does anyone try their best to like them but just can't,I swear i sometimes try but i can't help how i feel...she is so petted and spoiled and doesn't listen to a word i say and i feel like this is my house not hers and when she is here i have to respect her so why can't she act decent she is almost five so she knows when she acts this way its wrong...my hubby is very supportive and makes her listen but i still just can't bond with her because i just dislike her attitude...oh well i have to live with this situation for the rest of my life and i love my husband very much so i have to find someway to make it work without liking her because i don't know if that will ever happen but i don't want to make her miserable while she is here either...i need some advice
2007-01-16 05:10:50 · 20 answers · asked by samwise25 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
and people who want to be mean and smart don't bother if you don't have stepkids and kids of your own u don't know what your talking about
2007-01-16 05:17:40 · update #1
i have a six year old that comes on the same weekend the sd comes and she has busted my daughters nose and treated her like crap so there are reasons why this is not working.....its not just me being childish i have a three month old also and she is not going to treat my kids like crap period....
2007-01-16 05:19:33 · update #2
I went through the same thing with my stepdaughter who is now 8 and I met her when she was 4 and you know its hard for kids...they want to be the center of attn. so when they see their dad giving you attn they will act out so they get it too
Shell grow out of it and youll learn a way to accept her and I promise you guys will get along it took us about a year and now she calls me mom ...and that in its self was a big step..
Just keep being a "mom" and let her dad do the disciplin it works better that way
And the people who are giving you crap must not have step kids
2007-01-16 05:52:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey, I can sympathise with your problem,this little girl is only 5yrs,just a baby realy and at the age where children demand lots of attention oblivious of there parents needs. So you have the situation; you have her daddy, her daddy has a new family and this little girl is most likely feeling very pushed out and jealous. Therfore the only way that she can get attention is through bad behaviour. It is realy hard work where step children are concerned as many people will tell you but it can become easier with a little patience and understanding from the childs point of view. Just do your best to get here involved with family things, ignore the bad as much as you possibly can and reward the good.She may not have been raised the way that you approve of, but that is not her fault . All you can do is, your best. At least you have some support from her daddy. I know it is difficult believe me; but at least she is only 5yrs and workable. Teenagers are much worse. Keep your chin up girl. Good Luck for the future.
2007-01-16 06:20:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have some compassion. A child is 4 years old and has already had her entire world- her family- destroyed, and her daddy's already with someone else! How would you like it if that all happened to you before you even got into kindergarten? You're expecting a child to behave better than the adults have. Why couldn't her parents act decent to each other?? Why didn't her parents know right from wrong and live up to their obligations towards her? She has to live with a broken home for the rest of HER life. And she has to live with some woman who doesn't care for HER attitude?? She's FOUR!
Take some parenting classes.
2007-01-16 05:17:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are in a very difficult situation with a five year old. It is natural for her not to accept you right now. Fortunately it sounds as though she is not there all the time so therefore she is under her Mothers influence. I would not try to force any thing on her, just be a friend to her even if you think it is not working she will eventually get the message. Just leave her be and maybe make a cake or something special. It is tough to love or even like a spoilt brat but hang in there for you and your Husband.
2007-01-16 05:18:38 · answer #4 · answered by blue2blnde 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have a step daughter who used to act the same way yours is, however I have children of my own also. So before she lived with us the rules were already laid down. She didn't like at first, and use to say I don't love her. But I told her that when some one loves you then they will correct you and read her a story from the bible and explained it to her. Every time I got after her I explained why she was getting in trouble. If you chose to take the time to explain, they'll understand. You can do it in a soft tone but firm look. So she knows your not trying to be mean, but she is wrong and this is the consequences of her actions.
Good Luck, God Bless
2007-01-16 05:48:28 · answer #5 · answered by Ydua R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG - she is 5 years old and you have feelings of jealousy and inadequacy?
Jesus, she is at an age of impression and kids pick up on emotions very well, so she is probably very aware that you don't like her.
If you knew that your husband had children when you married him, you should have realized that you were marrying them as well as him.
By the time she reaches puberty or preteen, she will be a totally different person.
Just remember that she is 5 years old and is going through a tough time with a new person in her daddy's life and for God sakes try to have some compassion for a child!
2007-01-16 05:16:48 · answer #6 · answered by degendave99 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Read degendave (the ? second answer) AGAIN! he is right on, you are the one acting spoiled. I do have stepchildren and they think more of me than their bio mom, in fact, the daughter does not speak to her mom at all. I haven't been the best stepmom, but I have always been honest with them. You cannot be the mom and you cannot tell her what to do, that is up to the bio dad, not you. You can only try to be a friend. Try and live and treat as you would want to be.
2007-01-16 08:13:22 · answer #7 · answered by Wonderinginnh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
step children are almost always resentful because they feel you took their daddy away from their mommy and they don't like that.. don't realy matter what age they are and between 3 and 10 is the worst ages i think for those feelings..
about the only way i can think to deal with it is with understanding and the fact that your husband is supportive of you and makes her listen is a very good thing because so many fathers will side with the child and give in to them ..
give it time and just try to keep finding things to try to make her like you more because wether she likes it or not it seems like you are going to be a part of her life for a long time and she needs to realize that but she is still very young and may come around and realize how she is acting is not being fair to you..
good luck.. :)
2007-01-16 05:17:38 · answer #8 · answered by Mouseling 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't have a step-child,,,i was the step-child. First of all, at the age of 5, you don't understand "life". All you see is this new person taking up all your daddy's time and if you guys have children, a child to replace her (or she could think your current child is the one that will take her place).
In my case, my real mom was filling my head with BS about my step-mom, for ex: you don't have to listen to her or the one I remember the most--if she leaves your daddy, we can be a family again.
Just keep trying and be patience. I love my step-mom will all my heart and if my mom and step-mom both needed my kidney,,,my step-mom would get it. She the most important part of my life!
2007-01-16 05:53:57 · answer #9 · answered by SouthernKNC 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have this problem as well. except i have a 14 year old stepson. he's been in the foster care system because mom had custody and has a drug problem. shes now in rehab. and dad(myfiance) has custody. the boy has a big problem with female authority figures, a.d.d., and lots of emotional problems. he has no respect for me and doesn't think i have any say in what he does. his dad has been very supportive of me and has tried to tell his son that yes he does need to listen to me and do what i ask of him. it just hasn't worked. we are soon starting family counciling. i really can't stand the boy and feel guilty for it. it sucks. hopfully counciling will help us. with your situation it might take some time for her to get used to you. shes still young enough that you have some hope that things might get better. just try to be patient.
2007-01-16 05:24:15 · answer #10 · answered by Flowerchild 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋