My abusive exhusband has a new girlfriend and she doesn't know what he was like.?

Question

I wouldn't wish what he did to me on my very worst enemy. Do I tell her? Do I keep my mouth shut?

Answer 1

He is probably treating his new girlfriend very well. Abusive men aren't abusive right away when they get involved with someone. He is probably acting like the perfect gentleman around her. You could tell her about him, but she will say he's never done anything to her, and you are just making things up because you are jealous, or mean. You can be sure he's already made up stories about how awful YOU were. She will find out sooner or later. But if you do see him hurting her. Call the cops.
Been in the same boat. I didn't tell the new girlfriend she found out for herself, and left him too.

Answer 2

My Dad's on his 4th marriage. My biological Mom disappeared when i 1.5 yrs old. Mom #2 who raised me just about went crazy when they divorced when i was 17 putting locks on all the doors because she was scared that my DAd was going to poison my sister and i to steal everything away from her. Mom #3 was singing praises about my Dad when she came into the marriage and 10 years later finally got over her very hard feelings over realizing that she'd just given 10 of her very best years to such a hateful person. His current wife is 2 years old than me.

My fiance and I do not tell her what to do with her life but we are clear about details of our relationship with my Dad. It's up to her to figure this out. She thinks she can save him and either she is a complete saint or deserves an oscar.

With your body language, convey to this new girlfriend that you are available and approachable. Be kind to her. That should be enough. Smile so that she can see the love in your eyes. It will be that look she'll remember when she's fearing for her life and needing to escape to safety as well as find someone she can talk to who understands.

If she brings it up, listen, listen, listen and only give her what you think she can handle. Confirm anything she says that is true but do not add to it. Assure her that you are there to talk to. My point is that all this has to go at her pace. She's not a little girl and neither is my dad's current wife...the decisions they make are ultimately their own...

Answer 3

You do have a moral obligation to tell her, so please do, But don't be too surprised if she gets mad at you. I have a pretty good feeling she knows but probably blames you for being a bad wife. I have a feeling she'll deny he's like that at all, and if he ever was, it was all your fault. You might just give her the Domestic Abuse 800# and say "I hope you never need this. I wish I hadn't" and leave it at that.

Answer 4

You have a moral obligation to let her know. Just tell her matter of factly, girlfriend to girlfriend. Tell her she doesn't have to believe you, and it might be hard to since you are the ex, but you couldn't sleep at night knowing the truth and not telling her. She can take it or leave it, but you'll know you did what was right in your heart.

Answer 5

Igrew up in the inviorment of seeing my mom beaten by my step dad unable to due a thing beacuse i was 2 small.I haaave not hit a woman their is no need for physical abuse.The mental abuse should be enouf,HAHA
I can feel your anguish and pain. YOUR #1 CONCERN is proteect your self make sure that tis poor excuss for a man can not harm you ever agin! YOU know as well as I due if he thought you said a peep or even looked at her in a telling way of what he did to you he would be beating the both of you fffor that is how it iss. I would find a person that your ex is friends with and has 1st hand knowlage of what he did to you warn her.beacuse that way he will be so freaked his secret is knowen by her he will eithe live her or one day kill her in blind rage. PROTECT YOUR SELF N YOUR KIDS IF YOUHAVE ANY ONCE YOU HELP YOUR SELF YOU CAN THEN HELP ANOTHER.
MAY THE SPIRIT OF THE LIGHT BE WITHIN YOU AND PROTECT YOU AMEN!!!!!!!!1

Answer 6

You tell her. Absolutely without question. She might be your worst enemy but she is still a person. If you didn't tell her then you would be partially at fault as well. If you had the ability to stop a person from murdering a child, would you stop it? It's the same principal. Also it is punishing him as well because it sends a message that his behavior will not be tolerated. Call the police if you have to.

Answer 7

If she is not a friend of yours personaly I don't think it is right to get involved in his reletionships. Unless he is mortaly dangerous. The girl could also freak out on you because some girls would think you where justing being a crazy ex-girlfriend even though you have the best intentions. And who knows he might have changed. People do.

Answer 8

Tough question to answer, as will he come back to get you if you tell her? Morally is it your obligation and she is a big girl making her own decisions. Get as far away from him as you are able.

I would actually question if a woman was on the up and up if she told me of this about a new boyfriend... and at the same time appreciate it to keep my guard up.

You certainly don't need his contact again. Are you in a safe shelter such as Potters House in OC, Calif?

She is a big girl making her own decisions and she will learn soon enough.

Answer 9

You might tell her, and quickly remind her that you aren't calling her to get him back, nor to be jealous, but in her shoes, you might wish to know a few things about him (that is if he really is just a super rat!!!!!!!). I think that is only kind, but many on here might tell you to just stay out of it, and let some relatively innocent lady get hurt. Dated a guy once who all of his friends and their wives knew he was just a two-timing rat, psychopath, and all the rest of it..... It would have been nice if one of them slipped me a piece of paper saying "if you want to know something about this guy, e-mail me". Maybe as his ex you wouldn't have much credibility, but then again, would have appreciated a heads up on that guy. Perhaps you can have a girlfriend of yours tell her or slip her a note --- that way, you really aren't in it, and the note could be anonymous

Answer 10

She may not believe you, but I would warn her. Im sure if there was any girl before you, you'd wish she would have told you what you were getting yourself into. Keeping your mouth shut could lead to who knows what. I would feel terrible if anything happened to her and I could have possibly prevented it. Follow your gut feeling..tell her asap. Even if she doesnt believe you, it will remain in her mind day after day