The past 3yrs have been hell-he cheated , I found out about numerous infidelities but he settled in on 1 female in particular. We're supposed to be working on our marriage now by going to counseling . I know he still wants his mistress and he's still trying to hide things from me...to no avail. Why doesn't he stop straddling the fence and make a decision - ENOUGH already....Marriage or mistress?? Your thoughts, please...
2007-01-16 11:17:13 · 15 answers · asked by Enough 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The power is in your hands. Don't be on the losing end. If he insists on keeping his mistress then make a firm stand. Are you willing to keep the marriage alongside his having a mistress?
Some people have learned to live with this kind of arrangement just to protect their children. However, it also depends on the age of your children. If they are already adults, I personally don't feel strongly about keeping the marriage. You also deserve to have a good life.
Yes, enough is enough.
Since you are going to a counseling, I think this is an indication that your husband is still willing to make his own sacrifices by letting go of his mistress. Just give it time. If it persists then draw a line.
We live in an age where different sorts of arrangements are possible and certain stigmas attached to different situations are becoming less and less. Don't look at the pressures outside but think of your own happiness.
2007-01-16 11:24:08 · answer #1 · answered by nomamalin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look, if he still wants the mistress, that's your que that things are over. You need to get out of this. There's nothing here for you but heartache.
And if this crap has gone on for 3 years, you need to get some help. It seems you've got some problems setting boundaries. Unless you want to do the instant replay, you've got to get some help for yourself. You need counseling. Start there and have a good counselor walk you through the whole divorce process. You need a good attorney too.
You're finished. This is the end of the road. If you stay, you have no self-respect. It's either that or separate for a while and see if he comes to his senses. But I just can't see this ever working out. Your call though.
Good luck with this.
2007-01-16 12:01:38 · answer #2 · answered by DearAbby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When I knew my husband had lied to me from the start, I got so upset all the neighbors knew what had happened. And it's not like we had a boring marriage!! (I was 22 and he was 26 when we married, after three months' dating... I know!) The thing is, men may have the most gorgeous woman for a wife, but they'll always be looking over your shoulder... I think it's useless. All I asked myself was "is he worth it?" And no, he wasn't worth a single tear... lucky we were only married for 1 year and 1 month, and now I'm 25 and still young and willing to move on, so don't let yourself get caught in suffering. He's not worth it, lady
2007-01-16 12:07:11 · answer #3 · answered by Mac 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you waiting for him to decide?Its like your a kid saying pick me ! pick me! You have to reach deep inside of yourself and get the guts to say Im better than that way better.It sounds like you have already given him chances enough.I think you need to decide to leave and do it.You dont have to get another man if you dont want to but you do have to show this loser that you can live without a man. You will feel so much better if you stop someone from walking all over you .Its your life but I just see no way to deal with a man who cannot be trusted.He has ripped your heart out Im sure. He wont make a decision because he gets away with itSo what if he chooses another woman then she can deal with his cheating too.Im sorry really but there is life after such heartache.There are lots of fish but sometimes you just need to heal first. You need to stop straddling the fence about what your willing to accept.
2007-01-16 11:40:21 · answer #4 · answered by butterflyspy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why are u allowing him to make this choice u are the victim here? for 3 years he cheated, without consequences, it seems as if it may never end, u may wait a lifetime for him to decide, but for now he has the best of both worlds. why would u settle for a man who cheated on u? how could u even consider sleeping with him again? you have given him enough time, if he doesn't decide then u need to decide, why keep a man who has cheated so long? time to end it, and move on where there isn't so much competition.
2007-01-16 11:25:48 · answer #5 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My thought would be why should he be the one to make the decision? The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Without a LOT of work and a great deal of effort, it is very difficult for a guy to become a non-cheater. But you have the opportunity to make a decision to not let his behavior govern your relationship. BTW, how do you know he's not keeping something hidden?
2007-01-16 11:23:12 · answer #6 · answered by DelK 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It looks like he's made his choice already. A man that wants his marriage wouldn't still be dealing with another woman. You need to make the choice to leave him alone. He's made his intentions clear, he isn't interested in making the marriage work. He's done.
2007-01-16 11:26:53 · answer #7 · answered by godiva 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
all guys cheat he'll never change trust me on that even when he's too old to walk he'll still cheat. there r lots of home wreckers out there who'll stop at nothing till they wreck a marriage so i'd say hang in there if u've got kids too young to understand if not get out .
2007-01-16 11:24:07 · answer #8 · answered by lilac. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make the decision for him! You have been through enough already, why give him the opportunity to do it all over again?
2007-01-16 11:29:44 · answer #9 · answered by Lemme tell ya... 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you already realize that he is not going to stop. Please gather what is left of your dignity, pack your bags, and move on toward a future with a man who loves and respects you.
2007-01-16 11:39:45 · answer #10 · answered by Jennifer D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋