how do i get my fiance to do chores around the house?

Question

ok, my fiance and i have been living together for about 10 months...his friend lives with us as a roommate to share the bills. i am a clean freak...when we moved in i told them i dont mind doing most of the house work but since there are three of us i wouldnt do it all. (b/c we arent married yet and our roommate is not my kid-obviously) between the two of them i gave two chores...to load/run the dishwasher and to take out the trash. they wont do it until i turn into what they call "mega *****" sometimes the trash will sit by the door for like 3 weeks and they wont take it out. the dishes never get done and then when someone finally does it they try to blame me for there being smelly mold growing. wtf?! my list of chores that i have no problem doing are: vacuuming, dusting, getting the mail, cleaning the bathrooms, cooking, laundry, making our bed, feeding the cat, litter box, etc. they come home and dont do anything. i work full time as do they...what is wrong with them? what do i do?

Answer 1

Whats wrong with them? They are men with a maid, I don't think they have a problem. If it were me, I'd be taking picutres of their mess and sending it to their mothers.

Answer 2

Here's my two cents my friend. First, while the other posters certainly mean well, it isn't possible to ascertain that he was spoiled by his mother, is self-centered, or anything else from a short description you posted on an online forum. However, I certainly agree that the situation needs to be addressed. Someone else mentioned counseling. I strongly agree. Before making a life-altering decision, you should at least ensure that you have explored other avenues. Perhaps he is afraid of confronting your illness and is avoiding dealing with his feelings by acting the way he is. Perhaps he resents you for the illness. There are many possibilites. I would suggest that you approach him in a non-confrontational manner and address your concerns and why you want to seek counseling. Be calm and measured, but be firm. If he absolutely refuses to address your concerns or to attend counseling, only then would I consider leaving. I wish you the best, and hope all works out for you. Keep your head up.

Answer 3

Oh Honey, I have lived a long life and no way would I allow myself to be in your situation.
You have 2 losers there and you are working all the time. That is ridiculous. I don't know what you want to do, but you must do something.
This can't be exciting to come home to. My advice is leave or show them the door, NOW !!! Depending on whose place it is.

I think if you could live without the extra cash that you and your boyfriend may be able to try and communicate a plan that is more pleasing. You think, Maybe ?? Right now,he has himself a little friend to hang out with.. ~~~~Whatever !!!!
I hope I have given a little incite into this absolute ridiculous
ABUSE.~~~Good Luck~~~~~~

Answer 4

OK, no guys are going to like this question or answer but, I am the same way , my b/f and i have lived together at least 8 months and its just us two but i am the one who does the most cleaning, I'm the one who cares the MOST, one way i don't loose my mind is i just ASK my b/f if he will help me clean because the house is a mess and i can't stand when it is messy , so then he either helps me clean, or cleans while i am at work, If that doesn't work He doesn't appreciate you and they are just using you because you are letting them. The others are right you just might have to move out or do something drastic to let them know you mean business.
Just make sure to ask and not be the megab****.

Answer 5

I am a clean freak too!! So I know exacly how you feel. I am also an organization freak, everything has to be organized!!
But since you tried asking them nicely I would suggest that you tell them again how you feel. Tell them that you can't stand things to be messy and how you feel when they get like that (I know I feel all anxious around messes). After you have made it clear how you really feel about cleaning, you need to tell them that if they don't help you with the chores then you won't be able to do certain things for them. What I mean by this is that only if they do their part will you cook for them, do their laundry, and get their mail. You can still do these things for yourself, just not for them.
I did this myself and I know it worked for me and I hope it works for you!!

Answer 6

Maybe you could tell him that his friend will have to go if he can't do one simple thing. Tell him that you wouldn't turn into a mega ***** if he did what he was supposed to. I have this argument time and time again with my husband. I will literally set the garbage on the stairs to the door so that he will get the very obvious hint to take it out. You'd think that worked...ha yeah right. Walks right over it. Men are oblivious to everything ...unless it's a woman or ESPN....Maybe you should tape a naked picture of a woman on the garbage and then I bet he'd notice it. But that wouldn't be good because he most likely wouldn't take it out. lol It's tough because I've been battling my husband since we met about this and nothing has worked! Let me know if something you find works...I'm sure all us women would love to know

Answer 7

i hear your problem i have three sometimes four roommates and my husband .....none of them clean..they think emptying the sink is a big task....and my boyfriend has the nerve to even say at time oh its getting messy we better clean it knowing damn well i am cleaning it not him.....i hate this sh*t......oh but when he does he thinks a medal should be awarded....yup the trash think hear that too...i took down our Christmas tree alone dragged the heavy bastard out side ...and that's where it sits no one has thought to take it to the curd .....so i guess ill have to do that too..and if i dont do the trash it just really dont get done....he will take out one bag and ....not touch the trash in the garage from the week prior that no one removed..and the trash in our bathroom in the bedroom......its never ending...i trusted him to clean for a holiday party we were having but he didn't even vac the stairs at all ..dust toilet bowl wasn't cleaned.......I'm not sure what he did do...lol...so if you get ne good help pass it onto me...please.....and i would like to add that my one roomate is a woman and she doesnt lift a finger....no dinner no cleanning never has taken out trash......she does laundry...hers....and her bf's now but that was even something that she just started doing last few months.........i feel like a mommmy to a bunch of grown idiots ....oh and i work fulltime as well....

Answer 8

I think the question here is what is wrong with you. Don't get me wrong, I understand your frustration, no doubt. They are slobs. But you are the one who cares. They say that the person who cares least has the most power. You are not going to change them. You need to understand it. They are reaping the benefits of all you are doing, yet they contribute nothing to it. Maybe you should consider moving out and getting your own place. Either that or you need to get rid of the roomate. That way you only have yourself and your fiance to deal with. With the roomate out of the living arangement, your fiance might be more likely to do more around the house. You could even offer him incentives to do more around the house than just the two things you require of him. If he won't do more to help than you need to consider if this is something you can live with or not. Once you are married, it's not going to suddenly change. Trust me on that.

Answer 9

If you work too, and do the majority of the cleaning then they need to respect you as an equal room mate and at least do those two little chores. If not, I'd leave...I hate being more than fair and getting walked over and I wouldn't stand for it.

Answer 10

I am sorry to say this, but in a way you sound like a room service to me, like you are slaving ... are you really truly positively sure you want to do this on and on (nothing is wrong with them ,they are just taking advantage, so I have my doubts if it's possible to make the roommate help...)