Cheating wife immediately demanding trust and privacy to make the relationship work..?

Question

The situation is that *somebody's* wife has been busted cheating like 2-3 times talking on the internet with guys and having web/phone sex but insists that it is innocent because she loves her husband and he should know that she would *never* meet any of these guys it is just for fun. She got busted the first time and swore off of it. A year later the husband sees an e-mail sent to an old flame that is suspicious. He further investigates and she hasn't stopped but only created a new e-mail address to have the mail sent to. She says that his mistrust is forcing her to do it while for a year he hadn't mentioned it once. After getting busted twice and caught in about 15 lies the husband discovers that she has actually called the guy and professes to "care" about him but does not love him. The wife demands to be trusted or the relationship cannot work THE SAME DAY and demands to have total privacy of her e-mail box and intenet time. The husband is thinking of throwing her out at the curb.

The wife tearfully admits her connection to the sugar daddy and describes it is "deep and spiritual" she even asks the husband to take her to see him (they have never met physically) and maybe it will help ease her connection to him. While recently in the same city that the sugar daddy lives in on vacation she expressed that she thought about slipping away and making it to the sugar daddys house. She says that she wants to stay and work on the marriage but it is not in her eyes. She looks as if she WANTS to leave and is only staying not to crush the husbands emotions or embarass her family. This girl needs some direction. Like I mentioned earlier, she is 25 and the sugar daddy is 63. Counseling is an option but the husband is pissed and doubts that it will work because of the level of attachment for this man she has harbored and lied about for almost 3 years. She came clean and says that she wants to save her marriage but is addicted 2 this man like heroin. Not sure she wants 2 detox

She insists that the relationship with the sugar daddy is pure because they have never met (she is from overseas and he lives in NY) She insists that if enough people hear her "side" of the story of how he made her life better then no one can possibly still condemn her. He raised her up, put a few thousand dollars in her account and she didn't have to sleep with him. She got spoled and lived the high life for 4-5 years but with her husband there are budgets, no luxury soaps and expensive dinners, no $500 to go shopping but he is a good provider paying the bills and has a nice car while they are still buying furniture. She has an attitude like "The sugar daddy would never see me without what I wanted" so why should my husband be off of the hook? He provides for me but I "deserve" the finer things and if he isin't willing to spoil her financially at a moments notice then it will not help her get over the sugar daddy

A question she posed to the woman is "how can it be cheating if she has never seen him or had sex with him?" We all agree that falling in love with someone other your spouse is cheating, more than sex even but she vehemently disagrees. She says that is is innocent and people "make" it look dirty but I am sure she would like to pop out some of this guys babies some time. He is too old to be a good husband to a 25 year old woman. He can't go out dancing or be very patient. In 5-7 years he will be 70.. thats sick.

Answer 1

If this problem was water it would be only ankle deep. People make mistakes but it's evident she isn't ready to be with one person only. She has some issues and they all seem to have to do with her not being satisfied. She may need to see you walk away so she understands that the grass isn't always greener.

Answer 2

Sugar Daddy's are not addictive like heroin. The wife is lying, cheating, conniving wench that should be kicked to the curb immediately if the husband has any self-respect.

Then he should proceed to have a series of meaningless one-night stands and realize that women are the real players in this game.

Sometime after the age of 50, he'll should travel abroad and marry a NICE (not hooker) foreign girl who will take care of him into old age in exchange for a green card and financial support.

Answer 3

So what is your question? It sounds like the husband is willing to try counseling. It also sounds like that is the ONLY thing that might save their marriage. They have a serious problem. She would rather confide in sugar daddy than her own husband. Counseling might disclose WHY she can't have that level of intimacy and trust with her husband. If she won't go, he should give her an ultimatum (this time an ultimatum is warranted) that she either goes with him to counseling or they get divorced. He must love her alot to put up with all of that!

Answer 4

WOW this story is great well written. but very disturbing. I can only assume this husband is you if so don't be discreet this is not your fault. Its your wife's problem unfortunately your involved. I say kick her to the curb and FAST. Sugar daddy is buying your wife ,. what 25 year old would be with a 63 year old if they didn't have a deep pocket. don't try to save your marriage, the damage is done.If you go back your only going constantly be thinking about this. I wondering if she is going to to it again. and it will. don't be fooled. DUMB THAT BIT_H! quick to respond to your additional info she doesn't deserve **** when they buy furniture is it delivered to your or there house ? And why is the husband still excepting this and is still there I would done with her

Answer 5

If "TRUST" is missing from the ring of love, then no matter how had they both tries, the relationship will not be stable. I think the husband should take his wife to counseling. It is obvious that his wife is addicted to Internet sex. Sad to say that the wife may enjoy these things but the husband does not wish to take part so as a result, the wife seeks this kind of excitement elsewhere.

Answer 6

I'd say "somebody" needs to get a cheating lying wife out of his house and find someone not so addicted to another man, sugar daddy and all. She is playing him for a fool. To say she is trying to save her family embarrassment and her husband emotional problems is her way of keeping this game going in her favor...and trust me she is definitely a player. Hubby needs to kick her to the curb before she brings him home a gift...STD's

Answer 7

Hmmm....she sounds like quite the doosie. She does NOT deserve her husband's trust, and her e-mail should be open for her husband to look at if she wants to regain even a scrap of trust. Also, she is in no position to be making demands regarding the future of their relationship, she was the cheater. It seems like your friend wants to keep the marriage going, but doesn't know if it will be worth it. All I can tell ya is, is that she may be too far gone.

Answer 8

I was cheated on. Well I say it is cheating and the counselor said it was cheating, but my fiance says no. I found out that my fiance was texting a woman that he works with very nasty texts during the day while at work. ( this is also an ex of his) I found it on his cell phone thinking we had no secrets.He would also talk to her on the phone while I was away or on his way to and from work. When I found out I was broken and it still affects us , BUT he said he loved me and he asked for another chance I gave that and he has changed. This woman you are speaking of doesn't sound like she wants to change. A man in his 60's wants a trophy not a young woman, She needs an eye opener take her to counseling, it will help

Answer 9

Once a cheater, always a cheater in my book. People on the internet relationships create and idealized/perfect person and situation, never realizing that the problems they have now will reoccur in real life with the new person as well... until they fix their problems themselves. I could not trust again after such betrayal. Move on to someone worthy of love and leave her to her internet imagined perfection.

Answer 10

Privacy and trust went out the door the first time she cheated. Throw her to the curb. Hopefully he has saved copies of emails for proof of adultery during the divorce.