Child Support Question?

Question

I have a question regarding my wifes ex-husband and his rights. I have been with my wife for 3 years now, she has a 7 year old son and a 6 year old son. Her ex-husband has not paid child support/called/birthday cards..NOTHING since they've been apart and recently he's been paying child support. He owes about $14,000 and has paid maybe $2,000 over the past 3 months. My wife is extremely upset because she thinks he's going to get the kids. My question is, does he now have rights to see the kids after being absent for so man years? They only know me as their dad and it would kill me and my wife to have them change the way they feel towards me because of this. Her ex-husband is not a good person and has threatened me a few times. I don't know what to do and unfortunately all of the attorneys in Virginia are wanting to charge $3,000 just to talk to us. Please, if there's anyone out there that can shed some light on this! Thanks!!!

Answer 1

well the honor system doesnt work and you've seen that first hand. the rights and laws are all geared for the children, not the parents. some fathers squeel, but they just dont get it.

the childrens needs come before ALL of us, period.

attorneys charge A LOT of money for these cases, because
(several attorneys told me these)
1) they are always messy and long
2) nasty cases are their bread and butter
3) clean cut cases never make them much money

Yes, the ex has the right to start to visit (even when he doesnt pay support [for they are two separate issues in court]). the court views it as a father 'who is trying to establish a relationship with his children'. The children have a right to know who their father is, and you both should have told them the truth from the start. but no worries, they know who is there for them (helps with homework, attends baseball games, school plays, etc).

They know.

IF he does start visitation, it will NOT change how the children feel or view you. even if the father starts to badmouth you and their mother (and brace yourself, he will), they will see after a period of time what is what. I once had a counselor tell me that when children reach a certain age, they begin to put pieces together all by themselves; usually about 12 or so. my children would tell my ex they dont like him saying nasty things about their mommy and my ex exploded at them (they were 8 at the time).

boy were they right. and my point is, you need to brace yourself for his bs, for it WILL happen. i have seen it hundreds of times with single parents (and the org i work for). you will see your children go through all kinds of anger, happy phases, disappointment, etc.

IT will take its course.

GET SET VISITATION, not 'open' visitation.... set times and places for pick up and drop off. If not, he will come and go as he pleases (and think its ok and his right). its a nightmare if you dont have 'set visitation'.

WHEN he does visit (and dont try to interupt or interfier in anyway, or you DO risk losing your children), it will be 'park, pizza and icecream' visits. He will be a hero at first. But try not to take it personally. The courts call this 'The Disney World Parent', because its so common.

WHEN he does not show up for visitation, there were be tears, sometimes a lot of them. DONT say mean things about the ex, just let them know you cant make him show up or 'that was his choice and not your fault'.

He will NOT get custody (which is really funny timing, when he is made to make child support payments, he starts threatening with taking the kids [also very common]), for he has clearly shown himself to be unrelyable. IF he trys to take custody, simply ask for an evaluation by a professional as to what would be in the best interest of the child(ren). No worrys, a professional child psych will be able to see through the crap. This is simple enough to ask for in court, but use ONLY as a last resort. Its what i had to do, and boy did it backfire in my ex's face.

He can file as many times as he wants for custody, but it doesnt mean he'll get it. He (and his attorney [he suddenly can now afford one]) will have to prove you both UNFIT, which will never happen, YOU HONESTLY HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT with custody. its his effects... you will need to address.

TRY to get a court order that states 'no adult issues' or 'disparaging remarks' are to be made to the children regarding the parents. MAKE SURE you do not discuss (at the dinner table, etc) the father, the court, the child support, etc. it screws kids up and shows the court that you are looking to sway the child toward you/your wife by badmouthing the father.

bad mouthing will continue, but not on your part. EVER.

1) contact your local Legal Aid Office. they are in every state and most counties. they go on a sliding scale and are free to most. look in your phone book, call the county court clerks office, or your states Bar Assoc for the number.
2) here are some links. one is a cs calculator, several are for questions you may have (visitation, custody, child support, etc); just click on your state and find the section you need.

the last few are to help.

3) stay patient, strong and stand your ground. YOU AND YOUR WIFE are your childrens only advocates. the ex wont abide by their rights nor protect them, so its on you guys... and they depend upon it.

4) the ex WILL now try and claim the children on his taxes (since now he pays support, he will feel entitled to it and that he actually provides more then 50% of the childrens expenses-LMAO!).

if he does, the IRS will audit both of you...tell him you DARE him too. they will make him refile his taxes when the dust settles.
http://www.irs.gov/taxtopics/tc422.html
http://www.irs.gov/faqs/faq4-5.html
http://www.irs.gov/localcontacts/index.html

5) if your CS caseworker or office isnt on the ball, contact your Regional Federal Child Support Office. In writing (via fax, then its proof it was sent/recieved) to the director... give them your contact info, case number, arrears amount and the problem. ask them what they are going to do about it. this sometimes puts some heat on the child support case.

6) you are a hellava guy for taking on children that are not yours and loving them the way a father should. i wish the world had more of you out there!!! (tell us where we ALL can find such men out here!)

http://freecycle.org/

http://www.petitionspot.com/petitions/collectchildsupport

http://www.wantedposters.com/deadbeats_usa_a_to_f.htm
http://www.deadbeatjustice.com/list.htm

http://www.divorcelawinfo.com/
http://www.divorcelawinfo.com/calculators.htm
http://www.helpyourselfdivorce.com/child-support-calculators.html
http://www.divorcehq.com/deadbeat.html
http://www.lawchek.com/Library1/_books/domestic/qanda/childsupp.htm
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cse/newhire/fop/passport.htm
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cse/newhire/fop/fop.htm
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/oro/regions/acf_regions.html
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/programs/cse/
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/region2/index.html

http://www.supportkids.com/

Answer 2

I'm going to assume that he has been out of the kids lives for at least three years...

No, he will not "get" the kids. He will be allowed visitation according to the original Decree.

What can your wife do? She can petition the Court to try and get full physical & legal custody of the kids but I wouldn't recommend that. She would be opening a can of worms that you probably don't want opened.

If I were her, I would just wait and see what he plans to do. Chances are, he will have a short-term relationship with his kids that includes periodic, visitation. He will soon grow tired of the responsibility and then just lose interest in them again.

Sit tight and see what happens. In the meantime, start saving $100 a month in an account designated especially for attorney's fees. If you don't need the money you can always go on a great vacation with the kids. Your wife is receiving child support right? so the money should be easy to save...

Answer 3

I am not a lawyer but I do have some experience in these matters.
First you must understand that every state views these matters differently. I know that most states do not consider child support and visitation related. How much you pay in child support does not give someone the right to visitation. Paying child support is a separate matter.

Second unless you and your wife are some kind of drug addicts or child abusers than it will be pretty hard to take the kids away from you all.
Third if there is no good reason why he should not have visitation rights than he probably will get them.
Forth if you are honest with the children and explain everything to them, they should be able to understand what is going on.

Good Luck.

Answer 4

Unfortunately, you will need to get a lawyer to settle custody. It is unlikely that the father will get much in the way of custody rights. If he owes $14,000 in child support, you may be able to use that as leverage to get him to stop pursuing custody (i.e I'll take you to court to get the back child support if you don't back off.) Still, you should just invest in the lawyer and get the custody issue settled legally right now. It is highly unlikely your wife would lose custody. She has everything going for her. Having the legal documentation, however, will make your lives a lot easier.

Start keeping a journal of anything that can be used against him - late child support, not contacting for birthdays, threats, etc. Keep names, dates, witnesses, documentation, details, etc. If he threatens you again, file a report with the police and get a restraining order, if possible. This will only help your case.

Answer 5

Shame on you and your wife....those children have a father...yes you maybe a better role model than he...but how dare you think you can replace their father. With your attitude I really wouldn't be surprised if the courts actually granted the father more custody as your are alienating the other parent. And yes, by law he is entitled to visitations.

I'm sorry but I can understand of not liking my ex but never would I tell or show my daughter my dislike of him...Unforunately, it was my choice to go to bed with him and have a baby...so there is nothing that is going to stop him from being the father...as much as I now wish differently.

And yes, litigation and attorneys are very expensive, I spent about 50K.....By you choosing to make his rights as a parent difficult you're just making your entire situation WAY worse...I know from exprience and have seen others...

Get over the fact that you don't like you're wife's chosing of fathers for the kids....you and your wife and possibly her ex need therapy....if only you knew what happens to these children in bitter custody disputes.

Answer 6

alright, I saw that you live in VA and so do I. If your wife has a court order saying that the dad has visitation, no matter how old it is, she still has to abide by that. She needs to file a petition with the court to get visitation dropped, tell her to explain to the judge that he hasn't seen them in however many years, and she wants no visitation. Also, child support has nothing to do with visitation, my ex has paid me a total of maybe 100 dollars, but he still has visitation, he didn't come get our daughter for over a year, and the judge dropped all of his visitation rights bc, obviously, he didn't care to see her. but your wife needs to take care of that bc she doesn't need him knocking on the door one day to pick up the kids. As far as child support goes, there is a law in Va that passed july 2006, that if a man is behind more than 5000 dollars child support, he has to do a mandatory year in jail. They used to suspend some of that time, but now, there is no good time, he has to do the whole year, so if this guy is that big of a problem, the ball is in her court to get him locked up. That will also make her visitation case that much stronger. I've been going through this for 5 years now, so let me know if I can help with anything else. Best of luck to you and your family!

Answer 7

Unless the courts have said he is an unfit parent and the courts have said he does not have the right to see his children, then he has every right in the world to see his children. tell your wife to be careful because whether or not he has paid child support is not relevant to visitation. I know someone who went through this exact situation and she decided that he could not see their kids after not paying for 3 years and he took her to court. The judge said what she did was illegal and instead of mandating visitation, he mandated joint custody.....so be very careful

Answer 8

when they went to court to settle the child support issue they should have also set up a custody agreement. (weather it be every other weekend, summers, etc) if that was set up then it is still valid. it doesnt matter if he has not been there he still has those rights as their biological father. your wife however can sue for back child support and she will get it. they can garnish it from his wages. if he trys to take the children from her she can bring up the fact that he was absent for all those years and did not pay child support. good luck to you and your wife.

Answer 9

kelly almost had it until she advocated having someone thrown in jail. research your laws and have your wife file her own motion. it is not that hard. they may take away visitations but i don't really think that is a fair thing,even to the kids. the better road would be mediation and supervised visits for a while. as far as threts go it s a risk you take when dealing with a divorcee. i have kept my ex wife out of jail over support payments by testifying for her.

Answer 10

Try the sites below, make sure to change the location/state in which you reside. Hope this helps. The last site is an affordable way to get access to an Attorney/Law Firm in your state and protect your entire family.