I'm 21 and I'm an adult. I've been trying to deal with this maturely but it keeps bothering me. The only serious relationships I've had were with virgins. But my current bf has been divorced twice. He's more sexually experienced than I am and he's pretty much already done everything with his past girlfriends and wives.
I am upset because I feel like I'm boring compared to his past women. I am also upset because it seems like he's already done everything with other women. He and I can't experience anything for the first time, together because he's already done it before. I feel like we can't be adventurous with our sex life, because he's already "been there, done that".
How do I get out of this funk? I'm trying to be an adult and realize that he's an attractive man....of course he's gonna come with experience. Why can't I deal with it? And what can I do to get over it and move forward with him?
2007-01-16 09:05:51 · 11 answers · asked by Abby C 5 in Social Science ➔ Other - Social Science
Not to be rude or anything because I only know what you have posted, but it sounds to me like your self confidence is a little low. Why would you feel small next to his ex-girlfriends and wives? The key word there is EX. He is not with them for one reason or another, he is with you now. You have to chillax and know that if he felt you were boring, he wouldn't be with you to begin with. It sounds like you might be slightly upset that you are not the teacher in this situation and that you may feel a little powerless because he has more experience for you. What I would suggest is that you become an eager student and not worry about his past because with more self confidence ( men don't like a girl who downs themselves ) and a few new tricks in your bag, you very well could be his future. Good luck girlie!
2007-01-16 09:24:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No matter how many time you've done it, it shouldn't feel like "been there, done that". Otherwise, people would stop having sex and relationships in general somewhere around 30 years old. If it feels disapointing or not exciting, then there may be a bigger problem. It is quite possible that he didn't let go of his past relationhsips in his heart and this may be what you feel. When a person is over some relationship, then it should feel like it's totally over. If the problem is on your side - I don't know what to tell you, because you can't go on having sex selectively with virgins for the rest of your life.
If you have to try and tell yourself that he's an attarctive man, you're trying to talk yourself into the realtionship and also talk yourself out of the problems instead of solving them.
2007-01-16 09:20:33 · answer #2 · answered by Snowflake 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would have to say that if you're just starting a relationship everything will be new because it's being done with you. From a mans point of view, the act of anything with a different person is new. Also the fact that he is doing with you should be enjoyable enough for him. Keep this in mind its not that he's done it before whats important is he's never done it with you before. All people are new and different and as such each experience will be different as well.
You might try not measuring yourself against his past which honestly you really can never gauge other than in your head. Measure yourself based on your own happiness. Are you happy? are you enjoying your relationship as it is now?
I think addressing these questions will help you get out of your funk.
As a guy I've felt similiar with regards to girl friends but for different reasons and in most instances it was my own insecurities that made me feel this way. Overcoming them helped me move on in a better direction.
2007-01-16 09:19:30 · answer #3 · answered by Eric H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you sweet jealous thing!! Can't you try and imagine how much your husband treasures your lack of "experience" and how much he would probably enjoy being the First for you at everything?? He is your own private Sex Instructor. If I were him, I wouldn't want you to throw my own past experiences up in my face!! You have an attractive husband that other women would naturally want to go to bed with????? WOW!! How lucky are YOU????? Stop letting him know you're jealous. If you have to lie, paint over all that jealousy. If you two stay married many many years, sex will be a memory anyway. It will certainly change. Please change your tactics with him. And don't think you have to make him spill his guts about past sexual involvements. Separate sex from love (hard for some women to do) and start trying to let the man enjoy having a "special" wife that hasn't been all over Hell and Back learning Sex Tricks!!! Good Luck!! @8-)
2007-01-16 09:21:08 · answer #4 · answered by Dovey 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes he may have been there and done that , BUT not with you, so that makes it a whole new experience to him and you. because no one reacts to the same thing the same way ever, not even you, it is impossible to do some thing twice and have an exact duplicate of the first experience. if you are human there will be variables, that is why machines are used when it comes to duplicating , and even that is not 100%. so get the idea that you are boring out of your head. read research, practise perfect, start over
2007-01-17 08:23:13 · answer #5 · answered by rkilburn410 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have to realize that he has a past just like you do. you dont want anyone judging you based on your past of NOT experiencing things and you probably shouldnt judge based on the fact that he has. If he wanted that, he would have found someone that has more experience, simple as that. Its like this, just because someone has driven a Lexus and owned one before doesnt mean that a Lexus is the only acceptable car for that person to drive. Perhaps he doesnt like the Lexus for many of the reasons that you arent aware of....
2007-01-16 11:56:44 · answer #6 · answered by boomerang3que 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He had a life before you came along and you have to accept that.It's not his fault that he experienced more than you.All of that is behind him now let him teach you what he knows and both of you can enjoy a great sex life.Don't feel insecure because he's more experienced than you are.You seem to be a bit territorial,don't be it will eventually ruin what you might have with him.Enjoy him and put any worries aside.
2007-01-16 09:32:19 · answer #7 · answered by Ms Lety 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get over it if you don't stay with him the next boyfriend wil probbally be experienced and will also have other relationships. In this day and age it is hard to avoid it. By the time i was 21 i was already with three girls seriously and few other not to seriously. That also tends to be the norm.
2007-01-16 14:15:12 · answer #8 · answered by Big Daddy R 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
an really severe type of relationships makes me imagine that they are too common, and that a protracted courting might want to easily be out of the question. also, very lengthy relationships have a tendency to scare me because many of the time they don't seem to be thoroughly over the fellow and able to bypass on.
2016-11-24 21:45:35 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can either find yourself a virgin, or learn a few tricks. Either way, it won't matter. A good relationship isn't based on sex, and believe me, he'd rather have you less experienced than more...
2007-01-16 09:12:38 · answer #10 · answered by The-Magic-8-Ball 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋