my father died of pancreatic cancer, how do i stop dwelling on the fact i might get it and just live my life?

Question

it scares me so much and i sometimes wondering if all the schooling i'm doing now will just be a waste, i wonder if i should even bother getting married and having kids, i would hate to leave my family so soon. my dad died when i was 13 and i would hate to do that to my kids, and the whole idea of dying young really depresses the hell out of me, i know i may or may not get it. i'm 22 now and i just want to be able to live my life not being scared that it might hit me someday. please don't say anything to scare me, i do that enough to myself!
thanks for your ideas.

Answer 1

i am really sorry about your father. my mother died of pancreatic cancer last month. she was 63 and i am 30. i took care of her 24-7 since she was diagnosed until the last breaths of her life. she lived for 6 months since she was diagnosed. she went through chemo and had complications though her tumor was shrinking. i knew what her chances were so i was preparing myself when she finally did pass. i know what you are going through scared that you might get cancer too. i have felt that pain especially because cancer is very common in my family. BUT...i can tell you this!~my mom was a fighter and even though she KNEW she was not going to last long, we enjoyed our last months together! we learned how to knit together, tried new recipes, went to places she never been to! spending those last months with her really taught me to f~nkg enjoy life! it doesn't matter how much money, education, blah, blah, blah you have, it's all about what makes you happy. so yes, i know what you are going through. i quit my job to take care of my mom and now that she is gone, i need to decide what to do. i was a high school teacher and are months away from completing my master's degree in education and i don't know if i even WANT to go back to teaching. but you know what? i don't care. as long as i am happy, who cares if i never use that education? i am going to do what i want and be surrounded by people who care about me. as far as marriage and kids, yes i want that. one thing that my mom had going for her, and the only thing that really matters as far as i am concerned, is she had a loving family around her to take care of her in her last months. if i ever get cancer and can't take care of myself, i want to be just as lucky to be surrounded by my own family! i don't know all the details about you and what makes you happy, but my suggestion is to try and do what your heart says! do all the things you wanted to do, or at least try! what keeps me going is i feel my mom around me, she is watching me and has faith in me to keep making her proud of me. i don't know what you believe as far as religion and all but i believe there is something more than this world and all i know is what i feel about my mom's presense still here is real. i hope you find your happiness, i really do, and again, i am sorry you lost your father...

Answer 2

We could spend our whole lives worrying about things that might never happen. My father died of colon cancer when he was 53, and most of his brothers and sisters (there were 10 brothers and sisters) died of some form of cancer in their 30's, 40's or 50's. My youngest sister was 12 at the time my father died. My mother was well into Alzheimer's disease by her early 60's and died at 72. My children's dad died when they were 7 and 9. Life goes on, and for their sake we have to make the best of things and have the best life possible.

Your dad would probably say to you, "Live your life. Enjoy each day. Take care of your health, but move forward and do all the things someone your age is supposed to do. Don't worry about things beyond your control."

None of us knows when we are going to die. I could step outside and be hit by a truck tomorrow. Most of us spend so much of our lives either regretting something about the past or worrying about the future that we forget to enjoy the present, which is really all we have - the present.

The other aspect of your question is that cancer research is making breakthroughs all the time. New treatments bring new hope to all cancer sufferers.

Take care, and live your life. None of us knows what the future holds.

Answer 3

Please don't worry. In my personal life my Dad died when I was 10 (I know how hard it is) I think about it often about what if something happens to me, what will my kids do, but then I thought you know I go to the Dr. Regularly so if something should come up they will be on the ball with it, and I can't stop living my life. My Grandmother died of Stomach Cancer when she was in her 40's she had 9 children that are all over 70 years old and none of them have stomach cancer. So don't worry, just take care of yourself and live your life to the fullest. You know Stress causes more health problems than anything else. so you need to worry about that more than inheriting anything. Good Luck.

Answer 4

although you have a good reason for your fear. why lose the chance of finding happiness or enjoying the gift of a child or living life to it's fullest by worrying about something that isn't even present. or that may never happen.
I used to worry alot about most anything. I was shakey and always stressing over things that may happen. then I went to this lady, who did a reading on me and she told me this,, and it has made a difference in my life.
Did you know that only 40 % of the things that we fear even happen? and that they never turn out as bad as we thought they would, or even true,that the things that we hope will happen turn out as good as we hoped they would?
fear nothing but fear itself.
fear is negative energy, and can draw neg. energy to you,
same as positive energy. think positive thoughts and positive things will happen.
what you think, becomes your reality.
stop thinking ill things about your health. and think of your health being stronger then what your dads was, and being able to beat the disease.
you also have half of your mothers gene's.
making it so only half of you is from your father,
so look at it this way,
You only have half the chance of getting what your father had.
then add the fact that you also have half the chance that it will never happen from your mothers side. so that is 100 % chance that you wont get it..
so live on,
enjoy what you have today,
for no one knows the time they will pass over.
it could be tomorrow,or not for the next 50 or so years.,
you can not change the past,but what you do today, can and will affect your future.

Answer 5

What would your father want you to do? I am pretty sure that your father would not want you to dwell on his death. Recently a friend of mine at school lost his father to a sudden heart attack and just six months before he lost his mother to cancer. Of course he feels terrible and lonely, but he continues on knowing that his parents were proud of him and that they would want him to have a family eventually because things like that are what make life worth living. Get married and have kids and tell them stories about their grandfather and about what a great man he was.

Answer 6

The Japanese have a great philosophy towards diseases. They say prevention is better then a cure so try to be happy, eat healthy and live the life that your father has given you and stay in school, you could be the person that finds the cure.........

Answer 7

my suggestion is that you see a doctor regularly to be screened for this so you can catch it early if you were ever to get it. i would also suggest talking to a psychiatrist to help you with your depression. and if you decide to get married, having a husband/wife will help you through your depression and will help you carry on with your life. i'm very sorry about your dad.