I met her at work 3 1/2 months ago. I didn't want a committed relationship, but she caught me completely off guard. She is 19, single mom, independent, strong and motivated. After 3 months of spending a lot of time together outside work, we found ourselves unexpectantly saying "I love you". Even talking about marriage on a serious level. I was about to leave for Texas this past x-mas for college, but stayed and asked her to marry me. She was caught off guard but still very happy, she said she had to think about it. Over the next 2 weeks, I messed up, became suddenly insecure, questioning "us" too often, and one night said I would simply leave if she said "no" and just wanted to date instead of saying yes to a long engagement. Days later, I knew she was going to say "no" and begged for just one chance without the question to just date. She said she doesn't want a man in her life now, but, I sensed something still there. How do I show her I still want and love her but give her her space?
2007-01-16 11:00:44 · 7 answers · asked by K. 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She's 19 man. She's so young... She doesn't know what she wants yet. Just stay in town and date her. If there's something there, it will develop.
Sounds like you tried to squeze the golden eggs out of the goose. just hang back and take it easy. You really don't want to rush things with a 19 year old, trust me. She's already screwed up once -- she's got the kid to prove it. 19 is young for that much activity.
Just back away for a week or so and then ask her on a date. If she says no then wait another week or two and try again. If she still says no then there are plenty of other women out there. When you work too hard for a girl who is hard to get it can carry into the long-term relationship and that's not good.
Let's add to this the fact that she's already got a kid. She's feakin' out man. You're talking marriage inside of a few months. Take some time and figure out what kind of relationship develops between you and the kid. You're young and you think you've got all this figured out but in reality it will take a year or two to properly sort all this out. She's scared and I don't blame her. And then you essentially tried to manipulate her into answering the way *you* wanted her to. You've got to work on that controlling side of yourself. That will wreck a good thing if you don't get it in check.
Kick back and take it easy. You have nothing but time.
2007-01-16 11:26:15 · answer #1 · answered by DearAbby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that's complicated. You didn't want a committed relationship, but you asked her to marry you. Both of you said "I love you" and talked about marriage on a serious level. I'd be wondering why she had to think about it when you asked her to marry you. If she had reservations, something wasn't right for her. It's understandable that you felt insecure. You put yourself on the line and she didn't come through for you. I don't think I'd want to spend the rest of my life with someone who would lead you to believe you may get married and then turn herself off like a light switch. How does one go from spending a lot of time together and saying "I love you" to not wanting a man in her life right now so quickly. I think you would fare well to give her the space of the rest of your lives and forget her. There's lots of better choices out there for you.
2007-01-16 11:24:10 · answer #2 · answered by Oh Wise One 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say you definately have insecurity issues, which is probably why you asked her to marry you after such a short time instead of heading to college as you should have. Women and men alike are attracted to self-confident people, and we get nervous when someone becomes clingy or needy. You need to work on you and give her some space. A good book to read is Dr. Laura's "10 Stupid Things Men Do To Mess Up Their Lives." I hope things work out for you.
2007-01-16 11:19:52 · answer #3 · answered by prodius54 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Rock of Love - Jes Rock of Love two - Ambre Rock of Love Bus - Mindy Flavor of Love - Red Oyster Flavor of Love two - Buckeey For the Love of Ray J - Cocktail Those are the suggests I've watched.
2016-09-07 22:29:27 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude...I'm with DearAbby on this one. You guys are at the thresholds of your lives. Marriage is way too early for either of you. Go to school and date her by all means. The relationship probably hasn't matured enough to go the distance. If it's meant to be, it will happen.
2007-01-16 13:23:25 · answer #5 · answered by Thorium 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go back to school. Write to her. Call occasionally--visit if the opportunity presents itself. If you're meant to be together, things will fall into place......and you'll have a degree and be able to support your family.
2007-01-16 11:23:48 · answer #6 · answered by Cherie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is very sad but she took you at your word. Respect that she needs space. Learn from your experience.
2007-01-16 11:04:07 · answer #7 · answered by katydid 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋