Why do people say "move on?" Maybe they are guilty of the same?

Question

I have found that if you look into the background of people who say "move on" after your spouse has had an affair or left you, they have committed the same or similar transgressions. What does that mean, anyway? Of course you move on after a while. But why be so cold about it unless you acted in the same way?

Any therapist will tell you that it is normal to hurt and be sad, that it is like a death. Something is wrong with people who don't feel that way.

Answer 1

You're right Debra, MOST of us HAVE been there, and done that, so we speak from EXPERIENCE. The only thing you CAN do, is to move on in your life. You can't go back and change the way things happened. The only thing you can do anything about is the future....so that's why we say, "Move On!" Yesterday is history! Tomorrow can be different....if you choose it to be!

Answer 2

There's another alternative... Move on is the quick fix to a fruit (or symptom which is the affair) of the problem. If you want to get to the root of why that person cheated then good marriage counseling is better. People who say move on don't value marriage and don't understand the commitment and covenant relationship of marriage.

If a couples were to actively pursue pre-marital counseling it would become a very beneficial tool in discovering who you are truly marrying.

If a serious situation occurs (for instance... Adultry) then counseling is definitely needed by both individuals. Marriage counseling should happen regardless... even if the other spouse doesn't want to go. It's a necessary step in order for the healing process begin.

Understanding why the husband/wife chooses to behave in the manner in which they did and what from their past or present circumstance aided in their decision to do what they did will help the other person a great deal. It may even be the catalyst in allowing them to move forward (or not) with the marriage.

ok then... there you go.

Answer 3

We all no when someone is cheated on it hurts. In what it means "move on" after the pain and sorrow is gone your going to have to "move on" what else is there. I know it sounds so cold but it's the facts. I know from personal experience. Just year in half my husband was having affair. I went though it with him. I even took him back many times over. Finally 5months ago.I draw the line in the sand in said no more. I finally moved on. When a person says move on they don't mean it right then now. We all no it's a healing progress. And some of us put up with it longer then others. All those times I keep taking back my husband "I" wasn't ready to move on up in-till 5months ago. And also if a person says "move on" don't always mean there guilty of the same thing, I believe some are but it could also be because they been though it. Like now I sometimes tell people when your ready to "move on" you will. You can't rush a person. That person has to deal with themselves in no one can do it for them. I hope I was helpful to you.

Answer 4

Cheating is a hard subject... some people just have strong opinions about it (whether they've experienced it or not)... and its a black and white subject to them. I see a bit of the grey side... so I get what your asking here. Personally I hate the term 'once a cheater always a cheater'(I'lkl get lots of thumbs down for that comment)..... cause I believe that statement to be untrue. You can't generalize everyone like that. I'm not denying that most cheaters are just plain DOGS (and would do it again and again, as long as they think they won't get caught)... but there are some people, who do it and regret it for life.. and would never hurt someone like that ever again. There are different circumstances for every situation... so I try not to give my opinion of 'move on' or 'work it out'.. unless someone describes a bit of the background relationship.

I know what your wondering now... have I cheated?

No and I never will.

Answer 5

I've told people to "move on" before and it's not because I feel guilty or that I have committed similar transgressions. It's because the person I tell that too isn't letting go, is really embittered and extremely negative and talking about it over and over and over again isn't going to help them or the situation. So I have to say "Move On"

Everyone has a right of their own time to heal, but every friend also has a right to tell their friend that they think it's time to "move on"

Answer 6

Because you NEED to move on... This is why people say to do so. I have committed a "transgression" of moving on, yes - what would be the point of hanging on to the past? If your spouse left you, or your significant other is utterly disrespectful - moving on is the best thing one can do, IMO. No one could tell me differently.

Answer 7

Therapists don't always know what they're talking about. Sometimes a person is so sick and tired of things that someone has done that the relationship was over before the actual words were spoken. A person can kill everything you ever felt for them. It doesn't mean that the person who was cheated on cheats too. It means they need to move on, there's nothing left to hang on to.

Answer 8

I think that when people say move on, it is to maybe forget what happened. Stop tormenting yourself about it. I don't want to be the same, because I know the other one would have changed too, or else the relationship wouldn't have ended. Moving on, is to help stop the pain, because if you keep holding on, you're just holding on to your past. You need to live the present, to find other things to do. Forget, because what made you happy, now makes you sad. =(

Answer 9

Saying "move on" is an emotionally and intellectually lazy way of dealing with complicated issues. A more elaborate or meaningful response is beyond most people who utter this phrase.

Answer 10

I have never been unfaithful or cheated or anything as such yet I was able to MOVE ON because it is the thing to do.You have to better yourself and how can you do that if you sit and wallow in the situation.Sound's to me like you have some real issues...