Drawing a line in the sand - torn between standing up for my husband and standing aside - which is right?

Question

EVERY single time my husband gets paid his ex wife is calling/emailing him wanting to know when the child support will be there. He has NEVER missed a payment and the child support goes through the state. It doesn't matter how many times he tells her 'Call the state, they'll know better than I do' - it doesn't stop her from calling again in two weeks. If he doesn't give her the answer she's looking for she withholds contact to his kids. Though I'm aware that she needs to be taken to court for contempt (for withholding the kids from him) what can be done in the meantime while the kids are being used as pawns? Should I just sit back and let her take advantage of my soft spoken husband? Let her play on his emotions time after time or stand up and defend him? I don't want to overstep my bounds - but at the same time I want to take a stand as his wife..I'm so torn. What would ~YOU~ do?

In a marriage - their problems DO concern the other person. I may not be in the right to step in and tell her off, but when he hurts because of something she's done it is very much ~my business~, it's just how I deal with it that is the question.

Answer 1

Well since your question is "what would YOU do," ill tell you...I would have to stand up for my husband. She may have been married to him before, but thats YOUR husband now. I get very offended when someone treats my husband badly. I get mad! When two people are married they become one, and when someone is hurting my husband they are hurting me and i surely feel it! Talk to your husband about it and tell him how you feel. Im a christian woman but i cant stand someone messin with my husband. Id tell that woman off for sure!

Answer 2

my daughter has in the past had serious problems with her husband's ex. the woman has caused all kinds of problems, making false accusations to the court, calling children's services with lies, having my son in law evaluated mentally, when it is clear that it is the ex who has the mental problems. the courts do nothing at all, really don't want to get involved. listen to the most ridiculous things, from clearly a woman who is not playing with a full deck, but still they do nothing to her. costs every time u go to court, usually must have an attorney and that costs also. the attorneys are in it for the money, so it is their best interest to get as many continuances as they can, as they get paid no matter if they resolve the problem or not, plus the cost of the mediator, not to mention the guardian addendum for the kids, who is like the children's council. just trying to show u that the courts do not care who does what, and the ex can cause as many problems as she wants, withold the kids, any number of things to irritate u. best to just accept this the way it is, if u find yourself in court, maybe she will take revenge and ask for her child support to be increased, maybe she will even make up a lie on u, painting u as the evil step mom, like what was done to my daughter. the mess continues, after many times with the mediator. best to keep your mouth shut if u know his ex, and know she likes to cause trouble.

Answer 3

Be proactive rather than reactive. If her calls are upsetting to you, then break the cycle. Let's say you know that she's going to call on Feb. 1 because your husband got paid on Jan. 31. Then, on Jan. 31, get your husband, and have him call her. Have him say, "I got paid today, so I'm calling to remind you that if you want to know when the child support will get to you, call the state. The number you can call is [insert here]. Bye, and tell the kids I love them for me." Then, hang up. You'll be shocked at how much better you feel when you take the initiative out of the crazy person's hands and put it into your own.

Answer 4

I'm certainly not soft spoken so she would not pull that on me.
In your case it apparently is a quality for which she takes advantage. If this is an on going problem perhaps you should ask him if he would care if you dealt with her. Then you could tell her in no uncertain terms that she will no longerbe permitted to call and ask for details she already knows. You could that if she persists you will suggest he will be going back to court to get the custody agreemant modified.
I think you should talk to him about it and get his approval first though.
Were it me, the first time she pulled that she would have been in court for contmpt. No way she ever keeps my kids from me.

Answer 5

You said it. You know you and your husband needs to take her to court for contempt and don't you know you do that you tell the judge how many and why she keeps calling the house. And can the judge order her to stop calling yes. She has already in contempt. So I think the courts will be in your favorite. You just need to do it. So standing up for your husband the right way.That's what I would do. Get your butt back in court. Your wasting time.

Answer 6

You need to remain calm first and foremost. She talks to him because she knows he won't do anything about it.
You should of course stand up for him and stand your ground. But it must be done delicately so she doesn't cause anymore problems. Talk to your attorney who handled the divorce. What she is doing is harrassment. She has no reason to contact him unless it is in regards to the children. Maybe you should start taking the calls instead of your husband. She will have a different attitude towards you then she will him. Its all about knowing your enemy. But first, I would contact the attorney!!!!

Answer 7

I'm going through the same thing with my husband and his ex~ only worse. She gets the child support, doesn't let him see the kids, and often accuses him of child abuse or molestation! (he has NEVER hurt his kids or touched them inappropriately; shes just being a b****) The few times that I have stepped in has only made it worse. Just step back and stand by your man. You have to let the fight be between them; not because it doesn't involve you, just because it makes things worse if you step in! Good luck, and you'll be in my prayers!

Answer 8

You need to stand up for him and you need the lawyer involved!
I do hate women that use the kids just to get what they want, an ex-sister in law is the same way. B----- totally! It would be bad if your husband didn't do his part but he is, and she needs to find out who the women of the house is as well. Put a stop to it!

Answer 9

You need to stand back and let him take it up with her . He also needs to talk to the clerk of courts and make them aware of this cause she is violating the custody agreement by allowing him no contact with the kids. That means that if this continues the clerk of courts should mail her a letter and remind her that violating a custody agreement could land her in jail .You just have to stand back for a little while and see what happens . You never know she could get thrown in jail and you guys could end up with the kids . Just ignore her big mouth and let your husband take care of it and ask him to please stop being a door mat for her and ask him to stand up to her . good luck .

Answer 10

If he has purely these days all started wanting slightly extra room or privateness, it skill he has something to disguise. i may be prepared to guess that his ex-spouse concept, and then chanced on an analogous element approximately him. Why do not you ask her approximately it it sluggish, if your dating is amicable. whilst privateness is a sturdy element, it is likewise conceivable which you overstepped the obstacles by deleting issues off of his very own sources without asking him approximately it first. i may be slightly miffed too if my husband observed something, made an assumption, and deleted archives without asking me. (notwithstanding if, with that being reported, I did these days delete a pair of telephone numbers off of his telephone without asking, yet it is because of the fact I caught him in a lie approximately those 2 specific human beings.) privateness and area are 2 countless issues, in my e book. area skill that i don't desire my husband respiratory down my neck 24/7 and that i choose slightly quiet time interior the tub, or maybe an afternoon with my terrific female pal, yet he's conscious the place i'm. He does know my whereabouts a variety of of the time, and if i will deviate from my generic schedule, I enable him know. it is purely common courtesy. privateness skill that i does not tell him the place i'm going, and in a marriage, it is purely not cool. while have confidence is violated in a marriage, there is not any room for privateness anymore till the violator can rebuild the have confidence s/he violated. all of it truly relies upon on notwithstanding if he's popular a sparkling trend of habit, or shown himself to be untrustworthy interior the previous. i might say to circulate with your gut in this one. Any guy who complains that his spouse is purely too nosy is as much as a minimum of something.