How to be more open..?

Question

My fiance and I have been together for 5 years. We have 2 beautiful children. Even though we have a ton of common intrests, we are very different. He is sort of "hippy" and I come from a very 'sophisticated' family. I'm always worried about what kind of clothes I have, never causing any 'bad attention' for my family, making sure everyone thinks we have this perfect relationship. I guess I am a perfectionist and it is driving my fiance insane. I wish I could just let go and be free to live a little and not care what everyone else thinks. Sometimes I think about him and his ex wife and get jealous because they look so right together. She has the same free spirit that he does and I would give anything to have that too.

I would appreciate any advice

Answer 1

First of all don't compare yourself to his ex-wife. They broke up for a reason and just remember that he has chosen to be with you, and still is. You probably add balance to his life. Value yourself and what you bring to his life. Be more accepting of who you are and don't try to be someone else. It sounds like you have great fashion sense, and a very classy demeanour. Allow your fiance to teach you how to be more open. Enjoy the experience of learning from him. My guess is that you bring a touch of class to his existence and he brings a sense of freedom to your spirit...a good combination...so please don't fret.

Answer 2

I wondered why u are not married with children already If u care so much about what others think? I have a son who has been in a livein relationship for 8 years ,she has 3 children from her x.They are all in the navy now .Hard for my son but are ok now moreso.This may work for some but I don't think for many.Money was their reason. I Love my Daughter-InLaw but wish they were married. I have lived 42 years with my second husband &only have the one son by him.He raised my two daughters from ages 3&5.He was always worried about what others think .He says he doen't but I know different.He always made me feel I was not in his upperclass of people.I have found out though, that it is not him doing that to me ,but myself.I feel I am the perfectionist and he is more the free spirit. I have allways cared what others think.This is not what is or makes a free spirit though.Why do you think their are so many people on hard drugs?All wanting to be a free Spirit is what I think.I allways wanted to please my husband same as you.He knows that about me and Loves me for it.Your actions toward him are the ones that count.Opposants attract they say.When you are with him & others are around also just trully listen to what they are saying ¬ your thoughts.This will put you into all conversation even if you don"t say a word, because people pick up on your smile or frown if you are interested in them and what their oppionions are.Try not to be such a quick judge of others on what they wear or say.Trust in you to know what is is, & let your instincts be your guide on their kindness, because I think this is the virture everyone really needs. Hope I have said a thing or two that may help. As they say will it matter in 5 years? Is a good way to analize things.

Answer 3

Trust me when I say you are not the only one who feels a need to be "perfect". Lots of people are in your position.

In some ways, I have let go of some of my need for perfection. For example, I used to feel like everywhere I went, I had to look really nice. I would put on lipstick, wear what I felt had to be a cute outfit, made sure that every strand of hair had to be in place, and even wore high-heel shoes practically everyday, especially in high school.

I let some of that go because after a while I began to feel that there was no need for it. I guess I just stopped caring what I thought other people were saying and thinking about me. And it is so much more comfortable and requires a lot less effort when you can just be your natural self. I don't think that putting an end to trying to be perfect will be easy; it does take time because it is a habit. Just know that you have to change your attitude about it, then change some of your behavior. Know that there is an appropriate time and place for 'perfection', so to speak. Know when to put forth the extra effort. Don't let the desire for perfection consume every aspect, everyday of your life.

Answer 4

You cannot change who you are unless you really don't care for who you currently are and want change within yourself. Change from within begets outward change. It sounds as though you envy what he and his ex shared and feel you must try to recreate the exact same thing with him that they shared. Every relationship is different and no two can ever be truly alike.

Just be happy with who you are and life will work itself out around you.