what should i do? my husband seems to have gotten way to comfortable with lying to me?

Question

how do i get him to realize it is really doing our relationship some serious damage? what can i do to make him stop?

Answer 1

He's going to stop lying when he isn't getting any benefit from it. Call him on his lies. Let him know that since you're living with a liar, you're living with a person you don't know. If he's unable to stop lying, he may be a compulsive liar and that's a personality disorder that you're probably not equipped to handle.
Only you can decide if you're willing to tolerate living with someone who doesn't have the integrity to be honest with you. Good luck!

Answer 2

You cannot stop somebody from lying. Your man is going to do what he does no matter what you do.

I'm going to guess that your man has a problem with chemical dependence. He is either a druggie or an alcoholic. Addicts lie all the time. It is a way of life for them. And the fact that he's been lying to you for a long time tells me that you've got some issues as well (no offense).

You need help. You need to get involved in a support group for people who have experience dealing with this kind of thing. This is an ugly road you are headed down and you've already gone too far down it.

I must assume that trust must be very badly broken in your relationship. You can't build a relationship with somebody if there is no trust. You have some good insight in that you understand that his lying is doing your relationship some serious damage. I'm glad for your sake that you can see that.

The question really is, what are *you* going to do about it? And I emphasize *you*. Because the only thing you can control is you.

My feeling is that you need help. There is a lot more here than just your man lying to you. Look into it and figure it out. There is a reason people lie. Learn about what is going on and why. But don't try to control it. That is about as productive as trying to hold back the wind.

There's a much better life waiting for you. Get help.

Answer 3

Well I could help if I had an example better, but it seems like he needs a piece of his own lying. Make up a lie that will shock him. Nothing that will cause your relationship problems. Just something to surprise him than let him know it was a lie and see how he feels about being lied to.

Answer 4

You have taught him that it is ok to lie to you. You might get mad or cry, but you will let him do it.
Now, you have to get tough. Tell him that you are not happy with his behavior, and that you want his word that he will stop. Tell him if he can't help himself, you will go to counseling with him, and if he CAN stop, he must.
Tell him it is a deal-breaker; that you can't live with someone you can't trust. Liars can't be trusted.
Then, start saving money. If you don't have one, get a job, and a car. Quick!
The next time you catch him, drive to the bank and take half the money. Rent an apartment. Don't tell him where you are or what happened. He will know.
Just leave. No BS , no deals, no begging, no arguing, no excuses.
YOU cannot fix this. You can just save yourself, and thank your lucky stars you don't have kids with this loser.

Answer 5

You can't do anything to make him stop. People lie for all different kinds of reasons. Sometimes for no reason at all. He could be afraid of failure or criticism or he could not even realize he's doing it. Maybe tell him how it's affecting your relationship and encourage him to get some counseling on his own. If you push at him too hard, it could make him pull away. If you love him, help him to know that you'll be there for him, but not at your expense.

Answer 6

Your husband could be a habitual liar, a person who can't help themselves. They lie to get attention and to put all the focus on them. Try to get to couples counseling if your husband won't go to counseling go by yourself. Then make the decision if you want to stay with someone that lies to you. I don't like to tell someone to just leave (unless there's abuse), marriages can be worked on and salvaged. Sit down and have a heart to heart talk, don't let him get away with lying. Maybe he needs lots of help, ask him straight out if he wants to save the marriage.

Answer 7

That is not good...... I am in a relationship that he lies sometimes, even when the truth sounds better. It is hard to beleive anything they do say. I wish I knew too how to break them of it. I have just learned to tell him, that I know he is lying and to tell the truth, and if he doesnt than dont talk to me till he can. The guilt get's to them first than they come clean with the truth. Good Luck!!!!

Answer 8

If he'll lie about small things, then he'll lie about big things. The bad thing about a lie, is that it takes another lie to cover the first one....and it becomes a vicious cycle of lying. Eventually, they won't remember all their lies, and that when they get caught, and look like a fool to friends. It his lies become too much, then he's hiding something...and that you need to be concerned about. Best of luck to you.

Answer 9

maybe your just seeing the real him. if he has become comfortable with lying, maybe that's because there are no consequences for his actions. one lie leads to another lie, guess lying for him may be a familiar thing, he is use to doing. get counseling, if he won't go leave him and move on, no one should have to put up with a liar.

Answer 10

Start lying to him in an obvious way. Tell him you have a hot night planned and then turn your back on him and say you lied.