what to say to a 19 year old male when he is disrespectful and says"I only learned from the best"?

Question

my 19 year old son has been raised with a silver spoon and now he treats his parents like crap and he says he do so because he learned this all from us.

Answer 1

Childhood spoiling is kind of hard to correct, but if you love your son you will take him on. He's 19 and of age and you now have the opportunity to teach him a valuable lesson.
No one in life is going to hand him anything for nothing unless you continue to do it. It's hard to stop behavior and be strong enough to stand up to a child that you have spoiled.
This is my advice:
Apologize for not teaching him respect and responsibility during his childhood. Then tell him that from now on you will require his respect and that the silver spoon just got tarnished and that you are no longer going to give him handouts. He will get only what he earns on his own and not from you. And then do the hard thing...stand up to him and stand your ground. Do what you tell him you will do.

Answer 2

It could be a number of things...hormones, drugs, alcohol, repressed anger, frustration, not knowing what he wants to do with his life...I don't know your situation. Insist on a respectful dialogue and if he won't comply, tell him not to contact you again unless he is willing to communicate on a respectful level. Most young people have not been taught proper communication techniques. It should be taught in each grade along the way and of course, parents, family and friends present examples as well. Just maintain your own dignity and don't lose your temper, try to remove yourself emotionally from the hurt. It's the only way.

Too many young people have suffered from a life of excess and luxury and have not learned to work for things or volunteer to needy people, animals or environment. They also have too much time on their hands and too many "toys" or electronics. The media plays a huge role (what goes in comes out).

I think kids do better when they have less stuff and more of a proper example and learn to work for things. People value what they have to work for or sacrifice. Think if you pay for an expensive class, you "invest" in that: time, money for the course, money for the text - you know you have to work hard to do the homework, the projects and pass the exams. That's life and that's what kids need to learn on every level. One can only have respect and self-esteem if they earn it and that means respect is earned.

If he's hard working and taking classes or has some kind of goals and is otherwise pulling his weight, then there is hope. If he's totally not progressing, then time for some therapeutic communication with someone who knows how to facilitate.

Answer 3

Maybe you should listen to him....It's easy to see..."my 19 year old son has been raised with a silver spoon "

Answer 4

You only learned from the best, now sleep on the street with the rest.

My 15 year old is the same way. I had to take all of his privileges away from him. He's down to only one credit card and that card only has a $300 limit. He's really ticked about that. Maybe your son needs to lose his privileges or even his home. Forcing him to earn his own way may help him to appreciate the life you've given him.

Answer 5

He's absolutely right. The monster you see before you is of your own creation. People who are too busy being their children's best buddy and granting their every wish rarely have the spine to do any parenting. Let me guess, when your little demon was growing up, you never said NO to anything, did you, because you were scared he would hate you. Am I right? Well, here's a flash for you, honey, you have not succeeded in buying your son's love and devotion, all you have taught him is that you are a doormat, and he will walk all over you until the day you die.

Answer 6

19 years old is a bit old to finally realize your son is talking to you in a disrespectful manner, however, you say to him, you know what, that may be true, the whole bit about learning from the best, however, the best is/are learning to adapt and better themselves, and from this point forward, disrespect will not be tolerated, so learn to go with the flow or there will be consequences.....then figure out what those will be and STICK to IT, it's never too late to impart a lesson.

Answer 7

Sounds like he has a mind of his own and with this in mind why not suggest he starts using it to find a place of his own, or if he's living at home maybe his silver spoon will start chipping in on rent.

Answer 8

Wow, just take that silver spoon off and put the wood back instead of...I mean be a real parents for awhile...
Tell him that till he lives under your roof he will follow your rules, otherwise go and get your own money in your own place.

Answer 9

All teens go through this to a certain extent but that doesn't mean you should just sit there and take it.

I would tell him not to talk to you unless he can be respectful. Then do not back down. Refuse to hold a conversation with a disrespectful person. Tell him you are trying to be an good example. (and don't be sarcastic when you say it).

Answer 10

Get him to find a job ON HIS OWN . Do not attempt to help him in whatever way. The real world will be ready for him , but he might not be ready for the real world .
What he needs is a shot in the arms , something to wake him up and make him realise that he should stop acting like a brat.