Shall I have an affair?

Question

Even though my husband has had 2 affairs within the past 3 years. Can I have an affair behind his back and let him really know how I feel? He has told me that we have a open relationship. So does that mean we can both see whomever we want. I'm confused can someone help?

I've never had an affair before plus I'm bi-sexual. I just don't know what to due!

Answer 1

If he says that is the type of relationship you have and he is doing it, then get out there girl & do it too. He may be saying that because he does not think you will do it, but making it sound ok for him in the meantime. Go Girl ! !

Answer 2

My wife and a I are swingers and have played solo with people we both know and trust. So I guess you could say that we have a committed relationship and maybe a quasi-open relationship. Here's how we handle it.

First, there is not affairs. There is no cheating. Everything we do is with the knowledge and FULL CONSENT of each other. I don't see whoever I want when I want. Neither does she. We know each other's "friends" and even all hang-out together. Everything is done above board and with full disclosure.

For instance, I don't see my 'girlfriend' and don't tell her about it or tell her about it afterward. I ask her beforehand "can I go see so-and-so today?" She has the option to say "yes" or "no". Same the other way around with her seeing other men. We ask each other's permission BEFOREHAND.

Another thing is that you are not doing this for the right reasons. My wife and I are in a very committed relationship emotionally to each other. We are not looking for someone or something else. We are it for each other. Everything else is just fun. Nothing else. It is ADDITIONAL SEX, not REPLACEMENT SEX.

What you are proposing (and what your hubby is doing already) is REPLACEMENT SEX.

How you two are going about it is just asking for trouble.

For some good information on how it's done by successful swingers and open relationships, check-out The Swingers Board (link below).

Answer 3

Are you comfortable with the concept of an "open relationship?" It sounds like you are unsure of what this is, and you have simply been told that you are in an open relationship. My definition would be he sees others and you see others. Personally, I would not be OK with this type of relationship, and if he respected you as a woman and a person he would not think this was OK either. My recommendation would be to loose the guy! Find a man who loves you and is satisfied with you. If I were in this position I would seek out a therapist for both of you to see. If you want him to know how you feel you need to tell him, and if he doesn't get it then get lost!

Answer 4

Having an affair, whether you have a so-called "open" relationship or not, will spell doom to the marraige. Affairs cannot do anything but harm the relationship because they are not centered upon you and your spouse, but you and someone outside the marriage.

I suggest you see a therapist and try and work out the issues you are facing. If he is unwilling to change, perhaps it is time to move on with your life.

Answer 5

I think by you having an affair, will only make him feel less guilty. Don't do it. Leave him. Then date as you wish.

If you start having an affair and you wouldn't otherwise do something like that, it may alter your personality and cause you to do so when you are finally with someone who IS faithful to you and you have become the cheater.

Not worth your principles. You have it right from the beginning.

Leave him

Answer 6

Have you ever heard the phrase two wrongs don't make a right? well his two affairs has been two wrongs, and then you accepting both of them is another and now you want to have an affair? That seems to make 4 wrongs and I am sure there are more... Don't try and get revenge..be a better person than he is.. good luck

Answer 7

ugh..an open relationship?? you two are married...when he said those vows to you, he agreed to exactly the opposite of that. its not ok that he's having an affair, but please don't take yourself down to his level and do the same thing. Have you guys tried counseling? If it were me personally, I would never allow an "open relationship," and if my husband thought that was ok, there would be divorce papers filed the next day. I like my husband to be mine and mine only..what would be the point of marriage otherwise? I'm hoping that you get some backbone and tell him how you feel, and if he doesn't listen to your feelings then he doesn't deserve you. Good luck!

Answer 8

If he says you have an open relationship then that obviously means he is going to be seeing someone else. So you might as well go for it. Maybe you will find someone that wants what you want in a marriage and you can leave the loser behind. In my opinion if you are married to someone it should just be you and him, no one else. Why be married then? It don't make sense.

Answer 9

What's the point of being married? What would it really prove? Would you teach your children this type of nonsense? As an adult and a female you have to be the stronger person in this one. Why are you still with him? Do you like for your men to cheat on you? If not, I dare you to do something about it except don't cheat because then you'll become the lowlife.

Answer 10

You must be missing something in your relationship. ..and why in the world would you want to have an affair just to show him how you feel?? If it were me, and you havn't started an affair?...dont' do it! Just get out of the marriage if you don't love him.

Answer 11

Yes, Debbie Green, an open marriage means you can both date/sleep/hae sex with other people.

Did you not know what this meant when your hubby told you that's what you have?

Good luck to you, as you are about to be exposed to STD's from your partner's partners, and your hubby's partners partners, etc etc.

What ever happened that your hubby went out and had the affairs?