Are there any grammer mistake?

Question

This short story I written for English class.

Here the linked.
http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2305355/1/

I really do need some help.

I'm going to work on fixing my mistake.
http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2305355/1/

Answer 1

Don't take this the wrong way but I think you talk to your teacher about the issues with writing.

You are doing yourself NO favors by having people here line edit (OR in some of the cases above, completely rewrite) your essay. If you teacher doesn't know about the troubles you are having, you will not be able to correct them for the future.

You're not going to be able to ask Yahoo Answers for help writing memos and reports for work when you graduate and get a job.

Please talk to your teacher. Let him/her do his/her job.

Answer 2

I didn't read your short story, but you have a ton of mistakes in your title and question.

Ok. Took a look at your story. Wow. You have quite a few mistakes. Here are some examples...

1) possessives: try "parent's death"

2) tense: if it is in the past use either past perfect or past participle.

3-100) too many to list. Is this for real?

Answer 3

I read it, and there are alot of mistakes, especially in the first few paragraphs.

"Just believe there happiness" - Did you mean "their"?
"16 year old Sierra felt her world was cover by darkness." - "covered"

"Everyday she suffer pain of losing her parent and felt no happiness. Feeling her parent death was her fault. Leaving all the pain left inside her as she set on a bench."

This should read - "Everyday she suffered the pain of losing her parents and the unrelenting belief in her own cupability for their deaths."

There are alot of mistakes. I suggest you edit extensively. Not only that, revise the premise for your story. You're trying to write a sentimental novel of romantic healing or whatever, and it just comes off cliched and trite.

Answer 4

Yes, and punctuation too. It's grammar not grammer. And it seems you have difficulty making subjects and verbs agree as well. Many of your verbs as they are written now are in the wrong tense if you want to make sense.

1) 16 year old Sierra felt her world was cover by darkness
cover = covered
2) Everyday she suffer pain of losing her parent and felt no happiness.
suffer = suffered from the
3)Feeling her parent death was her fault.
parent death = parent's death
BUT the whole sentence is incomplete. It's a fragment.
4)Leaving all the pain left inside her as she set on a bench.
The above is not a complete sentence. It's a fragment.
5)Near by was a amusement park. Laughter and happiness was all around.
Near by = Nearby
a amusement = an amusement
was = were (your have two subjects so you need a plural verb)
6)While Sierra sat there, a guy in his twenty walk toward her. He was wearing a simple long sleeve gray shirt and black jeans. Strand of his brownish-red hair cover his amethyst eye “ May, I sit here?”
in his twenty = in his twenties
walk = walked
long sleeve = long sleeved
Strand = A strand
cover = covered
7) “ I don’t cared,” she replied, as he next down. Before he set down, he could had swell he heard her sniffle.
cared = care
as he next down = as he sat down
could had swell = could have sworn
8)“ Is something wrong?” He asked, as his amethyst eye shift toward her.
shift = shifted
Question: does he have just one eye??? What's up with just one eye doing all the work here??? (Suggest as his amethyst eyes met hers).
9)Sierra sat there in silent, not wanting to talk.
silent = silence
10)“ If you don’t tell someone, what wrong. How are they supposed to help.”
what = what's
11) “ Well, I want you to stop crying.” He said, handing her handkerchief from his pocket.
handkerchief = a handkerchief
12)When Sierra finish wiping away her tear. “ Now than. Why are you alone is this world?”
finish = finished
tear = tears
than = then
is this world = in this world
13)“ My parent died because of me. And I won’t ever see them again. Everything in my life has become darken.”
Question -- parent.. do you mean one parent or both parents. If you only mean one parent you should specify mom or dad. If you mean both parents then you should say parents plural.
them = again if it's dad = him if it's mom = her if it's both of them = them. But you need to clarify who died and how many.
darken = darkened? or dark? (either one could work)

14)“ You shouldn’t blame yourself. I’m should your parent are smiling right now. Knowing that you’ll still alive.”
should = sure
parent = (again parents? or mom? dad?)
you'll = you're

15)“ No, it is my fault. I’m to blame! They died because of me.” Sierra yelled, as tear ran down her eye.
tear = tears
Question is she just crying from one eye??? Don't people usually cry out of both? And wouldn't it make more sense for tears to be running down her face or cheeks? That is unless you want to say ran down from her eyes.

16)“ No, you’ll not. It not your fault…” He said, getting up and wrapping his arm around her.
you'll = you're
it not = it's
wrapping his arm = wrapping his arms OR putting his arm

17)“ Hey, let go.” Sierra said, trying to loosing from his tight grip
loosing = get loose

18)“ Yes, you can. Say it and I‘ve let‘s go.”
I've = I'll
let's = let

19) “ Okay! I’m not to blame for my parent death!” Feeling his grip release.
parent death = parent's death, parents' death (mom's death) (dad's death)

20)“ Come on.” Making her move her feet. “ What your name?”
What = What's

21)“ It Sierra.”

It = It's

22)“ Nice to meet you, Sierra. My name Damon. Could you wait here.”
name = name's

23)When Damon came back he had two ice cream. “ Here you go.” Handing her an ice cream.
ice cream = ice creams (do you mean bowls, cups, cones???)

24) “ Thank.” Sierra smile.
Thank = Thanks
smile = smiled

25) I figure ice cream would cheer you up.” Damon said, smiling as he held her hand again
I figure = I figured

26)Smiling as they continue walking.
continue = continued
This sentence is a fragment. It's incomplete.

I would suggest spending a lot of time at this site:

http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/

Answer 5

No. Composition ain't the comparable as speech. & i actually do unlike undesirable grammar (in spite of if I meant 2 style "ain't" & habitually use numerals in selection to words). 2 me, applicable grammar, including capitalization of the 1st be conscious, good spelling, & even knowledgeable use of commas & no longer ending a sentence in a preposition appeals 2 me because of the fact it indic8s the guy is mature & in line with danger varieties or writes on a known foundation. additionally, how the hell am i able to stumble on a accessory via examining? U ought to the two b from Toledo, Esp., or Toledo, OH, yet I won't understand via a typed sentence.

Answer 6

The mistakes closely resembe your original question where grammar is mispelled and the word is is missing and linked should be link. I found about 15 mistakes, too numerous to document here.

Answer 7

Yes, there are many grammar mistakes.
You sound as if English is not your first language. Find a friend who can help you fix the errors.
The content is very good.

Answer 8

Just believe [in] happiness

[Sixteen] year old Sierra felt her world was cover[ed] by darkness. Every day she suffer[ed] [the] pain of losing her parent[s] and felt no happiness. [She felt] her parent[s'] death was her fault. Leaving all the pain left inside her as she set on a bench. <
Nearby was an amusement park. Laughter and happiness was all around.

While Sierra sat there, a guy in his twent[ies] walk[ed] toward her. He was wearing a simple long sleeve[d] gray shirt and black jeans. Strand[s] of his brownish-red hair cover[ed] his amethyst eye[s]. “ May[] I sit here?”

“ I don’t [care],” she replied, as he [sat] down. Before he [sat] down, he could [have sworn] he heard her sniffle.

“ Is something wrong?” [he] asked, as his amethyst eye[s] shift[ed] toward her.

Sierra sat there in [silence], not wanting to talk.

“ If you don’t tell someone [what's] wrong[, how] are they supposed to help[?]”

“ I’m depressed[,]” Sierra mumbled. “ Because I’m all alone in this cold world.”

“ Well, I want you to stop crying[,]” [he] said, handing her [a] handkerchief from his pocket.

When Sierra finish[ed] wiping away her tear[s, he said,] “Now [then]. Why are you alone is this world?”

“ My parent[s] died because of me. And I won’t ever see them again. Everything in my life has become [dark].”

“ You shouldn’t blame yourself. I’m [sure] your parent[s] are smiling right now [knowing] that [you're] still alive.”

“ No, it is my fault. I’m to blame! They died because of me[,]” Sierra yelled[] as tear ran down her eye.

“ No, [you're] not. It [is] not your fault…” [he] said, getting up and wrapping his arm[s] around her.

“ Hey, let go[,]” Sierra said, trying to loosing from his tight grip.

“ Not until you tell me. Tell me. You aren’t to blame! Tell me and god you‘re not to blame.”

“ I can’t…”

“ Yes, you can. Say it and [I'll let] go.”

Sierra sighed in defeat. “ Okay! I’m not to blame for my parent[s'] death!” Feeling his grip release.

“ Doesn’t that feel better?”

“ Uh…yea.”

“ Good. Now, come on[,]” [he] said, as he held her hand.

“ Huh?” Sierra said, looking at him.

“ Come on.” [He made] her move her feet. “ What['s] your name?”

“ It['s] Sierra.”

“ Nice to meet you, Sierra. My name [is] Damon. Could you wait here[?]”

“ Sure.”

When Damon came back he had two ice cream[s]. “ Here you go.” [He handed] her an ice cream.

“ Thank[s].” Sierra smile[d].

“ I figure[d] ice cream would cheer you up[,]” Damon said, smiling as he held her hand again.

[They smiled] as they continue[d] walking.

Answer 9

honey. it's "grammatical errors."

"this short story i wrote for english class."

be mindful of your verb consistency. if you use past, use past all the way, unless there is a big need to change the tense. :)

Answer 10

I'll just type out the corrections.

16 year old Sierra felt her world was covered by darkness. Everyday she suffers pain of losing her parents and felt no happiness. Feeling her parents' death was her fault. Leaving all the pain left inside her, she sat on a bench.

Nearby was an amusement park. Laughter and happiness was all around her.

While Sierra sat there, a guy in his twenties walked toward her. He was wearing a simple long-sleeve gray shirt and black jeans. Strands of his brownish-red hair covered his amethyst eyes. “May, I sit here?”

“I don’t care,” she replied, as he sat down next to her. Before he sat down, he could have sworn he heard her sniffle.

“Is something wrong?” He asked, as his amethyst eyes shifted toward her.

Sierra sat there in silence, not wanting to talk.

“If you don’t tell someone, what's wrong, how are they supposed to help?”

“ I’m depressed.” Sierra mumbled. "Because I’m all alone in this cold world.”

“Well, I want you to stop crying.” He said, handing her handkerchief from his pocket.

When Sierra finish wiping away her tear, he said, “Now then. Why are you alone is this world?”

“My parents died because of me. And I won’t ever see them again. Everything in my life has become dark.”

“You shouldn’t blame yourself. I’m sure your parents are smiling right now, knowing that you’re still alive.”

“No, it is my fault. I’m to blame! They died because of me!” Sierra yelled, as tears ran down her eyes.

“No, you're not. It's not your fault…” He said, getting up and wrapping his arm around her.

“Hey, let go.” Sierra said, trying to loosen from his tight grip.

“Not until you tell me. Tell me. You aren’t to blame! Tell me and God you‘re not to blame.”

“I can’t…”

“Yes, you can. Say it and I‘ll let go.”

Sierra sighed in defeat. “ Okay! I’m not to blame for my parents' death!” She felt his grip release.

“Doesn’t that feel better?”

“Uh…yea.”

“Good. Now, come on.” He said as he held her hand.

“ Huh?” Sierra said, looking at him.

“ Come on.” Making her move her feet. “ What's your name?”

“It's Sierra.”

“Nice to meet you, Sierra. My name's Damon. Could you wait here?”

“Sure.”

When Damon came back he had two ice cream cones. “Here you go,” handing her an ice cream cone.

“Thanks.” Sierra smiled.

“I figured ice cream would cheer you up.” Damon said, smiling as he held her hand again.

They smiled as they continued walking.