Is this my fault?

Question

Over the weekend me and my fiancée told my mom that we were getting married, well it didnt go over to well and my girl and mom had some words and kinda fell out over the situation. My fiancée is upset because she dosent think that i stood up for her and my mom is upset because she thinks that i let my fiancée disrespect her. Now my mom says that as long as im with my future wife that she dosent want to be apart of my life anymore. I have no clue what to do and i need help. I havent gotten any sleep since this has happened and cant really think about anything else. Any Ideas

Answer 1

Well, did your girlfriend and mom get along before you made this announcement? What could they have possibly said to one another that could have caused them to fall out? Need more details.

I'm guessing that there were issues between them before you announced your engagement. It's hard to say if you're at fault because I don't know what it was that you were supposed to defend. Frankly, I think it's very childish for your Mom to pull a power play and threaten not to speak with you. Also, if this is how your fiance responds when she feels you're not being supportive, maybe you should reconsider marrying her.

Are you disappointed with their behavior? If so, you need to tell them both. Tell your fiance that you need to talk about what happened and find better ways to communicate; what was she expecting you to do? How were you supposed to respond? Did she consider that you may have been shocked and blown away by how it all went down?

Tell your mom that you are disappointed that she thinks so little of your relationship. You are an adult, and while she may not agree with your decisions, she has to respect you as her son. She should not throw out statements like that unless she's willing to live with the consequence of you not being in her life. Tell her it was a mean, spiteful comment to make and you don't appreciate it.

Honestly? I'd put some space between the two of them and consider what your future will be. If you decide to marry your girlfriend, your mom will always be your mother; they're going to have to grow up.

Answer 2

Your in a bad situation; and it wasn't even your fault. The two most important people in your life is putting you in a bad situation.

Your girl should be honerable and apologize to your mother. In fact, no matter what happened; she should not of let herself get into an argument with your mother to begin with. Not saying your mother was perfect through this; but your girl should of had enough snap not to bounce back offensively. If it didn't go over too well; your girl should of retreated out of the line of fire.
Parents react badly sometimes especially when thier children is involved. Not always right in reaction; and often make mistakes. I'm sure your mother would like to rewind time as well; or she will after she realizes the spot that your in.

Sorry Dude; bad situation.

Answer 3

sounds like you are stuck between a rock and a hard place... Someone once told me that once you get married that is your number one family and your parents should come second... I feel what your mom said to you was an empty threat anyway. She wants to have you not marry the woman you love and to say that she wouldnt be a part of your life if you did marry your fiancee is very selfish. I trust that she will eventually come around, after all she is your mother and she will realize that your happiness is more important than a stupid fight with your future bride. Good luck and congrats!!

Answer 4

If you are very sure that your fiancee is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with then she's your family and not your other family. I think you should have had a stronger piece in the confrontation. You need to let your mom know how you feel because life will continue to go on. Mom is upset because she feels you are leaving her for good which I know is not the case. Your mom will have to get over it. If you are a spiritual person then I suggest prayer.

Answer 5

You cannot live your life for your mother. You are a grown man and if you love your fiance' then marry her, and to hell with what your Mom thinks. All bets are that your Mom will come around sooner or later. Don't let your mother bully you into letting go of the woman who makes you happy. Learn to defend your future wife. This is important and will be a sore spot in your marriage if you don't start to defend her now. Good luck.

Answer 6

Talk to your mom, tell her that you intend to marry your girl and you want her in your life, that if shes right, you will need her support when things break up, and if shes wrong, she is needlessly cutting herself off from you and your eventual children, her grandchildren. If this draw fire from her, you know shes not so much concerned with your well being as she is concerned with herself. You were there, you have a pretty good idea if your mother overreacted or if she was overbearing with your fiancee. If you are ever to have harmony in marriage, you take your wife's side when she is right, always, and you take you wife's side, sometimes, when she not. Its your mothers decision to be part of your life or not, and if shes making a stand like this now she doesn't care about your happiness, just her pride.

Answer 7

I guess my question would be why doesn't your mom like your fiancee? Is it a valid reason for this? If it's for no reason at all just b/c she doesn't like her,then I think your mother is wrong for saying she didn't want to be apart of your life because of who YOU choose to marry. I totally understand how you feel b/c it would be hard for me to be with someone my family hates. The thing is I trust my family and if they dislike someone that strongly then I know something is up with that person. You need to get to the bottom the real probably. If your not that close to your family then I guess it doesn't matter one way or the other.

Answer 8

Mothers are meant to say thing that they don't mean when they're upset. When she said that she won't have nothing to do with u--trust me nothing like that will happen in 100 yrs to come. She's just upset.

On the other hand, ur girl disrespecting ur mum is a very bad thing to do. Tell her to apologise to ur mum. That would at least clear up the situation and everyone would be back together. Let ur mum know that u luv her and ur fiance and choosing between two people that u luv is not fair.

Answer 9

I hate to tell you this but you are not marrying your mother. Yes family's blood is thicker than water, she raised you and made you who you are but there comes a time when you need to let all that go and become a family on your own. Your mother is wrong for not accepting the person you love and have let into your life. She shouldn't have said what she did. I think you should let your mother know it hurt you and she should stand by your decisions. Good luck and I hope it all works out the way you want it.

Answer 10

Sometimes this has nothing to do with who is right or wrong and it can plague a marriage. Shortly after the ceremony I wasn't thinking and referred to my paycheck as my money in the presence of my M-n-L. She jumped all over me for being selfish etc. I told her it was none of her business how her son and I handled our money and she should stop talking to me as though I was a brat. My H and my F-n-L both told her to drop it and she took it as them taking my side against her...in her mind the battle lines were drawn.
We were both wrong and we were both right. She should have listened to my explanation and I should not have said some of the things I said. My husband did nothing to help sort it out so the next time we got together we could both make our apologies. For the remaining 12 years of our marriage she treated me like the brown stuff when we were alone. I don't think my husband believed me when I asked for his help to get her to lighten up on me.
You need to talk to your mother about the "go over too well" part and help her see her error in not immediately accepting YOUR choice. You also need to speak to your fiancee as to any error she made. You must tell them separately that they must apologize to each other for arguing. The subject of which is better left forgotten.
You must understand your mother is due respect but once you marry your wife will be your highest priority. If either of them disparrages the other in your presence you need to nip it in the bud immediately. You must always respectfully present to your mother a united front with your wife.