How do I end this relationship?

Question

Its a complicated situation, but I'll try to be concise:

I'm 22yrs old, I've been dating the same girl for 6 years. I am in grad school right now, she is in her first year of teaching high school biology. In September, we got a 1 bedroom apartment together that is located midway between her work and my university. We split rent and all costs of living.

Things haven't been great between us for the past 4 months or so, and I feel that the problems we have are recurring and never get solved. The problems aren't MAJOR, but I'm just not happy in the relationship anymore. I feel as though I can be happier with someone other than her.

I have been wanting to end this for the last month and a half, but I feel financially trapped since she does pay for half the costs of living here. I thought about trying my best to suck it up and wait until the lease is up in September 2007, but I don't think that's going to work very well.

Any thoughts on the situation would be greatly appreciated.

Answer 1

The way I see it, you have two options......continue living there, paying half, or move out, and pay all the expenses. You could find another roommate, at the new place, and have somebody to half those expenses also......I personally would live in a side ditch, rather than be miserable with her!

Answer 2

Steps
Make sure that you choose a time and a place that will be convenient for both you and the person that you are about to dump.
Make sure that the day that you choose to tell the person, you are at your best. Make sure that you use a friendly and loving tone that will not hurt the person so much.
The dumper should always think of the relationship from a larger perspective. Think of the good times that you have had in the past while trying to filter out the negatives.
Once you have sorted out the good times,and you are sure you have the negatives with you, you can now begin the process.
Inform the person that getting to know him or her has improved your life though there are some things that you were not ready for. At this point, you can name the things that you feel are suitable. Make sure to give some sort of reason, as simply saying "I don't want to date you anymore" will make the person more unhappy.
Tell the person that you have tried to cope with the shortcomings but due to reasons x,y,z you can not hold it any longer.
Once you have begun the process, establish concrete boundaries for your future interaction. Be polite, but firm about these boundaries and make it clear that they are non-negotiable. Let him or her call you when ready.



Tips
Don't raise your voice, even if the other person begins to yell. Try to keep calm and if it gets too out of control, just leave and let him or her cool down.
Comfort the person if he or she needs it, but don't get too attached! Voice your opinions if things are getting too uncomfortable or not appropriate. You don't want to be drawn down the same path.



Warnings
Never make the other party fully feel responsible for the break down. Always name your shortcomings as well to make the decision a just one.
Avoid giving them hope that it can continue. If you have made the decision to move on, then you must make that absolutely clear... if there is still something salvagable, then don't break up and instead focus on how you will work together to salvage the relationship. Breaking up is not a threat or a way to get someone to change.
Don't send a note -- do it in person!

Answer 3

I'd suggest checking out the newspapers to see if you can find affordable housing near your school. Then talk to her. Tell her how you are feeling and that you feel the relationship has reached a point that you cannot continue as a romantic couple.

See what she says. If you dated for 6 years, there's obviously SOME kind of friendship or positives that you based the decision to move in together on. Perhaps she too is looking for a "way out" but hasn't been able to voice it to you.

Perhaps you both can come to some kind of mutually acceptable solution. Maybe something like "Friends WITHOUT benefits" who are just roommates sharing an apartment until the lease is up?

On the other hand, if she explodes and throws you out - you'll already have done your homework and know where there is housing you can afford near school.

Answer 4

The financial situation you're describing will only get worse as time progresses. The two of you will become more interdependent on each other.

If you're not happy in the relationship and you believe that there is no way to resolve your differences, then you should end it immediately. You need to sit her down and calmly discuss what the issues are and why you believe that they can't be resolved.

Dealing with the situation now is a better idea than letting it continue and possibly lead to a marriage which you'll find it much harder to get out of in the future. Trust me on this, because this is what I let happen to me.

Answer 5

Ok- six years, I think you owe it to each other to sit down and have a conversation about your relationship...where it is or is not going and what aspects you are and are not happy about. Perhaps doing this with a third party (relationship counselor) would be a good idea. The relationship may be beyond repair. If this is the case, sublet the apartment or just forefit the deposit and move on.

If you walk away from the relationship, wouldn't it be nice to do so with the knowledge that you both tried? Don't blindside her...but odds are she may be feeling the same way. Be honest and just talk to her about it. Down the road, you'll be grateful you did.

Good luck.

Answer 6

Living with someone is the hardest thing you will ever have to do. If your unhappy you should be honest and tell her don't cheat or mistreat her. When you get tried of a situation and no longer really want to be part of it you simply leave it alone. It's no need to say it, or complain about it, or get advice. Just stop.

Answer 7

You may just be going through a rough patch. All long-term couples do from time-to-time. That being said, if you're sure you want to end it, then be a man. Find a room to lease and quit wasting both your times.

Answer 8

Just be honest and tell her the truth.

Answer 9

Don't string her along, it's better to end it.

Answer 10

Be a man and support yourself!