regarding the ex. Time to withdraw and reflect about what is best in the terms of reality not fantasy. There is a strong chance that the ex wont committ, after all as you already know committed relationships are not for you, you would become bored with him soon after the romance dies. My guess too is the ex is quite happy with the current relationship all fun and no responsibility. You could find yourself totally alone. You did not mention any thought of leaving your husband but really you can't have your cake and eat it too. Sounds as though you have got away with this behaviour several times but have not been thwarted by the consequences although really they have not been severe as your patient husband remains loyal and gives you the benefit of the doubt. You compare your husbands faults have a look at your own how would you feel if your husband was doing this to you. Marriage takes both to be committed and yes it seems your husband needs to contribute a bit more but hey you are not focussing on this 100 percent either as your mind is elsewhere. Put some of that energy into saving your marriage, reflect what attracted you to this man in the first place. If you cant work on it then set yourself free and let your husband find the kind of love he deserves. Many a woman would be envious of you

Answer 3

Wow, what a story you have just told. Basically you have been cheating on your husband since you were married? What about the vows you took and promised to each other, God,family,and friends? Marriage takes work,time and effort. How long have the both of you been married?You married this man and not your first love. If he was all that and a bag of chips you would have married him,right? Teach your husband,show what you like,tell him what you like,how to please you. Did you ever think you might not be satisfying him? Did you ever hear the song;"Who's making love to your old lady,while you where out making love"? Except, in your case it will be the other way around, and you know he will quit waiting for you and someone else will have your man. Good Luck, you are a BAD GIRL!

Answer 4

You shoulda thought about that before you married him. When you entered your marriage you sealed the vows of a Holy Sacrament; not just a temporaryy civil union until you realize you don't love him. You 2 need to work at it so that you are both satisfied with each other. You need to stop comparing ur hubby with other guys. U'll never get exactly what u want. U have to look past his faults (as Im sure he has done with u many times as he has forgiven u before) and learn to accept him. For the sake of your child, follow what IS right not what feels right.

Answer 5

I think your friend just asked this very same question for you about 15 min ago..
all in all I would have to say that you seem to have allot of growing up to do.. You say you love your husband then do some thing for him.. Let him go... You want to change him... Yet you must have found him to be good enough for you to marry him.. You say he doesn't have the emotional tools..I wonder what you would do if he trashed you like you are doing to him now... It doesn't sound like you are sorry at all..
Hes a Camry um then what would that make you a Ugo.
I am sorry if I sound mean.. Some times people just need to hear it like it is..

Answer 6

Why the hell did you get married in the first place. See, most people think that a relationship is a 50/50 thing, but it is not. It is 100/100 you have to give all of yourself and it sounds like you did not really want to be with him in the first place. My suggestion is this.... Get a Divorce... Set your husband free. However, I hope that you dont believe that th Grass is going to be greener on the other side. Why didn't you Marry your first love if the two of you are all of that!?! He is prpbably in a relationship too. Anyway, Free your man...... You have have some issues.........

Answer 7

You made a mistake by marrying your husband and now he is paying for it. The only mention of "we" in the question is to identify other issues but everything else is about what you want.
Face the fact that you made a mistake, apologize and move on. Let your husband repair his life because I do not believe that you can ever make him happy.
I am sorry for being judgmental but ,as you say, he is trying but failing in your eyes. It does not sound as though you are trying even, only looking for support to do what you want to do. A successful relationship needs effort from both sides and I do not believe that you are capable of making that effort.

Answer 8

Your marriage is never going to work because for starters your "Camry" doesn't trust you. Secondly, you only love your "Camry" with conditions, which by the way is NOT fair to him, you are going through that extremely selfish phase, you don't want him but you don't want anyone else to want him either. I don't think you will have a choice in this matter, he needs to drop you and move on to better things, take the Hummer, why settle for less ??? Honestly, I doubt your relationship with the ex boyfriend is going to last after your pending divorce...there is a reason he is your ex in the first place.

Answer 9

while your behavior is bad, i dont think you mean to be hurtful. the plain truth is- your husband doesnt float your boat. even if the old flame was not around, you would still feel the same about hubby. this is unfortunate, but not mean. it is wrong to act on it though. you need to consider how you feel about your marriage,while not considering the ex. breaking up a family is tragic, but if you cannot stay in it and be faithful, then you need to consider letting him go ,and be prepared to work hard to have as good a relationship with him as possible,for the sake of the child,and all others involved.and- be prepared to possibly find that you were wrong about your feelings for him, once he has gotten over you,and is giving his love to someone else.

Answer 10

It seems you want your cake and the icing too. Why did you marry your husband if you wanted to continue the relationship with your old ? First STOP comparing and as far as him not having the emotional tool? You keep hurting him with your actions, he might be a lovable puppy to you but puppies run away when they are mistreated. Check yourself girlfriend you have a wonderful husband and don't be surprise if another woman thinks he is great also...

Answer 11

you are well on your way to divorce
it's obvious you married too young
as you have UNREALISTIC expectations of what is actually a marriage
and you left yourself with a feeling that you settled ( and you did in more than one way )
and it's ALL your fault.. not his
the unfortunate part is HE is going to have to pay for YOUR mistake

in terms of child support , due to your lack of maturity

this is common for young girl's ( as I will not even think of you as a grown women ) who get married young and bear a child, they felt that they have missed something
and so they do the comparison game ( and I KNOW you are not as hot as you think you are ... your hubby knows it.. and you know it... ) ...but you want to be desired as a hot women in demand would be.. and so your think that you should have hot adoring men chasing you.. and because you lack an understanding of mature love ( something I am sure you husband DOES understand ) you will fail in EVERY realtionship ( even with the ones you think treat you right as sooner or later you will want more and look for the BBD or Bigger and Better Deal ) until you do mature..

until then it's best to file for divorce right now..

don't stay in it for the kid..
as he/she will learn the ins and outs of a failed and miserable couple who choose to stick it out for the "kids sake "..
he'll/she'll will see there is no love between the 2 of you
he'll/she'll will learn that's it' ok to lie and cheat behind your partners back

and when he/she grows up he do the very same thing and harbour unhealty realtionships with the opposite sex
he/she either be non commital ( and I would not blame them if I had parents like you ) or be divorced himeself due to indigressions ( cheating, lying.. ), he/she will have learned well from you.

you can join the steady but growing line of young single / divorced mothers who leapt before they should have taken a good hard look..

to paraphrase from a song.....

you give love a bad name