How do you recover from watching your grandchildren be born and die all in less than an hour?

Question

On 12/23/06 I was in the hospital room with my daughter(we had been there for almost a week). She was 21 weeks pregnant with my identical twin grandsons(Aiden and Shawn).....my first grandchildren.
At my daughters request, and because I would've been no where else at the time, I witnessed my grandsons come in to the world, first Aiden, and then Shawn(feet first). I watched the boys be placed on my daughters chest, and live for about 30 minutes.
My daughter is the person I am closest to in the whole world. To watch the tears, and anguish on my "first time mother" daughters face just haunts me.
I had lain awake the whole night before watching the contraction monitor rise and fall.........praying almost every second to God to please let my gransons live....but it didn't work.
Has anyone else ever been through this?

Answer 1

My prayers are with you. on Nov 16, 1990, I did have a similar experience, my daughter, A gave birth to triplets. They were identical, one fertilized egg broke into three beautiful boys. Shaun Kevin had his cord wrapped around Joseph's neck and had strangled him, Joseph was born dead. Shawn was born alive but only lived a few minutes. Doulgas was born whole and perfect, but only lived an hour. They were born much to soon. It was very hard to go through this, but we just have to have the faith to not question our Lord, but, accept. He has a reason, That could very well be, beyond our understanding. In our experience, the Dr took ultrasounds each week, they made a continueing video tape for us. We could see the babies just as they looked, they were like 3 babies rolling around in a basket. one would kick the other and the other would cry, we could see them suck their thumb and at one point, one looked straight at the camera and the picture we saw was exactly as they looked, when they were born. This tape has been bitter-sweet, it has hurt us for years to watch it but about the last 4 years we've been able to watch it without crying. We do thank God for the tape. One of the most difficult things for me to handle was this daughter's 4yr old son, G he could not be soothed we told him that God needed them, he insisted that they needed their mother more. It took alot of time and therapy to help him. You will most likely take a very long time to heal but, with each day it gets better, a little easier. you will never forget them . Be sure that you talk about them and reminisce from time to time about them.
Make sure all understand clearly it was NO ONE'S fault. (one of the most important things the Chaplian at St. Luke's Hospital in Houstin, Texas , told my other daughter , R, and I , was to watch for signs of problems in A and her husband's marriage, as a huge percent of marriges can not survive the loss of a child, let alone 3.) A does have another wonderful son a singlet. Scott (14) almost identical in looks to the triplets. We love him a great deal and thank God for him. But, never, never let anyone tell you that any other child can replace the ones you lost. My daughter and husband, did have problems, but with counseling, God, family love and understanding they did manage to stay together happily after time.Sorry this is so long but there is much hope. It hurts a lot now , during this time of almost thinking you can't go on......trust God, talk about them, cry together and heal. My love and prayer's are with you and your family.

Answer 2

I don't think you ever recover. I think it is something you learn to live with, something you keep in your heart. Every day is a little easier. I do suggest finding a support group, many people feel that other people can't help, but they can. To know you are not alone does help. Friends and family, can say they are so sorry and that they understand, but in truth they don't understand, some one who has had the same thing happen can understand and can help you get through the tough days.

There is a reason God wanted them and you may never really understand why, but remember you have two little angels watching you from heaven.

Here is the link to a place called compassionate friend It has support groups for people who lost a child. They might be able to help or even tell you a group for your and your daughters situition.

For chapter referral information, call the TCF National Office toll-free at 877-969-0010 or write [e-mail]

For detailed chapter locator information and a free comprehensive bereavement packet,
contact National Office or call 877-969-0010.

http://www.compassionatefriends.org/

Answer 3

I am so terribly sorry for your loss. What a tragedy to have to suffer through.


I became a first time mother of twin girls in '96, Brianna and Skyler. When they were 2 1/2 months old, they contracted meningitis, and Brianna didn't make it. There is nothing that can heal the pain. You need to be there for each other, as you are the only people who fully understand the way you feel right now. Time will help. I can look back now and smile at the memory of her beautiful little face time to time these days. Granted, i still look back and cry from time to time as well. I would really suggest some group therapy sessions, they helped me and my husband tremendously. You will get through this with love, patience, and time. I wish you well, and i pray for your family.

Answer 4

I take care of women who have to go through these horrible experiences in the maternity hospital I work at. I cry every time seeing those beautiful babies born to early, and looking into the eyes of the mothers, fathers, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc who just lost such a precious gift in minutes. Who can get over something like that, I can't! We have a great support system were I work, for staff and the families. Sadly, it does happen much to often and there is no way of explaining why such a thing happens. Keep your faith high, and stay strong for your daughter. Maybe you can help someone else who has gone through a experience such as this. God Bless you and your family.

Answer 5

I am very sorry to hear this. But the reality of it is that there was something seriously wrong. First of all they came a bit early which is a God send because you could have lost them and also your Daughter.
Life is weird sometimes but these things happen for reasons. The best thing for you to do is to be strong for your daughter she is going to need that most of all. There was no real suffering on the babies part but there will have to be a lot of healing on all of your parts so take it and remember it but don't dwell on it. Focus on the future which I am sure will be brighter. May God be with you during these hard times. I will pray for your family.

Answer 6

I have not been through the same thing, but I have suffered loss. You will recover. You won't forget, but you will someday, be able to look back and not feel the pain you feel now.

Try to understand that sometimes, God gives things to us that are too good for this world. I'm sure He saw Aiden and Shawn, and decided to bring them home. There are so many things we can't explain with earthly logic. Maybe in order for us to get to heaven, we have to go through life and death, and God gave them both very quickly, so He could bring them home sooner.

I'm so sorry about what happened to your daughter and your family, but just believe that even for the short time they were here, Shawn and Aiden were loved very much. More than some people are loved in a lifetime.

Answer 7

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Answer 8

I'm so sorry.

(((((HUGS)))))

Give it time, love, hugs, and prayers is the best advice I can give you.

I am sure the fact that you were by her side was a great comfort to your daughter as she lived through the greatest joy and greatest sorrow of her life all in the same hour.

It might help both of you to talk to a therapist, to her doctor or to a pastor about what happened. I'm sure you want to cry, scream, and rage on because this kind of loss is just so hard to understand and come to terms with.

I wish you and your daughter peace in your hearts and in the knowledge that her little sons are in the loving arms of Jesus where they will never know hurt, sorrow or pain.

Answer 9

My deepest sympathies to you and your daughter and the rest of the family.

There are no words that will heal this . I was a preemie born at 27 weeks, 2lbs 14 oz and it was touchy for me fifty some years ago, yet I still understand your anguish at losing the twins.

They knew they were loved and maybe that's the best thing you can remember about this tragic event.

My heart goes out to you and yours.

Answer 10

I have never been through what you have been through but I know what it's like to lose a child, having lost my fifteen year old son in 1988, after he was struck by a train while snowmobiling. To lose a child/children is horrific. My heartfelt sympathies go out to your daughter, you, & your family. Sometimes, it's so hard to understand why these things happen. They say not to question God but it's hard not to. May the love of family & friends, help you all through this most difficult time.