How do you recover from a miscarriage?

Question

I went to my midwife for my first prenatal appointment 1/3 and found out that my baby did not have a heartbeat. I was told that the baby stopped developing around 7 weeks. My midwife suggested that I wait to see if I naturally miscarried, but I didn't, and took misoprostol 1/14 to cause the miscarriage. Although physically I feel ok I am really depressed. I don't want to leave the house, I have disengaged from my family, friends and work. I am going to try to go in to work tomorrow, but I am dreading it. I am a teacher and need to present myself as a strong adult, but that's hard to do when all I feel like doing is crying. I feel like because so many women go through this and since I was only 7 weeks when the baby died I shouldn't be as deeply affected by this? I have a beautiful healthy 2 year old daughter and need to be strong for her. I have not had multiple miscarriages or anything, but I am scared to death that this will happen again. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Answer 1

I am so sorry for your loss.
This happenend to me but at 4 and a half months.
It takes time to heal. See your Dr about the depression.
For me I named my baby, then wrote her a letter telling her how much I loved her and what I had planned for her.
A few months later I fell pregnant again and was so scared. So I didnt tell anyone until after the fourth month. So the fairies didnt steal the baby (an old old superstition)
On the day my baby was meant to be born I completely lost it. I spent the day crying on the floor, I couldnt help it.
So prepare for that day as you dont know how you will react.(I thought I was fine until that day)
It is such a horrible thing to happen, no matter how far along you were. ( I also miscarried on my third pregnancy at 4 weeks).
Take comfort from your husband or BF. Mine was just as devastated as me, maybe even worse. And feel blessed for the daughter you have.

I couldnt figure out why these things happen, everyone tells you all sorts of crap that just makes you feel worse.

So I decided that the babies are to good for this earth so God takes them straight to heaven to be angels.
I also beleive that the spirits of my two babies that didnt make it are guardian angels for the two girls that I have.
Again I am so sorry for your loss, it is Ok to grieve for that baby, you need to, to move on. We all move on from these things differently, so do whatever makes you feel better.

Good Luck and I hope things get easier for you.

Answer 2

I had four miscarriages in the late '60s and at that time people were not as savvy about how we feel when we loose a child that has not been born. I could not have children so adopted two babies. Turned out that my daughter also had four miscarriages (weird since she is adopted that we should go through the same thing). Maybe I had them so I could be compassionate with her when her time came to be unable to carry a baby. Maybe she and her husband experienced this so they would help other children by becoming foster parents and have adopted a baby boy. I think that we fall in love with the idea of our baby long before it begins to move and make itself known so I do understand how deeply you are affected. I don't think you totally get over having a miscarriage, but you need to try to get back into life. As you said, your daughter needs you and I am sure your husband and family miss you. If you cannot do this by yourself, join a support group of women who have experienced this loss also. The important thing is that you probably won't miscarry again. My daughter and I never carried a baby full term so there was just something wrong with our "ovens" I suppose. I have also read that most women experience a miscarriage at some point and some didn't even know they were pregnant. As long as your doctor gives you a clean bill of health, wait for about three months and then try again. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 3

Just because you were only 7 weeks along doesn't mean you should feel any less affected by it. It's understandable, you had a human being growing inside of you and that baby died. I'd be worried if you didn't feel anything over it. Look at this as you'd look at the death of anyone you loved. You will grieve and need time to get past it. Perhaps you should take some personal time off from work? I'd say that's an acceptable reason to take that time off. Maybe you should go to grief counseling. Try not to stay disengaged from your loved ones, you need them right now. Even if you only have one who you can talk to, you need the support. I am so sorry that you are going through this.
Here's an idea to help you always keep your little lost one in your heart, my aunt lost a baby at 5 months. She named her, had a memorial service, and now wears and tiny little ring with what would have been the baby's birthstone on a chain around her neck. It's been around 15 years, but she still wears that tiny ring in honor of her the daughter she lost.

Answer 4

It gets better. I lost 3 in a row after having 2 healthy. The first at 8 weeks and the 2nd were twins. I lost the 1st at 6 weeks, the dr had hope for the 2nd, but 8 days later we lost that one too. I was so very sad for the longest time.3 months later we were preg again and now have a healthy 21 yr old, 10 yr old, 8 yr old and 3 yr old.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe your child didnt develop properly. Be thankful your healthy and you have a healthy daughter. Your mommy days arent over. The Lord doesn't give you more than you can handle. Be strong.Know that your baby is waiting for you in Heaven. Write a letter for it. It helped me.

Answer 5

I have been through this twice so I know how you feel. I am so sorry for your loss. It will take you awhile to heal and this is normal. I don't think that you ever really get over it completely. You will try to blame yourself for something that you think that you did but DON'T-if was not your fault.Going back to work is a good idea try to keep busy and when the doctor says it is ok try again go for it- I bet you will have a healthy baby the next time. Good luck!

Answer 6

It's very normal, you have just went through the death of your child, try some group sessions with other Mom's who have had the same thing happen, it will really help. Miscarriage isn't any different then having a baby pass after birth, a loss is a loss. I'm so sorry for your loss, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Answer 7

I miscarried at 7 weeks on the 2/1 and i to have been deeply upsett.It does not matter how long you where, your body changed as your baby grew. I went back monday, and its been tough. No one at my work talks to me cause they dont no what to say. I feel as you feel. And will certainly have a chat with you if you want to send me an email. The only person i have managed to talk to is a friend who has been their to. She was the only one i thought could understand me.

Good luck, and sorry i could not help more.

Answer 8

Yes...take one day at a time. In time you will have accepted it and in time it will be easier to deal with. But usually a miscarriage is the body purging, some theorize it's because the baby had a problem. I don't know how true that is. Each pregnancy is different. But I recommend spending your time with the 2 yr old. she needs you... and if you get pregnant again at any time...see a doctor early on.....

If you still have emotional issues about it in time...seek some help. It's out there.

Answer 9

I went through the same situation, my youngest was 2 and I miscarried at 3 months. I had to have a D&C and I felt extremely awful about the whole thing. I think that time heals as well as the love of your family. Give that little girl big hugs =) All I know is that God planned everything and for that I give thanks that it didn't have to be me to make any decisions, ya know? Prayers for a better 2007 =)

Answer 10

Honey the minute you find out you are pregnant you get attached my daughter miscarried her 1 st 1 week after finding out she was pregnant it was very difficult for her she hated to see a pregnant woman 2 months later she called me to tell me she was late for her period I asked her if she was pregnant she told me she just didn't feel like I had one of her extra test at the house so I took it to her and she was she is now 30 weeks but is still frightened.