I try to treat others as i expect to be treated, and always try to be nice and go out of my way to help people, but for some reason i always seemed to get used for it and taken advantage of.I think i am a nice person and am targeted by certain types of people because of this. This is starting to make me not want to do anything for anyone. Whats you opinion on this ?
2007-01-16 10:16:17 · 30 answers · asked by Westley K 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
people take advantage of nice people because nice people are usually easier to control. in other words nice people are usually selfless people which means they put others before themselves. this is both a good and bad quality. being nice is the way that i believe everyone should be but unfortunately that is not the case.
people tend to see nice people especially in todays society as a welcome mat and just walk all over them. i have experienced this in every job i have had as well as in personal life. i am the one stuck doing all of the work while everyone else just sits around and takes credit for it.
what i had to do is figure out a way to keep myself from being taken advantage of. the best way i have found to deal with this is to set boundaries. try to do only what you have to do. it's hard at first but eventually most people will start to realize that they can't use you anymore and will have to take care of things themselves.
for the rest of the people that don't realize your boundaries and just automatically assume that you take care of things for them. aka (the lazy ones) then to them i say tuff luck. there is an old saying that goes "if you carve yourself to suit everybody you will soon widdle yourself away" that is what i live by. continue to be nice but not in such a way that you leave yourself prone for others to treat you like trash. hope this helps and good luck in the future.
2007-01-16 12:47:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 18⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion you are onto something with the whole not doing it anymore.
You just have to accept that you are a nice person anyway and don't need to go around pleasing other people to prove the obvious to yourself or anyone.
If it is to get them to do something nice in return then that is different, here be a firm accountant, (with fairly high concessions to family).
As to people taking advantage, sloth is at the top of my list but there can be other reasons.
2007-01-16 10:24:01 · answer #2 · answered by mince42 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Look at EVERY animal kingdom and you will see that there is a prey and there is a predator. There is nothing wrong with being nice, I wish more people in the world were nice but unfortunately we have to be on guard for the predators that are ‘preying’ on nice people. One thing, genuinely nice people have an internal alarm system. You can ‘sense’ when something ‘just ain’t right’ but a lot of us DON’T listen to our gut instinct. Stay nice and sweet but be aware and leery. You will know who are liked minded people and who are the predators. And if you get hurt on your journey, get up brush yourself off and keep moving because it will only make you stronger and plus, Karma is a motherf***
2016-05-23 22:06:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Because we have let them do it before. I always ask myself three questions, Have I time? Do they really need help? Do I really want to do it? If the answers are No, then I don't do it.
In my job as a home care-worker there are times I know that I have to say no and actively encourage them to do something themselves. Now I no longer feel quilty for saying no to a friend either.
You can still help people but you need to learn how to say no too. If a person does take advantage of you, then next time they ask just say No!
2007-01-16 11:13:08 · answer #4 · answered by willowGSD 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Because they know they will get what the want, that nice person will always do something for them because they probably feel guilty or "mean" for not helping. Try to be more assertive, only help when you actually have time and if you feel that someone is using you, explain to them that you won't help under those conditions and back out. You don't always have to help, you can be nice and still turn them down if you would like to.
2007-01-16 10:19:15 · answer #5 · answered by Alice 2 · 8⤊ 0⤋
To treat others as you expect to be treated, it's ....well, well meaning. But, what if this other guy or woman produces a pair of boxing gloves and starts punching you, or produces a whip and starts to take stripes off of you......
And it's only later that you discover that s/he has the exact same philosophy as you ~ whilst being a practising masochist! It leaves you then little or no room to manoeuvre or to complain within the framework of that philosophy ~ as s/he is practising what you (both) espouse.
I've been where you are and had to call a halt to having myself sucked in by others. I couldn't afford to do be anything but picky and choosy.
Sash.
2007-01-16 10:58:50 · answer #6 · answered by sashtou 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
We have decided , in our society, that "nice " means letting people walk all over us, use us. Dr.Phil has this great saying that I firmly believe," we teach people how to treat us."
Meaning if we don't want to be used we don't have to let them use us, or walk all over us. Being an assertive person doesn't mean you're not a nice person, it means you're standing up for your own rights without stomping on someone elses.
I am considered a nice person but I have learned to be assertive enough to not let someone step all over me. It took some learning, I will admit. We can be well liked and stand up for ourselves at the same time. They don't have to be exclusive of each other.
2007-01-16 10:35:17 · answer #7 · answered by Teresa t 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
First i am sorry you feel this way but please don't let these so called human beings get to you i have always said it is nice to be nice and have done my best to stick to that but sometimes find myself in situations that i wish i wasn't in for helping other people out - but I still do it cos i have got a big heart and like to share it unlike others who just take and take and don't know the meaning of giving and sharing! Find some new friends!
2007-01-16 11:10:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 8⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes i think that some people aren't as mindful as others and probably don't realize that they've done anything to hurt your feelings, especially if you refuse to speak up or stand up for yourself, as is the case with most nice people. (myself included)
Don't take offense, but what type of past do you carry that allows you to be so sensitive of others around you. Some people have been hurt in some way either mentally or physically for long periods in their lives. ie. molested, beaten, raped. I know that these people tend to carry a more sensitive attitude to the world around them and sometimes can take things more personal than others. check it out on the net.
2007-01-16 10:44:58 · answer #9 · answered by Lah-Dee-Dah 2 · 8⤊ 0⤋
because they feel if they treat you bad, you'll always come back
I know this because I guy I was talking to was so nice to me
which is different because all of my exes all wanted one thing
well 2, sex and money. this guy was completely different. he was
so nice and then we got in an arguement. i just figurered he would
come right back, so i didnt think nothing of it. we stopped talking
for 1 month. i did everything in my power, but he said he's sick
of being nice and getting nothing but ignorance out of me from it
sooo.. my advice for you is to dont let people boss you around
keep being nice, but dont let people take advantage of you. if
one of you friends asks for a ride every single day, and she just
assumes that youre going to do it and takes advantage-- then
say no one day. tell her you have other things. maybe then
she will realize all the good things you do (example of course)
2007-01-16 10:27:24 · answer #10 · answered by chelsღ 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋