I think I screwed up and made one of my coworkers mad...?

Question

I think I may have broken the trust of my coworker, "Cathy". She mentioned in confidence to me that she was thinking about leaving her job because she was frustrated. I mentioned to "Sally" (a coworker and friend) that I was worried about Cathy because she seemed frustrated with work, and said that I was worried that she might think about leaving if the frustration continued. I did not say anything about Cathy confiding anything in me, nor did I flat out say that she was leaving or even that she had said she was thinking about leaving. Apparently, Sally mentioned my conversation with her to Cathy today, and distorted some of the conversation we had. Cathy is really mad at me (sent me an email). I don't feel like I broke the confidence, but I've been wrong before.

Did I infact break the confidence Cathy confided in me? I have to see both of them today. What should I say? Should I say anything? Should I trust Sally again? What should I do to make this up to Cathy?

Answer 1

I think you should apologize very humbly in person (not email) Walk into her office and tell her how sorry you are that in hindsight you probably should not have said anything, but your intentions weren't to betray a confidence. Tell her that you weren't thinking clearly at the time when you mentioned it, it didn't seem like you were doing anything other than being concerned about her, but looking back you realize that you had poor judgement. Don't give any excuses or try to defend yourself any further than that. That in my opinion is the best way to smooth things over. Then, be careful what you say to Sally. Don't get so hung up over who's right or wrong, because all parties involved will never see the same situation from the same perspective. What matters is that Cathy thinks you betrayed her.

Answer 2

It is important to keep information that people tell you confidential unless you have their ok to talk to other people about it, especially when someone is confiding in you about something personal. (This includes excluding from using the information in the form of an opinion if it is given by someone in confidence).

You have broken the trust that you had between you and your co-worker. Her anger is understandable. You cannot take back what you said. You can only work to regain the trust and confidence of your fellow co-worker.

You also asked whether or not you should "trust Sally again." The question isn't whether or not you should trust Sally, but whether or not you should trust yourself with someone else's information. You broke Cathy's trust first, not Sally.

Cathy also probably feels really hurt, because you were talking about her behind her back, something no one wants to experience.

I suggest that you try to smooth things over by pulling Cathy aside when she is alone (not in front of other people) and tell her that you were wrong for doing what you did. Don't try to justify what you did (because you were in the wrong), but tell her that you were wrong for doing those things and that you are sorry. Tell her that you are sorry for causing her trouble and that although it might be awhile before she can trust you again, that you would like to work towards regaining that trust.

We all make mistakes sometimes that we wish we never had. Just make the best of your situation and also use it as a learning experience of what not to do in the future. I hope that things work out between you and your co-worker. Best wishes. :)

Answer 3

You did break the confidence. Because she asked you not to say anything and you told Sally the same thing, but in different words.

Just confront Cathy and apologize. Tell her how you said it to the other girl. You guys all work together so you're gonna have to get past it.

Answer 4

I think you should talk to Cathy or email her, apologize, and let her know how bad you feel. You can basically repeat what you just said on here. I dont think you should have said anything to Sally because regardless of whether or not you actually repeated what she said...you still started the rumors flying. As for trusting Sally...maybe she is just close to Cathy and was just trying to protect her from you? I dont know. I think you should talk to her also. then stay away from office gossip.

Answer 5

Unless you work with these people on a daily basis I would just skip it. It's like putting oil on the fire.
No matter what you say you will be wrong, its coworkers not members of the family. You will never make up for it so why try?
People move in and out of jobs so quickly when Cathy leaves you won't have to worry about it anymore anyways.

Answer 6

you should have minded your own business. i'm sure you were just trying to help cathy by telling sally about her frustrations, however, it's cathy's responsibility to speak up at work.

sally may have just gone to cathy and mentioned "hey, how are things going. i heard that you've been frustrated lately."

just her saying that...which isn't distorting your conversation, can lead cathy to think you told sally information.

really, when it comes to work....just listen to others and only speak on your own behalf.
often times people just blow off steam and i know i wouldn't want my boss to know what i have to say when he isn't around. not that it's really bad, but it's just venting my frustrations. if i had a real problem, then i would tell him or i would find another job.

same goes for any co-worker that is frustrated about work. they will either speak up for themselves or find something else.

take care.

Answer 7

Apologize to cathy and don't share things with sally unless you want the world to know. everyone with friends has suffered this at sometime in life so don't go to pieces over it. time will heal the hurt feelings so keep speaking to cathy but don't run up her butt

Answer 8

You need to be a little more discreet, especially when dealing with people at work. At the office, you have no friends.

Answer 9

Yes, you broke the trust.

All you can do is apologize and tell her you were only trying to help.

Then, stop being a gossip.

Answer 10

that is something that people dont want the whole world to know. job related matters are sensitive. YES YOU WERE WRONG. are you a cancer by the way?