Divorce,tell me about it?Are the children better out of a bad marriage,than in it.I love them so much.?

Answer 1

my parents argued all the time,my father had a few affairs,when i was 5yrs old,they split up,and got divorced,and as an adult now,i think she did the best thing,i was so relieved when i could go to bed,school etc,without the worry on my mind.if anything,i love my mum more,because she did it for us 3 children,got her indepedence,dignity,confidence etc back,and it showed,it gave me and my brother and sister a happier childhood,my mum played the role of both parents,and a brilliant job she did of it,thats what really gets on my nerves,when people moan about single parents,they dont choose to be on their own(well a majority dont).in some cases you've got no choice. i grew up in a happy,loving home with one parent,if my mum had stayed with my dad,it wouldnt have been a happy and stable home.if its for the sake of your children,dont stay together,give your children the love and happiness they deserve.good luck!

Answer 2

If the marriage is a total disaster and you fight all the time and you can't possibly fix the marriage then maybe you'd be best off calling it quits.

But hey, divorce is hell. And it's real hell for the kids. Kids get sucked in and used in divorce. They get hurt.

So if you can fix this, that would be the best thing for your kids. That would be my first choice. You really, really don't want a divorce if you can possibly avoid it. Have you done all you can to try to repair the marriage? Are there drugs or alcohol involved? Is there cheating involved? Is there domestic violence? If none of those things are there, you really should try hard to work it out.

Just think about all the messy stuff like the inconsistent standards and a different set of rules at the two homes that will be created and the fact that you will not likely be able to be united on the raising of the kids because if you could, you would have worked out your marital issues.

You've got a lot to think about. There are no easy answers. No matter what you do, it will hurt and it will be hard. Get counseling and talk to your friends, preferably married friends who have been together a long, long time. Talk to married friends who have come back from the depths of a dead marriage. They're out there.

In the end, only you can make this decision. Those who divorced and tell you how great it is have either ended up in a better situation or have diluded themselves into thinking it's better. Often people split only to figure out that they shouldn't have.

Stick it out if you can. If there's domestic violence, get out immediately.

Good luck to you. I hope you will make the best decision for yourself and your children.

Answer 3

Dear Forty and Fabulous, I am sure you love your children very much. It really depends. Can you work out your problem with your husband? If not, then it will seem that divorce may be the inevitable outlet. This is something out of your control. Marriage is an equal union and you need two to make it work. Do not blame yourself if you have considered "out" from marriage. The next step is to decide what's the best arrangement for your children post-divorce. If your kids are below 18, then, there could be issues of custody. To prevent your kids being embroiled in this ugly picture that is the custody application, arrive at an arrangement with the father to the kids (your husband). If you are determined and keep on telling the kids that this is not about them and their fault, they will understand. Truth hurts sometimes... We can't prevent that, but we have the power to make things better after the divorce.

Answer 4

I think divorce affects all kids in some way or other but while they are living with two people who can't get along and argue all the time then they are better off out of it and feel less stressed and able to spend better quality time with each parent separately.

However, I look back on my marriage and wish I could have had a happy marriage for my kids sake though they are 24, 20 and 19 now. When my daughter of 24 comes back from her travels she feels she doesnt have a real home any longer as neither her Dad's house or mine feels like home to her. So it's not just when the kids are small that it is a problem but all through their lives. I still have their weddings to face and when they have kids both you and your ex will be grandparents but not together. I think it is really sad for kids but I chose to get divorced and am very happily remarried but still think about the ideal situation which sadly wasnt meant to be.

These days it is so common for kids to have divored parents that people think it is the norm but I still think it;s better to have two parents living together. Good Luck.

Answer 5

If your marriage is sooooooo bad and you feel that by staying your going to bring them up in misery....and that you have tried everything to make it a better place to live and nothing has worked then yes its better to move on and find a better happiness for you and your children...I believe that children need to be shown what true love and respect is....because it is possible....and I'm not saying that perfect family where nothing goes wrong, I'm talking about a healthy family that can work through there problems and come out the other end.
Its better to do that than stay and teach them that you put up and shut up as it were....that's not living ....that's existing.!
I really hope that you work this out,
if your not happy then go, don't stay for the children as that never works.
Take care and good luck!xx

Answer 6

No one is better off in a bad marriage than out of it especialy the children.. Children are no reason to stay in a marriage in the first place and in a bad one its even worse.. If things are unfixable between you and your spouse then for the sake of the children and yourself get out of it. People think that leaving deprives the children of their father.. thats bullshit.. he can be a father to them whether he is living with you or not..
So my advice to you would be.. the children will be better of OUT of a bad marriage situation then in it.. and i do speak from experienc.. I stayed in a bad, stressful marriage for 20 years because I thought i was doing what was best for the children.. I was wrong.. They grew up in a household that was always filled with tension, hostility, arguing, yelling, contempt for the other spouses, verbal abuse towards each spouse and sometimes unintentionaly directed at the children, and just a generaly unhappy home most of the time.. so NO its not better for the children to be there yet..

Answer 7

Better OUT of a bad marriage. I had 4 children. The first 2 suffered longer in the marriage, and had more probs than the 2nd two.

Answer 8

Yes they are better of out of your marrige, because they sense that their parents are really not loving each other and that makes them unhappy. I think it is worst mistake that you make to stay in loveless marriage only because of the children. When your unhappy their aren't happy, because of tense feeling in the home, I just think it better to get a divorce, then to try stay with someone that your so unhappy with they know what is going on. You have one live to live and you need to live it the way you want not the way someone else wants you to. Children grow up leave the home by then your to old to find someone that you could love. like you can now. Get a divorce and you'll find children are smarter than you think they are, they adjust real easy to new environment. Best of Luck.

Answer 9

I walked out of my marriage with an 19 month old daughter. It was bad for a while then we compromised and got things straightened out so he could see her and my life is so much better. I heard this debate on the radio the other day and it was 80% of callers in (both children and parents) who said definitely better apart.
Saying that it really does depend on how bad the relationship has got. Please try everything first, counselling etc and best of luck!

Answer 10

From experience, I would say it is better off to separate than stay with your partner "For the sake of the kids". My parents tried that for a few years and it was just miserable and even though they didn't mean to, they were frustrated and angry a lot of the time which affected the way they treated us. I can say from being the child from a family like that, it doesn't make being at home a pleasant experience. To be honest, I was relieved when they separated, if parents aren't happy, hard for the kids to be. Don't get me wrong, missed having both parents around instead of one, that will always be the case but being together wasn't healthy.

Answer 11

The children are always better off out of a bad marriage. Children are always a lot happier with one happy, stable parent than two miserable parents who cannot get along.