ok i have never had an orgasim. my fiance thinks its him. but its not. he has one everytime we have sex. but nothing for me. and i dont want to fake it, he would know. i just want to know why i cant have one. i almost have one but then all the intensity goes away. im just confused. please help.
serious answers only.
2007-01-16 06:19:37 · 34 answers · asked by avery's mommy 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's not unusual for women. It took me probably 10 years, two divorces and many partners to get to an orgasm, and even then, it wasn't what it's cracked up to be. I'll take a good dinner over it any day of the week.
2007-01-16 06:24:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sara, there's nothing wrong with you that time and a bit of education for you and your fiance won't fix.
Not all women can have an orgasm easily. In fact, it's not easy for a woman to orgasm strictly from intercourse at all.
My wife has the same problem and we've been married over 30 years now. We agreed long ago to let her guide the process. Sometimes she needs more foreplay than others and we've just learned to be more honest with each other. It's actually turned out to be a lot of fun. I've gotten to try things that I wold never have thought she would have liked. :)
You may also just be trying to hard. If you tense up and try to make it happen it will just go away.
Anyway, get your guy to try more foreplay, oral, etc. And once you hit he can jump on and ride the wave. Or try "you on top" - that seems to be the easiest way for my wife to get over. Plus, he can play while you do the work... It's a blast!
Most of all... DO NOT FAKE IT. No man would appreciate that.
2007-01-16 06:40:49 · answer #2 · answered by Tim B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My wife went through this as well. It took three years of us being together before she had an orgasm. First of all, you're putting too much pressure on yourself. It will happen when your body is ready to let it happen. Women's bodies are a lot more complicated than men's bodies. The rules are just much different. After a while, my wife had heard somewhere that she had probably already had an orgasm without even realizing it. This relaxed her and put her at ease. That, along with learning how to masterbate, helped her get there eventually. But, she says she enjoys sex whether she has an orgasm or not, which I think is important.
2007-01-16 06:49:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
By this point you're probably spending so much time worrying whether you'll have an orgasm or not that you're not fully feeling and experiencing everything that's happening that would help an orgasm. Can you have an orgasm with self-pleasure or oral stimulation or such? You may consider self-stimulation during normal sex to heighten your feelings which should help you reach orgasm. Not all women can have an orgasm through traditional sex, especially when half of the sex is spent worrying about it. Just relax, enjoy what you do feel and hopefully it will turn into something more- if not explore other ways of reaching orgasm.
2007-01-16 06:25:41 · answer #4 · answered by Lil Gal 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It could be any number of things, not the least of which being something that is mentally holding you back. Maybe you were taought that sex before marriage is wrong and you unconsciously feel guilty, maybe you are worried about getting pregnant and are not totally in the moment... those are just examples, but seriously sit down and think about it. It may just take time before you both are able to figure out what will finally throw you over the edge. Try to relax and not put too much pressure on yourself!
2007-01-16 06:26:05 · answer #5 · answered by mluikart 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nothings wrong
some women try to convince others that some women just dont orgasm and not during intercourse and bla bla bla
but its all bullcrap
you can and you will, just by the fact that you are showing this much interest im positive you will
the fastest way to learn to come during sex is to get a little bullett style vibrator and hold it in between your clit and your boyfriends pubic bone while you have sex, it allows you to be closer for the sake of intimacy and he will get to slow down and relax a little which will help him delay his moment a little.
if you want you can remove it a little sooner each time till you can climax without it at all but why bother, once your guy realizes he can make you *** like crazy, several times with minimal effort he's gonna feel like a porn star and he wont object to it for long even if he is petrified of vibrators to begin with.
let the water run on your clitoris in the bathtub til you ***, and make your guy learn to do it orally.
honestly, for me there is no reason to start having sex with a woman til she has at least 1 orgasm from oral first.
2007-01-16 06:37:22 · answer #6 · answered by THEMENACE47 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have some very good answers already from women who have had to work through the same dilemma, my answer is an add on to theirs. Lack of orgasm for a woman is 90% psychological and 10% physiological. If you can pleasure yourself to an orgasm then that pretty much rules out the latter. If not, you might want to discuss this with your OBGYN. To me it sounds more psychological because you can get close, just not all the way there.
My suggestion is to find a clinical hypnotist in your area and make an appointment. Many of the issues we face psychologically are mental blocks, taboos, etc., placed in our heads because of issues in our past or fears that we are not consciously aware of. A good clinical hypnotist can bring your subconscious thoughts in balance with your conscious thoughts. Their suggestive commands to your subconscious can free you from whatever block is there.
I know all that sounds kind of weird, but hypnosis helped my life dramatically, it is definitely worth a try in this situation. At least through a hypnotist they can tell you if they feel your lack of orgasm is mentally problematic or not. Usually hypnosis only takes one or two appointments to be successful.
Rest assured that I wouldn't suggest this route if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes and experienced it in my own life. Peace!
2007-01-16 06:52:08 · answer #7 · answered by Blood 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't stress-you're not alone! My girl is the same way and I feel so inadequate! BUT, there is a lot of info online on the subject. Stress, depression, physical ailment, past trauma can all hinder womens sexual experiencs. Also, we ALWAYS have one. We're guys! The questions are; How old are you two; does he stop as soon as he comes;how quick is he; do you masterbate and come(if not WHY not); have you talked to a doctor OB/GYN( there are lots of things! Maybe you have a hooded clitoris;easily fixed! Maybe your guy needs to do you better;easily fixed!) Dont give up, rub one out and if u cant see a doc! try Thebigvagina.com
2007-01-16 06:33:38 · answer #8 · answered by Mike Oxard 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, try not to think about it so much. Sex is all in the mind you know! Sure your organs give you all the great sensations, but your mind needs to be into the right thoughts. Have you had oral sex done to you a lot? You should have your bf try that for awhile. They say it takes some women up to 7 min. just to start getting hot. Of course their are exceptions. Make your surroundings appropriate-music, candles.....Don't give up, it's there, you just need more patience....
2007-01-16 06:30:27 · answer #9 · answered by sue d 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not a single thing. I've read that this is a very common problem, even for myself. I don't fake anything either; you do what feels right etc.Bfs that I've been with including one now knows and understands =) I've learned to live with it really =) I'm just extremely sensitive if you know what I mean. My doctor did state it's possible to be that way and ya just live with it and work around things. Good luck!
2007-01-16 06:25:59 · answer #10 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋