Fooling myself???

Question

I met my boyfriend online and I moved 1300 miles to be with him and we have been together for almost 5 years. We have had a lot of ups and downs, and I recently lost my job and due to the lack of work in the area, I had to make the choice to move back home. He is not currently working either, and financially I couldn't make it staying there. He did not want to move back with me, but I relocated here in hopes of finding work to where I can eventually transfer back to where he is. We have been corresponding my IM and online since he's online quite a bit, but lately he's suddenly made himself less available. I email him all the time, leave offline messages and I am trying to keep contact with him, but he's not being very responsive. I know he loves me, but I feel he's pushing me away, and I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to hang on to this relationship because I do love him, but the other part feels like he's moved on and I am fooling myself. Your thoughts?

This has been very recent by the way...I haven't even been back home a month yet. I just find it very odd since he spends so much time working on his computer and now suddenly he says he's just been busy doing stuff around the house....very odd for him. I wonder if he's found someone else so soon? It's just very weird is all. I have asked him if the distance get's too much and if he's into looking around, to please keep me informed. If I got a "dear Jane" email...I would be heartbroken, but at least I would want to know.

Answer 1

Move on dear.... you created the distance ......

Answer 2

I think that you should cut the strings now.
Before my husband and I got married I had wanted to stay in the state that we meant. He on the other hand wanted to move closer to where he was raised. I had to make up my mind if I wanted him or if I found it more important to live in the state that we were in. Well 5 years latter we are happily living where he grew up and I have never looked back and said that I made the wrong decision.
My point to all this. We worked together and talked and things worked. Had we not talked or had I not wanted to be with him that bad I would have stayed. I think that when you love some one you must make sacrifices. (both of us did this) You moved once to be with him then things are not working and you have made steps that will help the both of you. He isn't wanting to do it any other way other then his own. I would have to say that is very selfish. Then he isn't even (from what I got from you) trying to make you feel as if he still loves you and wants you in his life.. I would stop and take a break. If he loves you he will come to you.(maybe not to live but just to try and set up some type of plain that works for the both of you)
I wish the best for the both of you.
I hope I helped a little.

Answer 3

It does sound like he has moved on...too quick i must say. Maybe you should give him a surprise visit and try to get some answers. Will be good for closure too. You can always tell how a long distance relationship is fairing on by the amount of correspondence. The more the communication the better the things are and vice versa. Those are 5yrs that you will never get back...dont hang on to a 6th year that is not promising.

Answer 4

Yes, you're fooling yourself. He sounds like he's giving up. I just can't believe that 5 years went by and you lost your job and you had to go back home.
He doesn't have a job, and he's not being supportive to you in any way...
So...why do you like this guy, again? What is it that makes you attracted to him?

I don't think you love him, you guys had a lot of history together and fun, and it must be really hard to let that go because it was all for nothing.

If he's still any interest in the relationship, let him contact you. Don't call, don't email, to message...nothing. If he doesn't miss you and if he doesn't feel compelled to do anything, that's your message from him to you.

In 5 years, he still hasn't yet learn how to be appreciative and supportive. That's very sad. I'm very sorry you had to come to this point to realize what you really had with him all along...nothing.

Answer 5

Im sorry but if he really loved you he should have been willing to relocate back with you as you did for him. Its not like he had a job that he had to quit in order to move....so why didn't he? In this day and age I firmly believe that it is almost impossible for a long distance relationship to work. Chances are he has moved on and it would be in your best interest to do the same.

Answer 6

I think if you made the sacafrice to move out there with him.. then he should of done the same. It seems to me that maybe he wanted the easy way out by making himself less available. As hard as it may seem.. I wouldnt IM him or email him for a week or two.. and make him wonder what you have been up to. If you keep doing it to him.. then he knows you will always be there for him. If you make yourself less available.. he will now think.. hmm maybe I should keep in contact with her more so she doesnt find someone else! Good Luck.. I know it can be very hard :)

Answer 7

I really feel he has moved on as well. Maybe now he's back online and finding the excitement he found when he first met you with someone else. He is unavailable most of the time because he is busy with others. I think you should move and find someone closer to home. Good luck and I wish you well.

Answer 8

Your not fooling yourself at all, you just love him and is willing to do whatever it takes to be with him. He on the other hand isn't. Or he's discouraged. Long distance can be hard.

Also, he's the man! He probaly feels low. Since he has to depend on you for work. I think a real man would want to have to be the one moving to help support you and him. not the other way around.

Come on! you had to move back home because he ain't got no job! Now he has no money, no girlfriend,....no life.....HOW LOW.

Maybe you should have depended on him to be the bread winner for the family.

Answer 9

Yes I think you are fooling yourself. So far, you have been the one who has made all the concessions in the relationship. And even though he is unemployed he is not willing to relocate for both a job and you. Plus, you plan on moving back when the economic situation looks better. Think about what does to your career. You need to look out for yourself and make you number one, not him.

Answer 10

Why try so hard to make this work? Do you realize there are 3 BILLION people on this planet? If you stood a chance of being able to love only 1/10th of 1% of them that would still be 3 MILLION people. Take away half as women, and half as too old or too young, and that is 750,000 potential lovers. Come on, why fight so hard for this obviously dying relationship.

Answer 11

When you ask a question whether you are fooling yourself, you usually already know the answer. Yes, you are. Men have hard time with long distance relationships, he moved on and is not saying anything because he does not know how to break the news to you without hurting you.
Move on.
Good luck.