Can you be married to someone which whom you have no passion with or for? I believe that I may be miserable forever if I marry someone who, mechanically, can be a great partner for marriage (ie- instilling morals and lessons into children, providing the other half of a home that I don't) but I have no connection to, intimately or passionately. We can have a good partnership for tasks BUT I don't feel how beautiful he is when I look in his eyes, I don't make the connection people do when they realize how brilliant their love is when they look into the face of the one they love- when we kiss I don't yearn for another, I don't feel anything. Have you experienced this? How? What do you make of this? Is it possible to live this way? Is there an alleviation? You can't just go to the store and buy this and I can't force myself to feel passion when it is only something that comes naturally for me depending on the person...
2007-01-16 08:02:09 · 11 answers · asked by Alexia S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Depends on whether you want a "business" relationship, or a "marriage". If you want a business type then yes it can work. If you want a marriage, then NO, it can't work! I REFUSE to live without passion....in whatever I do!!
2007-01-16 08:11:13 · answer #1 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sure it can be done, anything can be done and anyone can live however they want to live. It's all about choice and it's your choice to decide if you can live without passion. Ask yourself some serious questions:
Is it fair to your significant other? Do they feel the same as you or do they have passion for you?
How much does passion mean to you? Is it fleeting to you or is it one of those things that determines if you'll stay with someone down the line when the road gets tough?
Is passion also physical attraction to you? Those things go hand in hand, if you don't have passion, then does that mean you aren't attracted to your significant other? This is a huge thing.
How much is your love worth without the passion? Will you still be able to give the warmth of love?
Is it fair to your future children? Remember you can't hide a emotionally cold or lifeless marriage from them. As a child I want to believe that my parents were madly in love with each other.
Now think on the stories you hear about these seemingly happy couples who were married for 15 years without problems/fights etc... and then one day one spouse up and leaves the other with no good reason? Hear a lot of those don't we? Well take a wild guess about those people and what kind of attitude they went into their marriage with.
If you say you can't force yourself to feel passion, then I have to ask why are you forcing yourself to settle for a passionless marriage?
2007-01-16 08:19:29 · answer #2 · answered by hw 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is not a "remedy" that will fix this. If you love him like a "brother" I think that it is possible to fall in love with him although there will never be the passion you want. The fire you talk about is something that happens with chemistry. So you need to ask yourself serious questions. 1 How important is this relationship to you? 2 If he is the best partner for you will you be able to live without the passion you yearn for? I think once you answer these you will be able to make up your mind on what you want to do.
2007-01-16 08:34:33 · answer #3 · answered by kelleyann_p 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you do not love the person with passion, then your life will be miserable if you marry that person. Wait to have a great connection to someone because even if you have children and have an okay marriage just to get by, your children will notice and will use that as an example for their lives and perhaps never truly be happy themselves.
2007-01-16 08:12:13 · answer #4 · answered by Lupita 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are describing me as well. Passion for me is the intangible aspect for making a good relationship fantastic. It cant be bought, it has to be there, it cant be manufactured because you want it to, it just is. Its the connection you feel on an emotional level, not the physical. You dont have that kind of connection with this man. Yes, you can live like this, but I dont believe it would last for long. The "brother" like qualities you are talking about in this man will only subdue your needs for a little while. Give it 2 years tops and you will be wishing you never married this man. If you marry him, you may not be alone, but I guarantee you will be terribly lonely. If you dont have that real deep spiritual love for this man, then while you may be a strong enough person to play the role of a loving wife and never cheat, you will be having a lot of regrets on your death bed.
If you are anything like me, then you already know the answer. You know this man will never make you happy. Dont marry him, its not fair to him and its not fair to you....certainly not fair to your children. Children need to see the love of their parents, they need to grow up in a loving envirnment, and while he may instill good moral values into your children, it is not showing them how to be in a loving fullfilling relationship and they will get a warped idea of what real love is. I think it would confuse them to be in an environment like you are describing.
If you are prepared to settle, and thats all you would be doing, then you have to find a way to do this right and you need to destroy the part of you that needs intimacy and passion because if you still hang onto that part of you then you will become a very miserable and lonely woman. You will hurt yourself, you will hurt this man and you will hurt your children. Destroy your passion, destroy your need for intimacy because if you hang onto it your marriage will be doomed to begin with.
2007-01-16 08:21:16 · answer #5 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're the only one that can answer that. Can you say that you love the person even without the passion? And, can you live like that forever? Do you really want that? What would you do if you did find the passion in someone else? Would you break the heart of the one you chose for selfish reasons?
2007-01-16 08:20:53 · answer #6 · answered by happyblonde 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could live with someone without passion for many years. But you will never be happy. Being in love and care for someone are two different things. Being in love is passion. When you care for someone and live with that person for years it just become a routine and you will not be happy. You will always wonder how would it be.....
2007-01-16 08:15:46 · answer #7 · answered by queline25 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You probably could live like that for ever as long as you don't meet someone else along the way that does make you feel the passion.
2007-01-16 08:09:12 · answer #8 · answered by Alwyn C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In the end it all depends on what you want from your partner. If that is what you want...then great...you've found your match. If you want all the bells and whistles, then you might want to look elsewhere. NEVER settle for marriage. You want to be totally happy and be able to live long with your partner and raise children together in a happy environment.
2007-01-16 08:08:02 · answer #9 · answered by goldenfir 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he is a good friend and not someone who you should be married to. Why not just be good friends? You can never have enough of those, and you are only allowed one spouse!
2007-01-16 08:07:42 · answer #10 · answered by Allan 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋