My girlfriend for awhile now has thought she was pregnant, and it just turned out she is. I've been reading books, so I know what to expect. However, before I even knew she was pregnant our relationship had started to decline. I have a ton of mixed feelings now, I am worried for her, I question my love for her, I just don't know really. I'm 19 and she's 18. We both have jobs, we both work 40 plus hour weeks. She is in college, I took the semester off. My love for her has started to fade, but the fact that she is pregnant scares me to death. We're to young to have children. She is on birth control. She uses the pill version. She is supposed to take it everday. I guess she didn't. But it's not her fault, It's mine too. I don't believe in abortion, but i believe in adoption....there are so many famillies who can't have kids. What should I do, what should we do?
2007-01-16 06:30:30 · 18 answers · asked by David 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
First of all, it is good to see that you are trying to be responsible about this despite your age. I think the two of you need to really sit down and talk about this. Include your parents if necessary - you will most likely be needing a lot of support from them over the next few months. They'll probably be angry about the situation, but should be willing to help. I think you should wait until the baby arrives before the two of you decide on adoption. Pregnancy can cause a lot of mixed feelings, especially when it is so unplanned. You should also try to work out your relationship, since pregnancy can put a lot of strain on any relationship, so now is really not the time to come to any conclusions about how you feel about your girlfriend. Also, be sure to invest in some condoms after the baby arrives, you never really know when a girl forgets her pill. Good luck with everything.
2007-01-16 06:40:20 · answer #1 · answered by Erika 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Dave,
I am sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult time. I would perhaps suggest some relationship counseling for both of you, not only to try and make things better, but to decide if bothof you want to work at the relationship, or is it time to move on? Having a little one on the way certainly will complicate things.
Both of you will need to consider the fact that the relationship is declining, that feelings are beginning to face, and look very realistically at being a single parent, and deciding if that is acceptable.
If you do decide that the adoption route is the one you are going to explore, I would love to hear from you. I am an adoptive Mom of an amazing five year old little boy. His biggest dream is to be a big brother. If I can answer any questions about us, or the adoption process, don't hesitate to contact me at jen1204ca@yahoo.ca
Take care, and I sincerely hope things work out well for you.
2007-01-17 18:57:02 · answer #2 · answered by calgaryjenhere 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well darlin' you made your bed so now you have to sleep in it. Too young or not, it's BOTH your "fault" that she is pregnant.
You're best bet is to discuss this with her. Adoption is a wonderful option. But you might discover that despite being so young, you want this baby. It is a miracle and yes it will change your life forever but sometimes, that isn't a bad thing.
This is a huge decision. But one you have to make. Sit down and talk to her. Tell her that you don't see yourself together and let her know if you want to be in the babies life or not. She may decide to keep this baby regardless of you.
The point is, be honest. It will do no one any good if you lie or hide your real feelings about this. Especially that innocent baby you are about to bring into this world. You have done an adult thing so now you must be an adult and handle it.
2007-01-16 09:03:43 · answer #3 · answered by barbiefreak518 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My biological mom was 15 and my dad was 19 at the time I was born, way back in the early 70's. I was adopted. Adoption is one option that you can do. If you are questioning your love for her, then I would sit down and talk to her. Tell her your feelings about of your emotions. Tell her how you feel about everything.
You may contact a Birthright counsellor, about all the possible options that you can do. Go to the link below, there is information and a 1-800 number you can call, for options. They will help you get ready for a new arrival, and offer you referals to resources as well.
I wish you all the best in your decision. Take care.
http://www.birthright.com/
2007-01-16 06:44:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You got to talk to her, and tell her how you feel. Believing in adoption is a good thing, but maybe she wont want to give the baby up? See, hard thing for the man is a woman gets the ultimate say. You should of been wearing condoms to avoid pregnancy. Just because she's pregnant, you do not have to stay with her. But, you will have to be responsible for that child at least until he/she turns 18. You might be too young in your own mind now.. but what's done is done.
2007-01-16 06:42:10 · answer #5 · answered by ~*Isabel*~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're having anxiety about your girlfriend being pregnant is normal. As for fading love... i think you mean fading lust... there's a HUGE difference that if you had of given youself a little more time (maybe when you were done college) you'd understand. Those lovey dovey feelings come and go even in the best of relationships. Just get over them. Plus you'll have to pay for the baby anyway so I wouldn't suggest leaving now. As for putting the baby up for adoption... you'd do that just cause you don't "feel" like being with your gf anymore? I think you should just relax and ask your gf if she's having any anxiety about the pregnancy, you might find she's feeling he same way about you, and about this baby.
2007-01-16 06:37:49 · answer #6 · answered by Gig 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You both should discuss the option of adoption, like adults. You are both very young & yes it is both your faults. You need to talk with her.
Also Love is a choice, not a feeling. I don't always feel love for my husband but I chose to love him anyway! You need to understand love a little better.
"Love is very patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, never haughty or selfish or rude. Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong. It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out. " (1 Corinthians 13:4-6) That is what God has to say about love... All of it is actions you either chose to do or not! Reguardless of how you feel!!!
2007-01-16 06:44:10 · answer #7 · answered by Boppysgirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first off, you're not too young to have kids. You're too young to be having adult relationships that can result in them. There is no "old enough to make babies, but not old enough to raise them". Thats a false concept, and one you need to change before you jump in the sack with a woman again. You can go on for a long time, but sooner or later sex will result in a baby. Something you have come to terms with already...
Even taken perfectly, one in one hundred women get pregnant on the pill every year.
Of course adoption is your best option if you dont want to raise your son/daughter yourself. Some times the biggest act of selflessness for a child is adoption.
As for the love for your girlfriend fading, its pretty impossible for that to just up and happen. Love is a choice. You fall in "love" or adoration with someone because of your initial attraction to them, but you stay in love with them because you choose to. You can decide to love her and this baby come hell or high water, or you can not. Thats your choice and its perfectly fine what you decide. You cannot change her will to love you however. Thats her own choice to make.
This is why even married people cant stay together, they dont understand that love isnt something that happens, its not easy, and its not some magical feeling that you just up and wake up with one morning. Its work. Its hard, it drives you insane, but in the end you have all these feelings for some one that you know you couldnt be whole without. Thats a choice.
I think you both should sit down and decide what you both want to do about your situation, and then make the best decision based on what you have to offer to the child you made who has no choice at all in the situation. If thats adoption, then do it without fear or guilt knowing you're offering that baby the very best. And trust me, there are many MANY loving parents waiting to adopt. That child will have love and a safe place to grow.
2007-01-16 06:41:57 · answer #8 · answered by amosunknown 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I understand that your scared, but the person you really need to be talking to about this is your girlfriend. I know what you believe in, but what is her view on options. I want you to know that the way you feel about any decision she makes about the pregnancy is really more of a suggestion. Bottom line is its her body and she has the power to make any choice she wants without your permission. I think that if you are feeling like this relationship is something that you dont want to be in then you need to be honest with her. Prolonging the truth will only make matters worse. Just talk to her! Be honest with her about how you feel and what you want from her and your relationship. Good luck!
2007-01-16 06:43:20 · answer #9 · answered by Topaz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ultimately it will be a decision you two will have to make. I know there are a lot of pro choice rs out there. They'll tell you its okay to choose so. Adoption is a wonderful choice. A baby can't fix a failing relationship. If you want to be together then I would suggest counseling and in the future don't get caught.
2007-01-16 06:36:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋