If your spouse is looking on websites for girls is that cheating?

Question

I went to my husband business today and he forgot to close out his email. I found that he had paid for a gold membership to adultfriend finder and had other memberships to those types of sites. Is that cheating? I am so embarrassed and confused and I wonder how long has this been going on and what else has he done. am i wrong

Answer 1

From what I understand those are adult hookup sites. If he's not cheating yet, he will soon be or is experimenting.

Confront him and if he won't cancel them and work on the marriage, kick him to the curb. You don't want diseases, right?

IDEA: You join secretly and make up a pic and profile that you know would attract him. Then try to contact him thru the service. Say you can meet him at a hotel with a bar somewhere. Have him bring some "toys," which will show definite intent. When he shows up with the goods, take his pic and tell him he's history. Then get a good lawyer. That way you know what he's truly about.

Today, it seems as if people want performing trick seals instead of real relationships. People come too cheaply these days and more women need to demand respect or let the man know he can take a hike.

Answer 2

Yes, I would consider that cheating. In my opinion, any lust or desire (that is acted on) for another woman or man is a form of infedelity. If he paid for a membership, then he is obviously in search of something else. It doesn't matter how long it has been going on, the most important thing is that it is put to a stop. I would definitely confront him about it. If he is not remorseful for his actions then I would seriously consider seperation. At that point I would seek counseling. If that fails, and he is still insistent on looking on the web or other places, then I would probably call it quits.

Answer 3

You're NOT wrong! Doesn't it feel like cheating? I had a similar situation with the whole email thing. It's difficult, because now you're the one who has to decide where to go from here and how to handle the situtaion. First, you need to be upfront and honest in a non-accusatory way. Tell him what you found or saw and that it bothers you. Then tell him why! Don't be afraid to ask him questions, because I know you have a lot right now. Hysterical wives/girlfriends really freak men out and make them very afraid to tell the truth. So, as hard as it may be, try to remain calm - you'll get more out of him that way. It may not be a clear cut definition of cheating, but it's one of those gray areas, thanks to the internet! Guys don't think it's cheating, because they equate cheating with physical contact. Men can also "compartmentalize" their lives, which many of us don't even realize. When they are at work, they are thinking about work. So if he's doing this at work (which my husband was also), then he's not thinking about how it's connected to his home life. (it's at work!) They can keep things separate (compartments), but we do not think that way. Women see it as cheating, because their men are possibly carrying on conversations/relationships with other women online. Conversations that they should be having with their significant others! (emotional affairs?) I understand your embarrassment, but rest assured that this is FAR more common than you might think. Even though this was not a physical thing, it has had the exact same impact on your trust in him. Ultimately, I would suggest that you seek counseling to understand why he's doing this - he may not even know! You will also need to find ways to build trust again. Our counselor suggested sharing an email address and getting rid of the old one he used by himself. It has worked out okay, as I can check on it regularly if I feel the need. It really stinks to have to do it, but it does help. There are also a lot of other things he can do to try to gain your trust back, but first he needs to know that his actions are unacceptable. My husband had no idea how upset and angry it would make me - boy, was he surprised! I'm really sorry that you are going through this. At first I thought I was the one making a big deal out of it - denial that MY husband could do something like that! Trust your instincts - if it doesn't feel right, then it's not. Be strong. All my best to you...

Answer 4

that would be cheating... whenever someone in a relationship starts looking elsewhere for fun, excitement or other forms of entertainment. If he is getting on those kind of sites you should look at what he hasnt been getting in the marriage and see if there is a reason for it. A lot of people do it for entertainment.. just a little spice in their lives... but most dont think about how much it could really hurt their real relationships. Talk to him about it and make up your mind from there.

Answer 5

Well, there's the possiblilty that he's just seeking sexy/skanky talk, interchange, without actual physical stuff. If I were you, I would approach him, tell him it was totally accidental that you saw that stuff because he left the email open, and ask him if there are things the two of you can work on/do together etc. so that you help him with his needs. My hubby says that because I am approachable and open minded, he is not afraid to approach me with stuff like this, and I feel a whole lot better knowing he's coming to me first and giving me the opportunity rather than going behind my back. I'm not saying that I DO anything/everything, but at least I am approachable and willing to hear him out etc.....

Answer 6

Adultry begins in the heart and is then carried out in the body. Any action that says that he is looking, says that he already has the desire to cheat. So yes it is cheating.
You need to confront him about it and then make him accountable. The two of you need to seek some counseling by a pastor, counselor, or marriage counselor. He needs counseling as well.
If he doesn't think that his behavior is wrong, then someone needs to spell it out to him in plain language. His behavior cannot be allowed to continue or it will surely be the downfall of your marriage.
Don't beg with him about it or bargain with him. Be straightforward and tell him that his behavior is unacceptable. Don't cry when you confront him or make deals with him. And before you start this whole process read the book "Love Must Be Tough" by James Dobson. It'll give you a great deal of help.

Answer 7

You are so not wrong.....It is called virtual adultery and is grounds for separation and divorce.

I am so sorry for what you saw at his office. Looking is the first step, gold membership is the second and his physically cheating is the 3rd. It doesn't stop at looking.

If there is a chance to get past it you need for him to take the bull by the horns and make him stop cheating on you virtually. I can guarantee that he is e-mailing them and talking to some on the phone too....

Good luck and take care

Answer 8

NO I would not call it cheating unless he hooked up personally with one of the ladies. If it bothers you you and him need to sit down and really talk about what is reall going on find out why he is doing this. Look at it like this he is with you 24/7 and he loves and lives with you all those girls online are just a screen name and have none of but except for a email with some words in it. But if it really bothers you then talk to him about it you will never know what it is unless you ask and talk about it.

Answer 9

You and he need to talk - immediately! Yes, this is a form of cheating: it's done on the sly, behind your back, and outside of your marriage. Don't be embarrassed; you've done nothing wrong; HE has. And there's no room for confusion here: what is happening is a direct threat to your marriage.

If you truly want your marriage to continue, he must act to reacquire your trust. Don't settle for anything less.

Answer 10

Yes it's cheating. Why does he need to sign up for this membership unless it's to hook up? The fact that he paid good money for this tells me he's looking for someone to meet. What a turd.