How do I reassure my boyfriend of his fear of fatherhood?

Question

I am 27 and about 8 weeks pregnant (unexpected) Although my boyfriend of 4 years and I are happy about it, my boyfriend, 33, is extremely nervous about it all. He worries about whether he will be a good father, husband , or provider and all that. I know its normal to go throuh this because I did too at first but it seems he hasn't been able to stop worrying so much. I try to reassure him that I know he will make a great father and husband but is there anything else I can do to calm his fears?

Answer 1

Becoming a parent is a scary thing for us all. There is no such thing as the *right words* is this case. All that can be done is to reassure him as much as it takes. My husband was the same way, but when he held our first born in his arms, well, that changed things, but it also brought on NEW fears.
Men or such softies, but they will NEVER admit it, but I can tell ya this, men who have these fears and cares and worries, are the kind that make wonderful , fathers, husbands and care takers !! If they do not have these things, at least to my way of thinking, I would question their motives ?????? So just relax, enjoy the ride and the life you are carrying, and keep daddy involved as much as you can.. Talk over his fears and such, let him talk to the baby, read books and show him the pictures of the stages, as you go thru them, keep his mind on the real things.... congrats to ya both and may God keep His arms of love around all of you... God bless

Answer 2

Just keep doing what you're doing. The baby will come soon enough and I've heard that, when you hold the baby, you know everything will be okay. When he does start to father the baby, compliment him on the good things he is doing. He'll get over the fear.

It will probably stop a long time before the baby is actually born, though. My older brother had the same problem but he got over it after a little while and he was a great father. Good luck, and congratulations. =)

Answer 3

i went through the same thing when my girlfriend became pregnant (the first time). i had all the same fears your boyfriend is having, and then some. as it turns-out, once the baby arrived, all the fears dissappeared almost immediately. without even realizing it, that child becomes the most important thing in your life, and things that you sacrifice for the love of that child seem insignificant. I've never had anything come more naturaly, than being a good father to my 2 kids. tell your boyfriend to either read this, or talk to somebody else he knows who has kids, and get their perspective. judging by the concerns he has already, there's not a doubt in my mind that he will be a devoted father.

Answer 4

U and him should talk about how your going to raise your child, how your going to punish him/her and just prepare. Maybe that will make him feel better. Go get a babydoll and have him hold it and change its diaper and maybe practive makin a few bottles. That may relax him a bit so he knows what to be prepared for. But usually the ones that are worried about being great dads are the best dads. I mean a babydoll isnt the real thing but just practice with the diapers lol in case he doesnt know. But as soon as that baby comes out he will be natural. U guys should come up with a plan. Cuz some dads arent as closely bonded as the mother cuz the mother has 9 months with it alone, then when it comes out the dad is afraid or something. so plan for when the baby comes out to make sure u take turns with the baby, playing, changin diapers, feeding, and then they can have a good bond. Im just rambling on lol but im tryin to help! good luck!

Answer 5

The fact that he is so worried about it is the indicator that he is going to be a good father. It's the guys that aren't worried about being good fathers that end up being the flakes. Your boyfriend might feel better if he "studies up" on the proper care of a baby. Give him the books, and paenting magazines, and send him links to all the millions of websites. With knowlege comes confidence.

Answer 6

Sure. Fight fear with knowledge. There are many books on the subject, specifically of fatherhood. Hospitals also often offer basic babycare classes he may find useful and reassuring. The mere fact that he is taking his responsibility seriously and wants to make his child happy is itself a very positive sign.

Answer 7

No just keep him involved with the pregnancy and get him the expectant father's book.Also, don't forget to buy him a fathers day card from the baby too. Even though the baby won't be here soon. Sign it from baby to daddy. it makes them melt. congrats and good luck!!!
momof4

Answer 8

I think that his reaction is a wonderful thing!!! Most men, including my husband, really didn't realize what was happening until we filled out our registry check list. That's about when they start freaking out! LOL
Just talk to him, let him know about your fears as well. There are also many GREAT forums and informative sites out there for Dad's.
Take Care!

http://fatherhood.about.com/

Answer 9

My hubby was the same way!He was 25. My sister in law got him a book for daddys and he read it on his own time an that helped him alot!!!!
There is not much you can do.. just keep coaxing him! You guys have a great time!!! good luck!

Answer 10

I think just about all men go through this. Thats if they care, he is going to make a good daddy just keep telling him not to worry everything will be fine. Mine went through this phase to and he will eventually get over it when he looks into those precious eyes of his newborn baby, good luck!