Can you write an amusing paragraph or 2 or more, with a WESTERN (cowboy) theme that includes these phrases?

Question

1. I'll get on you like ugly on an ape.
2. Their's was a strange relationship.
3. The townsfolk were getting mighty worried.
4. What's a woman gotta do to get some attention around here?
5. Name's Dillon...we have laws in this town...blah,blah,blah.
6. Only a drunken, infantile idiot shoots himself over love, not a U.S. Marshal.

Answer 1

Marshall Dillon and Miss Sunshine were having a lover's quarrel and she said to him, "I'll get on you like ugly on an ape, if you don't stop talking your nonsense."

Matt looked at her and replied, " All I said, was that their's was a strange relationship, and the townsfolk were getting mighty worried. "

The woman that they were speaking about, just walked through the door asking " What's a woman gotta do to get some attention around here."

Matt saunters up to her and introduces himself, " Name's Dillon...we have laws in this town...blah, blah, blah, and ma'am, we know that only a drunken, infantile idiot shoots himself over love, not a U.S. Marshall. I'm taking you in for murder, Miss Kitty. You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney, if you can't afford one, one will be appointed to you. Do you understand these rights?"

Miss Kitty looked at him and answered, "Yes, but sir, it was self defense, I was trying to protect myself and my Indian helper, he was drunk and he was going to rape her. What was I supposed to do."

Matt explained that she would be able to have witnesses and to tell the Judge what had happened.

Well, Miss Kitty went to jail and the judge came around a couple of days later and she goes to trial. The Indian maiden testified on her behalf and there were other folks that told how mean Marshall Ford was when he was drunk. The judge found her not guilty.

Miss Kitty hopped the next stage out and went west young man. Miss Sunshine was so glad to get rid of her, because Miss Kitty had been making eyes at her long love, Marshall Matt Dillon, and Miss Sunshine wasn't going to stand for that.

Marshall Dillon comes back to the hotel and Miss Sunshine and Matt goes upstairs to have a drink and a long talk and whatever else came up.