I married a man earlier this year that I lived with for a few years. We were in love & had a good relationship. Financially, however- he drained me of every penny- and caused me rack up some serious debt because he didn't want to work. Sometimes he me treated poorly and didn't help me in the right ways. Needless to say, we decided to end our marriage amicably this past Fall. My best friend happens to be male and I have known him since before I met my husband. He is wonderful person- who has made it clear he would do anything for me. Naturally when my husband realized his inadequecies and saw my bf wanting me he became very jealous of our friendship & started accusing me of adultery(which is not the scenario). Since some time has passed & I have been spending more time with my bf I have realized that I am in fact in love with him- and he is in love with me. He is the perfect person for me- but I feel horrible. I am not an adulterer. I still love my husband- but I love my bf. What now?
2007-01-16 08:24:04 · 11 answers · asked by loveguppy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My hus. and I are legally separated.
My bestfriend and I did make love- it was wonderful.
2007-01-16 09:25:43 · update #1
Last Fall meaning October 2006
2007-01-16 09:26:17 · update #2
If the marriage is over, then be with your best friend. That doesn't make you an adulterer. If you had sex with your best friend before you were divorced, then, you would be an adulterer.
If you're still in love with your husband and the marriage isn't over, you need to let your best friend go so he can find someone to be happy with. You can't have your cake and eat it too. Its not fair to your best friend or to your husband.
2007-01-16 08:32:49 · answer #1 · answered by AmyB 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I take it when you said you and ur husband decided last
fall to end your marriage you are still married as you both
just last fall decided to end the marriage but actually are
not divorced yet: if so then if you were seperated and with
your bf and made love then you are an adulterer in
society's eyes so it sounds as if you are confused and
do not know really what to do as you say you still love
your husband and your bf also. You need to do some
soul searching and decide who you really want to be with
and who you love more: If you say you still love your hus-
band then try and make the marriage work as it is him
who you have now and your bf you really don't know and
just because you made love to him and enjoyed it does
not mean that you will enjoy him the rest of your life: So
if you want your marriage to work then do your best to
mend that and leave your bf as an ex and just that, how-
ever if you feel that your marriage is un-repairiable, then
get a divorce and re-cooperate before you get into ano-
ther relationship because if you rush into it you will be
right back to where you were before. Good luck.
2007-01-16 13:56:49 · answer #2 · answered by RudiA 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you ended the marriage (amicably, even) what are you worried about?
Who cares what anyone else thinks? You and your best friend have taken the time to build a solid foundation and you've got a good thing.
Embrace it - and remember whose life it is! You cannot be an adulterer if you're not married.
Some people never meet "the perfect person" for themselves. You have, and you feel horrible?
Smarten up! You left your husband for a reason. You're with the new friend for a reason. How many reasons do you need to be happy?
You have guilt running your life like a catholic. Get over it!
2007-01-16 08:33:53 · answer #3 · answered by wrdsmth495 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You said that your marriage ended last fall..so whats the problem? You should move on..your ex husband seemed to have been causing a lot of trouble in your life, so you dealt with it and got rid of him, its your turn to move on. Don't listen to him, you got a divorce for a reason...he can't dictate your life anymore. If you have to, move from where you are now, change your numbers etc..if he's bothering you still, put a restraining order on him. He needs to understand how you feel, and if you are done with the marriage and the relationship, then leave it at that. I'm sure you love him, you married him, but if he can't respect your feelings and accept just a friendship with you, then you need to do what you need to do. Good luck, I'm sure it will all work out in the end!
2007-01-16 08:43:05 · answer #4 · answered by JKlein 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your in a tight spot. My best friend also happens to be my fiancee. When I divorced my Ex I made a bad decision and slept with a dear friend, I turned a nice comfortable friendship into a nightmare. I was on the rebound, I turned physically to the one person I trusted with all my pain and hurt. It was wrong, and I paid a high price for those nights of passion, we are no longer close, if I even see him today I am so ashamed of myself, not him for he comforted me in the way I wanted to be comforted at the time, but I knew in my mind and my heart that what him and I shared prior to sleeping with him was friendship, it would never have gone past that had I not needed to be told I was a woman and passionate. I could have turned to a stranger or just a friend for this comfort but I didn't, I think back to our relationship and wish it to be as it was. For some people that have never had a best friend of the opposite sex don't understand where I am coming from but if he is your best friend as you say then you know what I mean...don't sleep with him, don't cross that line, you may very well regret it in time, and lose someone very dear to you in the process.
2007-01-16 08:42:02 · answer #5 · answered by sassywv 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say you two decided to end your marriage last fall. Have filed for divorce? If you've filed for divorce, then go right ahead and explore a relationship with anyone you wish. What your soon to be ex thinks about it is immaterial. But, you need to decide what you want. Saying you still love hubby, but also love another guy is silly. Lady, pick ONE guy.
2007-01-16 09:25:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
allow you to recognize are brother each and every thing tell him to get examined too then confront your bff and her husbend convey you're brother interior the domicile and performance all of them confront one yet another and if problem bypass undesirable bypass out.
2016-10-17 01:45:29 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
life is short. enjoy both men untill you decide which one is the best provider.that should be your decision.
2007-01-16 09:02:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
THIS IS A STUPID QUESTION..... YOUR EX HUSBAND IS OUT OF THE PICTURE FOR A YEAR NOW. WHY DO YOU CARE WHAT THE HELL HE THINKS???!!
WHY ARE YOU EVEN TALKING TO YOUR EX? HE SOUNDS LIKE A TOTAL LOSER??!!
2007-01-16 08:41:32 · answer #9 · answered by sweetbabykitty 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you spoken to Dr. Phil about this?
2007-01-16 08:29:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋