For I saw the faeries in the tree
Laughing at me mockingly
I could not stand his torment
He was beating me for his enjoyment
He is a part of me
He claws at my mind and I can only scream
My true self shall stay untold
My dark past Behold!
I do not enjoy what I am
I live it in shame
Known as the tiger no one can tame
What has hapened I cannot put behind
He shares with me my mind
But looking back now
I realized u helped me from the shadow
But for another girl you were gone
Ans from the light I was withdrawn
And now I hold in front of me
This dagger looks friendly
I am ready to say goodbye
When I realize something right
NO ONE CAN DIE TWICE
Note that I am 13 years old. Is this too good or too bad for my age?
2007-01-16 06:49:20 · 6 answers · asked by LizziFishie 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
It is a very deep poem for your age. I enjoy writing also. Maybe you can look at mine when you have time. Hey, I just made the sentence rhyme. You are very talented at such a young age. This poem sounds like a person in their higher teens would write. I sense a real struggle in your poem. Like, something is eating at your soul. I am very impressed, and you should be proud of yourself. Keep up the good work. Not very many people are interested beautiful things life has to offer. Always thank Jehovah God for all your gifts in Jesus Christ name.
2007-01-16 07:23:57 · answer #1 · answered by Rachelle D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is a good start. the poem lacks flow and congruency. First you start with several fairies mocking and then it turns into one. Yout true self is untold and then in the next line you say Behold! Are you hidding or revealing? I thnk you could use this as two poems. One you could finish the mocking fairy idea. and in the second fill in the beginning about what is going on and why you feel lost and with drawn from the light, and not real sure about the whole dagger thing, it seems kinda thrown in at the end. But it does have a certain idea that I like and the prestation is starting to take form. Revise it, don't waste words and say what you want to say and hit at what you want to hint at. it sound like you are trying to hard to be profound. Having something profound to say and it will flow. Don't try to force it. It is a good start and you have potential. The only way to get better is to keep writing, and please do so.
2007-01-16 07:03:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW!
What a terrifically expressive piece! This is tremendous for a young one such as yourself. KEEP WRITING! Congratulations!
Man . . . how moving. I'm impressed.
2007-01-16 06:56:22 · answer #3 · answered by Zeera 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
really good for ur age i like it im 15 and have yet to write one that good
2007-01-16 06:55:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I enjoyed reading it, quite good for your age!
2007-01-16 07:06:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Although I'm not much into poetry, I really like your work!
2007-01-16 06:58:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋