What would you do?

Question

Ok, so here's the story and please do your best to follow along as it is about as ugly and muddy as it can be.

I owned a company which started small and exploded into a big monster, one in which I worked around the clock. In the meantime, my wife and I had two kids, a house and all the fixing's, but we became very disconneted.

To be fair and honest and run the risk of being "boo'd" by you all, I had an affair with a co-worker that started small and grew over time into a relationship.

My wife found out and we agreed to work it out and stay together, but I worried about our future after this ugly event and she would shut down from time to time, even with professional help.

I would bounce back and fourth with each of them and I honestly lived a life in termoil even after the affair, never wanting to say goodbye to my family.

Now the house is sold, I'm with the girlfriend and I can't say goodbye. I'm just getting "it" now it seems and my wife is now at a different place ..

Thanks to all that took the time to think about the answer, rather than react ... I admit my faults, but out of respect for my ex-wife did not post how I felt or how our marriage became disconneted.

Instead, I just wanted to hear what others had to say about where I am now, not the usual "you made your bed" response.

Thanks to all who answered

Answer 1

Dear Adam, you've got yourself in an awkward place. The first question is to ask yourself what it is you really want to do. If you're having trouble with that question, then go inside yourself, ask yourself who you really are, what is really important to you and are you honoring yourself by making these choices. You learned to make decisions, and choices, when working. So you know how to do it. Just apply the same approach to your personal life...and be sure to be honest, and without judgment. You did the best you could in your work and in your relationship. Your wife is doing the best she can. If you were to decide you want your wife back, then work for it. If you decided you want your girlfriend, then work on that. Whatever you do, remember you will ALWAYS be the father of two kids...so honor them, love and protect them, give them lots of hugs and don't ever let them become the basis of a fight between you and your spouse. Good luck.

Answer 2

What do you mean your wife is at a different place now ? Do you mean in living status or in her feelings towards your relationship with her? ......And i wasn't quite sure which part you had problems letting go...the girlfriend life or family life ? I guess not knowing those answers, i'll give it my best shot....I recommend taking time away from the girlfriend and the wife so you can evaluate your truest feelings without anyway getting in the way by telling you how much they love you (to your face or trying to jump your bones) do a little soul searching...

Answer 3

I've always been one to say, Love can conquer all. But if you cheated on her, that's not love. Love doesn't hurt or even RISK the chance of losing what you had. You just realized too late. She gave you a second chance, and it apparently didn't work. Move on, learn from your mistakes, and do your best to make it up to her (as a friend) and your kids.
I've never cheated, but I did realize TOO late once, that I didn't give as much as he needed at the time. And I knew it!! I learned my lesson when we broke up, and I saw myself from a different perspective.

Answer 4

It seems like you brought a lot of pain to your family. Leave them to heal and try to be a good dad and a friend to your wife since it doesn't seem like you were a good husband. Life can still be good after a divorce, if you treat each other fairly.

Answer 5

Life can be unfair and it is a learning lesson. The affair didnt have to happen, even if she was throwing it in your face. You chose to have the affair and now you will live your life without your kids. What a shame.

Answer 6

when you married your wife and had kids did you ever think of what you were throwing away, did you even think of the vows you made to your wife when you married? To be honest i think what you did was wrong but you really need to leave that girl and go back to your family because think of what your children will be thinking about you, and how they will turn out. and their futures as well as yours.

Answer 7

Tht sounds horrible. No one must be like that. Or need to manage that. I wager both finish it or attempt to get him to detect how dangerous hes gotten. There is a few critical persona issues there.

Answer 8

You made your bed, you lie in it! what an a$#hole you are! She was at home taking care of your childern and THAT is how you repay her? I hope she takes you to the cleaners.
Oh and remember what goes around comes around. She and them children are better to not be around that kind of behavior. You and your "girlfriend" should be ashamed

Answer 9

Hope the puzzie was worth it!

Good Job! You lost your family!

Answer 10

the grass isn`t greener on the other side, bro

and it sucks

any possibility of talking to her?